MIL vent- very long.

ktb31

So my MIL found out we are moving 45 min away from them (we currently live a little farther than that now) by choice because we like that area.  She immediately called my husband and started flipping out.  His dad had found out a couple weeks ago and I asked DS to tell him not to tell my MIL so we could all four sit down and we could break the news and answer any questions.  Well of course he never said anything and the whole thing blew up just like we knew it would.  So I called my MIL so we could talk about it all.  I wanted her to know I didn't expect her to agree with our choice or even necessarily understand completely but I did want her to know it was absolutely nothing personal and we didn't make the decision because we wanted to keep our distance from them.  

In talking to her she expressed how disappointed she was, and hurt, which I had anticipated and reassured her it was nothing personal and I love and adore her.  Which I honestly do even when she pulls her semi-psycho ways of communicating and behavior.  But then she went on to say she was convinced her son never would have decided to live where we have and she knew if he had had ANY say we would be living closer to them.  AND how she thinks I keep him from spending time with his family.  Un-freakin-believable.  I nearly flipped my lid.  We have a 2 1/2 year old, I'm due in July and have been working on my nursing degree for the past 2 years, it's been beyond difficult to juggle everything and we have had to make so many sacrifices (time spent with friends, family, money..).  It's been so hard on all of us and now she starts bringing up examples of times we haven't been able to make family events.  I'm floored.  I have explained in person, email, everything, you name it, to try to get this woman to understand how hectic our lives have been and now I still have it thrown back in my face.  

I can't stop crying my feelings are so hurt that my MIL actually thinks I try to keep her son from his family.  It's not rational, nor true.  And I wish I could just let it go.  I wish I didn't care so much about what other people think.  If someone told me this story I'd say- ah screw the crazy MIL, she can deal:) 

CocoBrynne

First off I am jealous you live 45 mins from your MIL, I live 5 mins from mine and it SUCKS!  Secondly she sounds like my AW MIL I tried to please her and cater to her at first but you've got to get to a point where you say screw it and just do what is best for you and your family and not let her juvenile reactions and hissy fits get to you at all.  Trust me you will be much happier when you do   Good luck!

ktb31

Thanks. I knew I just needed someone to say snap out of it.  And it's definitely not worth spending a whole day worrying about and crying over that's for sure!

Skibunny07

I know its tough but I think you jsut need to give her her space to deal with it. She seems to be really irrational about this (especially since you mentioned that you already live that far away??) She's completely overreacting considering you are under and hour away from them. That is not far AT ALL! She's lucky you didn't decide to move across the country!

Mothers have a connection with their sons and it seems like no matter what you do she is always going to think its your fault that she doesn't get to see her baby boy. Don't let it hurt your feelings, it doesn't seem like she is going to change, you just need to try to be the bigger person I guess. If anything have your DH try to say something to her. Have him let her know that this was just as much his decision as yours and that he thinks she is overreacting considering the distance and how hectic your lives are. Maybe that will help clear her eyes a little bit. 

WorkingMomofTwo

Tell her that your husband has been off of her titty for quite sometime now and she needs to let.him.go!!!!! He's a big boy now with his own family. She does NOT need to control every aspect of his life. She should be happy that he's providing for his growing family and that he has a good woman beside him. MIL's are just crazy a$$ b!itches!

welcometowonderland

I feel for you. It's definitely not worth stressing yourself out over. My MIL is awful. She refuses to talk to me and refuses to acknowledge the upcoming baby. It's pretty well been that way for 12 years. She has a very weird attachment to him as he does to her. I keep the heck out of it.

welcometowonderland

WorkingMomofTwo:

Tell her that your husband has been off of her titty for quite sometime now and she needs to let.him.go!!!!! 

Oh and it's kind of hilarious that you said this. I always ask my husband if he can get his balls back from his mother for me.

WorkingMomofTwo

welcometowonderland:

WorkingMomofTwo:

Tell her that your husband has been off of her titty for quite sometime now and she needs to let.him.go!!!!! 

Oh and it's kind of hilarious that you said this. I always ask my husband if he can get his balls back from his mother for me.

My MIL sounds like your MIL. I hate it. She's from El Salvador, so her standards and morals are COMPLETELY different than mine. She believes that no matter how old your child is, 30 years old or not, they can still live under her roof with their whole family. SCREW THAT!

