Baby Names

My mom is pushing names...

She wants me to name dd after her.  I had already mentioned that I was considering using her middle name (which coincidentally is the same middle name as my MIL-- Marie) and she told me that wasn't good enough!  Her name is Angela, and I'm not sure I like that for our baby!

I have some regrets about things she's asked in the past and looking back wish I had just done those things for her.  I'm afraid that if I don't do this for her, I may someday regret not naming my baby after her.  But this is big.  Like the rest of our lives big.

DH is supportive.  He doesn't really like the name for her either, but agrees to doing it if I want...

Any advice??

Re: My mom is pushing names...

  • I'm a lurker but I just couldn't pass this one up.

    I think using Marie is  good, it covers both of your bases (its my DD mn after MIL-Maria)

    As  far as your mother insisting on you using her name....it make me think "what's the point?" & by that I mean the reason most people use a family name is to honor that person, because you feel so highly of them you want to share that with your LO, but if she is making it so that you don't have a choice in it I don't think it would have as much meaning as it would if you had chosen to do it on your own. But if you really want to do it but you don't her exact name....change it up like we did. Maria didn't flow right with Annabell as a fn so she changed it to Maria but it is still to honor MIL.

    Good Luck

    (sorry that got so long) 

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  • imagebaeluevano:
    I'I think using Marie is  good, it covers both of your bases (its my DD mn after MIL-Maria)

    As  far as your mother insisting on you using her name....it make me think "what's the point?" & by that I mean the reason most people use a family name is to honor that person, because you feel so highly of them you want to share that with your LO, but if she is making it so that you don't have a choice in it I don't think it would have as much meaning as it would if you had chosen to do it on your own. But if you really want to do it but you don't her exact name....change it up like we did. Maria didn't flow right with Annabell as a fn so she changed it to Maria but it is still to honor MIL.

    I agree with the bolded part completely. What kind of a person INSISTS that you name your child after them? It is an honor to have your name passed down, not a right that you can insist on. This isn't sitting right with me. I think there is more to this story. Especially since you said there are things she forced you to do that you regret.

    I just think it is very strange and almost a red flag that she is being so pushy about naming after herself, I think it would be easier to swallow if it were her spouse or parent's name she was pushing. This makes her sound like a narcissistic nutjob.

    You need to detach the umbilical cord OP, and name your kid what you want to name her.

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  • I agree w/ pp ? your baby, you get to choose the name. Don't give in to your pushy mom on this, or you will be setting yourself up for her to nose in on your other parenting decisions.

    If you do decide that you would like to honor her, perhaps you could use Angela as the mn. That might feel more specific than Marie, and it would also allow you to pick a first name you actually like.

    But don't feel obligated to do that! Using Marie as a mn is a perfectly lovely idea.

    Whatever you do, stop discussing names with mom. No good can come of it. Just introduce the baby when she is born, using the name that you have chose for her.

  • Hmmm, are you named after her mother?  If not, I would nicely tell her that you and your husband haven't decided on a name yet, but will pick one you both agree on.  Then say "but remember, you didn't name me after your mother and she didn't freak out"
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  • That's really obnoxious.
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  • Depending on how your relationship is with her, you could tell her to get herself down to the doctor, sign up for a little IVF and have at naming a baby after herself. She had her chance to name you Angela, and she didn't. To insist someone name a child after you is very arrogant. At that point, I wouldn't even use Marie.
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  • WTF? She sounds ridiculous.  I wouldn't name my baby after her. 
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  • That's ridiculous.  I'm sorry, but someone who was pushing me to do that is not someone I would want to name my child after.
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  • I agree with what everyone else has said.  For what it's worth, we're using my MIL's name as our daughter's middle name.  My mom is thrilled and thinks it is a beautiful name.  She's not jealous or crazy b/c we're not using her name!
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  • The way I see it, she had her chance to name a baby after herself. So obviously if she didn't like the name enough to do it then, why should you like it more?

    That's the argument I used on DH's father's name, which I hate.

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  • It seems really narcissistic to request someone be named after you.  Maybe you can get a dog and name it after her.

