am i being selfish?

pammeelala

My baby shower was originally planned for May 1st at 2:30 pm.  It was changed a month ago to May 7th at 2:30 pm.  Not that big of a deal for the date change.  When I told the few people who knew about it of the change, it was no big deal to any one.  Yay.  Invitations went out a week ago after my mom and SIL got all the addresses they needed.

Yesterday, one of my cousins text me to tell me that her daughter's birthday is May 7th.  Too many kids in the family, I can't keep track of all of them.  So I say ok.  She left it at that.

Couple hours later, another cousin text me to tell me that cousin #1 text her that the daughter's birthday party will be May 7th from 2-7.  She is turning 12. Cousin #1 tells cousin #2 that she does not even know yet if she will have daughter on her birthday since it is supposed to be exhubby's turn to have her for her birthday, but that she expects all of them to come to birthday party instead of shower.  This pisses me off.  You don't even know if you get her, so obviously plans must not be concrete, but you tell our family that her party is planned for exactly when mine is supposed to be?  You can't maybe plan the party to start at 5?  I tell cousin #2 that i am pissed about it.  Today, I get put on blast by text and on facebook by other cousins that I am being selfish trying to take away from a child's birthday and I need to stop expecting the world to revolve around me.

Am I being selfish for being upset by this?  Or overly sensitive?  Or would you be upset by it too?  It's hard for me to just change the plans because on top of the invitations having gone out already, I have to travel over 600 miles to even get to my own shower.  I used to babysit this child everyday after school and personally, MH and I would like to be able to go to her party too if it were later.

cvl105

I think your cousins are being ridiculous and immature. She certainly can and should plan the bday party around your shower. Same day is fine...just a different time. I don't understand why people have to be like that.

pregarella

Seems like she is being the a-hole here.  Your invites went out first....she should plan around your party at this point, especially since it's not even a sure thing she has the kid.

jbrown127

She sounds incredibly ridiculous.  Your invites have gone out (there is actually a card with a date and time on it that has been sent).  And from 2 to 7???  Why can't it start later in the evening after your shower?  It is ridiculous that these people are telling you that you are selfish for taking away from a kid's b-day party.  You are not being selfish and I think it sucks how your cousin is reacting.

pammeelala

Thanks ladies.  That makes me feel better.  Stupid hormones made me cry about it, and when I talked to MH, he just said I was being too sensitive and who cares if they come or not.  My meek response was a squeeked out "me..."

kimbo1216

pregarella:

Seems like she is being the a-hole here.  Your invites went out first....she should plan around your party at this point, especially since it's not even a sure thing she has the kid.

Yep!  And it's not like you're planning the shower.  It is being thrown for you. Clearly, cousin #2 has major issues.  Why can't she do her birthday on the 6th?  As for that, why is it 5 hours?  That seems a bit crazy, IMO.

luvbeingmom

i would be irritated as well because it's her 12th? birthday party?

i mean, b'days are special and all, but it's not a major milestone. i didn't even know 12yr olds still have b'day parties that involved family lol

but you're right to be upset... i hope it works out for you

pammeelala

kimbo1216:

pregarella:

Seems like she is being the a-hole here.  Your invites went out first....she should plan around your party at this point, especially since it's not even a sure thing she has the kid.

Yep!  And it's not like you're planning the shower.  It is being thrown for you. Clearly, cousin #2 has major issues.  Why can't she do her birthday on the 6th?  As for that, why is it 5 hours?  That seems a bit crazy, IMO.

I was wondering the same thing.  Seems a bit over kill to me

supermom83

Your cousin is being difficult, and that much is obvious. She can schedule the birthday later that day or even the next day on Sunday. But she's probably thinking you could do the same too and getting annoyed and wondering why you aren't the one changing the time and date (since your shower was originally on the 1st she's probably thinking why don't you just change it again)

I think in her mind she's probably thinking that her daughters birthday has been May 7th for now the 12th year in a row so she gets "dibs" on the day, so she might have just assumed that everybody would think that since it fell on a Saturday this year she would also have the b-day then. She might have assumed that since your shower can be any weekend vs. her daughters birthday is on the 7th that you would change your shower date.

It's a pickle of a situation, but you have every right to still have your shower on the 7th at the time you want. But I doubt your cousin will let it go. That's just my 2 cents.  

62406

I don't think you're being selfish.  Are you supposed to check with everyone before the invites go out to make sure no one else has plans that day....that's stupid! Even if she does have it that day, it's not like it can't be pushed back until later in the day, especially since she's 12 and the party doesn't need to revolve around a nap time.  I would just go about your shower as scheduled and not worry about her party.

EMLYNNLERETTE

I feel you!  My sister did the SAME THING to me but with her soon to be 30 year old husband!  People just don't get how to carry themselves anymore, did she really expect you to know your 2nd cousins birthday in the first place?!  I agree with everyone, have your party without them and they will have their party.  It seems silly to me as well that a 12 yr old is having a family party anyway.  I know it hurts, but eventually you and I will both forget how unthoughtful these people are even if they are related!  I hope you feel better.  Hugs.

pammeelala

EMLYNNLERETTE:

I feel you!  My sister did the SAME THING to me but with her soon to be 30 year old husband!  People just don't get how to carry themselves anymore, did she really expect you to know your 2nd cousins birthday in the first place?!  I agree with everyone, have your party without them and they will have their party.  It seems silly to me as well that a 12 yr old is having a family party anyway.  I know it hurts, but eventually you and I will both forget how unthoughtful these people are even if they are related!  I hope you feel better.  Hugs.

To you too!  It's even worse that your SISTER did it  

11kacey

I am in the opposite position.. my friend is coming in town to host my shower and gave me two shower date possibilities, one of which is April 30th. (The other was Easter.. which I vetoed) My friend's baby is celebrating her 1st birthday May 4th, so I assumed that her bday party would be the following weekend, because it was also mother's day weekend and her family could celebrate both together. My invites went out and it turns out they are on the same day. I do feel bad, but it isn't like I am in the middle of a family situation, I just shouldn't have made an assumption. Anyway, the bday party is at 10:30 and my shower isn't until 2. So, while my friend cannot attend my shower, I am going to try and stop by her baby's birthday party because, I think the 1 year mark is a HUGE event for parents.

I am sorry your cousin is making such a big deal of this. It really stinks!! 

 

 

TashaK2011

That is terrible!  I am with you on this one. Seems like your cousins are acting a bit childish and selfish.