LaComtesse

kt77:

Thanks. I knew I just needed someone to say snap out of it.  And it's definitely not worth spending a whole day worrying about and crying over that's for sure!

 

0_0

I... I really don't know what I would do. It's bad enough that they live half-way across the country (soon, blissfully, fully across the country) and inform us of when they are coming to visit and stay in our 1 bedroom apartment. Seeing them more than 3 or so times a year? Oh God...

atizon

wow..I would be pretty hurt by her words..MIL are a bit nuts when it comes to there kid. My MIL lives 5 minutes away it has it's good and bad. You dh needs to talk to her and explain to her maybe hearing it directly from him and not you it might shine some light and she might understand. As we get older life gets complicated there's not enough hours in the day and we all wish we can please everyone but we can't.

Don't let her get you down or upset. best of luck.

kle+spd

We have similar MIL's! Sigh...

Yours is VERY selfish. Please know that and it has NOTHNG to do with you but everything to do with HER! Don't let her pull you into her world!

I totally get how that is very hurtful but it sounds like that was her "plan"! She is trying to quilt you and hurt you! Not OK!

My MIL does this too and it drives me batty and I too wish I didn't care. But it's hard not to when someone says things like that to your face!

Hang in there and try to not let her words get to you! Kill her with kindness!

ms12345

::lurking::

She's going BSC over 45 freaking minutes? My one-way commute to WORK is longer than that. Wow.

She's definitely the one with the problem. Makes my MIL look almost justified in her anger that I "took her baby boy" to another state three hours away.

zhirsch

ms12345:

::lurking::

She's going BSC over 45 freaking minutes? My one-way commute to WORK is longer than that. Wow.

She's definitely the one with the problem. Makes my MIL look almost justified in her anger that I "took her baby boy" to another state three hours away.

For real, 45 minutes? That's insane. We live across the country from both of our parents. I would tell her that she's damnn lucky you're not moving to Guam, she should put away the butt wipes because your DH doesn't need them anymore, and to go join a quilting bee or something to occupy herself. 

FutureMrsWittig

I'd put some distance between you and MIL.  If you guys can't make a family function let DH explain it to her.  If she needs explanations for why you're moving, let him offer them.

I know she hurt your feelings, and it would've hurt mine too.  But like PPs said it sounds like that's what she was trying to do. 

 Sorry you're going through this.

Treasa

She sounds like a total B!tch!  And over 45 mins?  If she was freaking out about 3 hours away or a thousand miles away, fair enough but 45 mins???

 

grace_smith03

WOW.  If that was my MIL, i think i would come right out and tell her to suck my bawls.  Seriously.  I HATE people who guilt others...and if you were *truly* a person who was deliberately keeping her from her son, how would her actions make your behavior better?  It wouldn't...so she's just being nasty.  Tell her you never envisioned your life  replicating "everyone loves raymond".  You can only control your actions, and she just sounds BSC.  GL!

backinpgh

This is part of the reason why I never break any kind of news to MIL, I don't even talk to her on the phone. If anything is going on, DH tells her about it. It should come from him. Then it doesn't come off as DH going "I don't wanna tell her, YOU tell her, it was YOUR idea!" lol

Caitlin224

I think this is an issue that your DH needs to sort out.  His lack of involvement in addressing this is probably giving MIL fuel for her fire. 

He needs to grow a set and not let her talk to you that way! 

JHS16

It always puts things into perspective for MILs if you ask them how much time she spent with HER inlaws when she was just married and having kids.  In fact, I'm surprised your MIL has the time to hassle you when she is so busy hanging out with her MIL haha. 

desmerelda317

HAHAHAHHAHA!  I'm sorry, I'm laughing at your MIL, not at you.  I have the world's most awesome MIL and am so grateful for that.  But my husband is in the U.S. Navy.  So if she were to go all BSC (which is totally not her style, but we're talking hypothetically here) because we were moving away - well she could just call up the Secretary of the Navy and take it up with him lol.  We currently live on the opposite side of the globe - yep, you heard that right.  We're not even on the same continent!  45 minutes is nothing!  Your MIL can still be available for babysitting at that distance.  Heck, DH's commute is 45 minutes.  He drives it daily - twice!  45 minutes is absolutely nothing to have a tantrum over.