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  • I really don't think anyone should push names on expecting parents. You need to go with the names that you like. Your baby and in a way you and DH will be the ones with the name. Not anyone else. Marie is a nice middle name and it is a great way to honor both mothers. I do have a suggestion for you though, what about Annemarie (combining Angela with Marie). There are also onther forms of Angela you could use. But you really should go with what you and DH want to use and what you think woudl be best for baby. Good luck!
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  • Uh- she already had her chance to name her kids what she wanted.  Now it's your turn.  Personally I wouldn't take her opinion into account at all.
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  • don't compromise on this!!!  it's too important!

    i think you should really love your child's name...if you don't, then don't use it!

    use marie and/or angela for a middle name.

  • She should have named one of her daughters after herself if she liked her name so much. Too bad her time is over! We already have a name chosen and the other day my MIL wanted to know if I liked the name Loretta. I said no, and she said how beautiful she thinks it is, it was her grandma's name. Well, if she liked it so much she had 4 girls she could have given it to.....not my problem! lol
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  • imageajgreez:

    I have some regrets about things she's asked in the past and looking back wish I had just done those things for her.  I'm afraid that if I don't do this for her, I may someday regret not naming my baby after her.  But this is big.  Like the rest of our lives big.

    I can sympathize with this part.  We did in fact name our DD after my mom - using her last name, which I guess is honoring her whole family (and continuing a tradition of using family surnames as first names on DH's side too).  She was thrilled, of course, and I love DD's name and have no regrets.  But this has not stopped my mom from bringing up things I didn't do for her, I mean many many years ago, when she's been angry at me for other reasons.  If you have regrets about those things, that's valid and maybe you need to apologize to your mom and ask her forgiveness.  But I don't think that can, or should, come from naming your baby after her, especially if it's something she's pushing on you that you wouldn't do otherwise.  It will probably not prevent her from being unreasonable in the future.

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  • imageMoreThanABride:
    It seems really narcissistic to request someone be named after you.  Maybe you can get a dog and name it after her.

    Seriously.

    I think my mom would be mortified if I gave our daughter her first name, to be honest. She certainly had opinions on our names, but they weren't coming from a "you better honor ME" place. And she backed off quickly if I told her she was being pushy.

    I think the mn is a great place to honor family members, if you want to. But this is your baby, and you will always resent your mom if you give in on this and go with a name you didn't really want.

     

  • I think you sound afraid of her for some reason, and in that case I would never name my child after her. She clearly has issues if she is insisting you do this and isn't being a great mom herself right now. 
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  • imagekmv68:
    Hmmm, are you named after her mother?  If not, I would nicely tell her that you and your husband haven't decided on a name yet, but will pick one you both agree on.  Then say "but remember, you didn't name me after your mother and she didn't freak out"

    This would SO be my response. AND I would point out to my mother that my older sister was given her mom's name (our grandmother) as a MN so why should I have to use her name as a FN.  



     

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  • imageluckyluvr:
    Depending on how your relationship is with her, you could tell her to get herself down to the doctor, sign up for a little IVF and have at naming a baby after herself. She had her chance to name you Angela, and she didn't. To insist someone name a child after you is very arrogant. At that point, I wouldn't even use Marie.

    I totally agree with this.  I'd be like "nevermind - we're not using any of your name now, not even the mn."

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  • Being Jewish I am always fascinated by naming a baby after a LIVING relative (and my BFF shares the same first name as her mother and her brother is named after her father?both Margarets and Franks). 

    In the Jewish faith, It's like a big "jinx" to name a baby after someone living. An old superstition maintains that naming a child after a living relative is bad luck: the angel of death, an easily confused spirit, might take the baby by mistake when coming for the older relative.

    Leaving all that aside, I think you need to choose a name you and your DH LOVE.  Using Marie as a middle name IS naming the child after your mother (and your DH's) and your mom needs to accept that.  Don't pick a name out of guilt or to appease her. 

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  • Sorry you are going through this. I really don't like the name Angela or anything remotely close to it...Angel, Angelica, Angelle..... Angelia Ick!

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  • Um, I think it's rude to ask a couple to name a baby after you. I don't care how close you are to that person... having a baby named after you is an honor you simply cannot ask for - it has to be bestowed.

    That said, if your truly WANT to honor your mother, I've always loved the name Angelina (or Angelica). These could be good variations on her name that would keep your daughter's name "hers" while also giving a nod to her grandmother.

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