Can anyone help???

Nature Lover

Sorry if this message is choppy. I an on my phone. And absolutely EXHAUSTED. Here's the 411. I mostly lurk. DH and I were going to do one round of iui this month before moving on to adoption primarily for financial reasons (it seems so cost prohibitive -although we are now saving and plan to go that route if iui failed). I have been researching adoption for months and have been ready to go (point is, I have no sadness about not having a bio link to my child). A situation has now fallen into our laps that we are both 100% ready to move forward with. We are not working with an agency, this is a long time family acquaintance. Baby is 10 months old. BM is unable to care for her and wants to place her with us (otherwise she will be with grandparents which bm does not want and in which case she would likely end up in foster care eventually). I dropped everything today and drove 8 hours to day (same state) and the baby is now with me. I know I can not adopt yet because I have no home study (am calling to schedule an expedited one). Is there anything else I can do before adoption to take this baby home? Guardianship for example? Or some other situation where the child is legally in my care but short of adoption? I just don't want her to be living in limbo and in less than ideal circumstances until I can get the homestudy done. I also don't want her to go into the foster care system (and maybe lose her) because I'm not homestudy ready. Any suggestions? I am obviously going to contact on attorney who is an expert in adoption as soon as I can schedule an appointment. Fyi, bf is not in the picture and by florida statute has surrendered his rights by lack of involvement and financial support. Thanks for any suggestions you can offer.

Sally J

Sounds like it could be more like a kinship adoption so maybe see if there is a program through social services that can offer some advice.  The state often prefers family/friends before a stranger's house, so use them as a resource.  You can have the BM give you power of attorney for her DD but she needs a lawyer of her own in order to do that.  I recommend having the BM go to counseling if possible.  You can seek custody/guardianship before adoption.

I just have to say that this situation sounds a little 'off' to me from they way you've described it.  I don't know what it is exactly.  Maybe that instead of you offering to help get the BM back on her feet, you jump straight to adopting her child?  At any rate, not trying to judge, just trying to remind you to be cautious. 

Nature Lover

Thank you sally j and I understand how it could seem a little off. it is such a long story that I can't really explain it all here but she had been receiving help for 10 months. Before that even. And she has had counseling (that's the first thing I asked). And is currently living with a local family who have tried to help her get on her feet (and are continuing to try). If there was any way I would prefer her to be raised by her bm and not feel the sense of loss she very likely will. But its not going to be possible. DCF has told her the baby can not stay with her (they've been working with her for months too) and she prefers to place lo than to see her go into foster care and she likes the idea of having the say in choosing the family. I will however, speak to dcf today and see if they can help with the kinship placement you mentioned.

GLynn2009

This is how we ended up with DD. She was placed with us through foster care until we could adopt from Canada. If the BM is unable to care for the child and no other family steps forward you may very well be able to foster the child while in the process of adopting.

silliestbunny

I don't know much about situations like this but you mentioned agency at one point. My one recommendation is to NOT go to an agency.  One-  the cost.  And two-  the bureaucracy. 

I believe in some states it is legal to work out a situation like this w/an adoption attorney.  I'd call an attorney ASAP.  If you google American Academy of Adoption Attorneys, you'll find an extensive list of capable attorneys that can at least offer you advice.

mom2emb

In our state, bm (in our case, my sister) was able to request that a guardian/co-guardians be appointed because she was unable to care for her child.  This gave us immediate guardianship, which we'll continue until she decides to let us adopt.

Good Luck to you! 

Sally J

Nature Lover:

Thank you sally j and I understand how it could seem a little off. it is such a long story that I can't really explain it all here but she had been receiving help for 10 months. Before that even. And she has had counseling (that's the first thing I asked). And is currently living with a local family who have tried to help her get on her feet (and are continuing to try). If there was any way I would prefer her to be raised by her bm and not feel the sense of loss she very likely will. But its not going to be possible. DCF has told her the baby can not stay with her (they've been working with her for months too) and she prefers to place lo than to see her go into foster care and she likes the idea of having the say in choosing the family. I will however, speak to dcf today and see if they can help with the kinship placement you mentioned.

Thank you for explaining in a little more detail.  I didn't want to pry, but it sounds like you've taken all the necessary steps.  Our DD was technically placed with us as a 'foster child' prior to adoption, but we still needed a home study/background check.  It was streamlined, so it took about 6 weeks from showing interest to her coming home.

My cousins had my DD's birthsister placed with them via power of attorney, then sought temporary custody, then permanent custody.  There are many ways of handling this, but definitely use social services if they've already been involved.

A private adoption attorney may actually increase your costs, but it could also be the quickest way.