if your kid had been beaten up...

CherryStarburst

What would you do/tell them to do?

I've been thinking about this for a while now and still haven't come up with a solid answer. Ths probably seems pretty random but the spanking debate makes me think of it and it stems from this:
my neighbor's son told me the other day that he was beat up at school (he's in first grade). Two older boys held him down and kicked and hit him. His parents response was to tell him that he needed to fight back and hit and kick them back. While I hope that we never have to go through this with my kids I don't think that I would tell them to fight back. I think I would tell him to get away and find a teacher/adult. I feel like fighting back would just make it worse in most cases.

WDYT?

MommaEm

DS is a tiny little guy, I would tell him to run away and tell a teacher!!  But he knows if someone tries to take him and covers his mouth he needs to bite their hand and run away (he learned it in daycare I guess, and tells me ALL the time!).

polkadotsock

My dad always taught us to fight back. I'm not sure what we'll tell DD to do. 

finger_lakes09

The thought of someone hurting / beating up my little boy, makes me sick to my stomach!! I have no idea what I would tell him to do. I really cannot even stand the thought.

 

uluvfranke

I think they should know it is ok to defend themselves as long as they didn't start the fight.

izzourclue

Kids shouldn't be expected to handle a situation like this themselves.  I would encourage her to always try to get away and tell an adult.  If I found out this happened to my child, I would take her to a hospital, send all bills to the parents, file assault charges against the little @ssholes that did it, and sue the school system for allowing it to happen.  Holding someone down and punching and kicking them can kill a child.  That's not normal playground shenanigans.

 

HisSunshine1220

We have decided that we will tell DS it is ALWAYS best to walk away. Do whatever you can: run, call for help, get a teacher. But if for some reason you can't do that, you definitely have our permission to defend yourself.

AverysMom1118

finger_lakes09:

The thought of someone hurting / beating up my little boy, makes me sick to my stomach!! I have no idea what I would tell him to do. I really cannot even stand the thought.

 

This. It makes me absolutely sick to my stomach to even think about it.  

CherryStarburst

finger_lakes09:

The thought of someone hurting / beating up my little boy, makes me sick to my stomach!! I have no idea what I would tell him to do. I really cannot even stand the thought.

 

I know it's so sad, I felt so bad for him, he's such a nice boy too

CherryStarburst

HisSunshine1220:

We have decided that we will tell DS it is ALWAYS best to walk away. Do whatever you can: run, call for help, get a teacher. But if for some reason you can't do that, you definitely have our permission to defend yourself.

I like this. The way she (his mom) said it, it was like the first response. I feel like violence begets violence and it's better to run away if possible.

jkjacq71

I have an 18 year old and growing up he was told, "don't throw the first punch but if somebody is hitting you, you can fight back".  I am sorry, kids are mean and fights are going to happen and I would rather my kid defended himself then get beat up.  That being said he was never really in a physical altercation.  He got teased a lot but it never got physical (he has Aspergers and thanks to a GREAT counselor was able to deal with that). 

I have learned that there are a lot of theories you can adhere to when you are a new parent,   but until you are "there" you don't really know how you are going to react and sometimes your gut is going to tell you something completely different than what you 'thought' you would do.  It is really hard. (and it doesn't get easier the second time around).

izzourclue

I think this is an extreme example.  This little guy was held down by 2 older kids.  There was no way for him to fight back.  Telling this kid after the fact that he should have fought back takes an already humiliating and painful experience and making it worse.  The parents should have just provided support and guidance for how to avoid it in the future.  I will definitely tell DD that if someone is trying to hurt you its ok to defend yourself, but its always better to get away from the situation before anyone gets hurt.  If its 2 against 1 run because you won't be able to defend yourself and will just get hurt.  I'll teach her to size up a situation and know when she's in over her head. 

jessakris

My mom always told me that if someone beat me up, I would be in trouble when I got home if I didn't fight back. LOL. She's klassy that way.

For us, I think I will tell her to do everything she can to try and get away and tell somebody while defending herself in the process.

kcl22

I think it would depend a lot on the age and the circumstances.  If they're in elementary school the message would be get away, find an adult.  When they get a little older if they're not doing anything to instigate and they are basically attacked of course I would say defend yourself.

That said, a friend of mine was killed a couple years ago after trying to break up a bar fight.  He stepped in, was sucker punched, fell to the ground and died a few hours later of a subdural hemmorhage.  Freak accident but enough for me to tell  my kids to avoid violence at all costs.

HappyDaze12

I will tell my boys that if they cannot easily get away and/or alert an adult then to absolutely fight back to defend themselves at least enough so that they can get away. I don't want to promote fighting and I would hope that they would never have to do that but I would not want them to just sit there while a bully has his/her way with them.

saturdaynightdoubletree

From a mother's point of view... fight back until you can get away and tell an adult. DD already hits back if someone hits her - she has a 3yr old friend and needs to put down her foot sometimes (she's only 18m). Honestly I don't like her hitting at all, but if someone else hits her first I don't want her running away crying to me every time.

From a teacher's point of view... tell an adult and they will handle it. No reason to get yourself in trouble because someone else made a bad decision.

saturdaynightdoubletree

izzourclue:

I think this is an extreme example.  This little guy was held down by 2 older kids.  There was no way for him to fight back.  Telling this kid after the fact that he should have fought back takes an already humiliating and painful experience and making it worse.  The parents should have just provided support and guidance for how to avoid it in the future. 

If I were this kid's parents I would have called the school and found out who was the responsible adult supervising these kids. Playground fights do happen... but the school should always be able to notify the parents right away. As a teacher, you see fights, you break up fights, and you call all parents of those involved. It makes me sick to think this could happen and nobody saw it. Without being there though, it's all speculation.

kcfan729

As the mom of an 11 yr old who has had issues this yr. Came home with a black eye anf when I called the teacher he said he didn't see anything and couldn't prove anything. I told E next time you need to knock the hell out of that boy.

As a teacher I can't say. I don't want fights but I also don't want any bullying. So sometimes you need to handle your business. I'm harsh I know.