Is this a dumb idea to spend money on?

caden

I'm a SAHM and I desperately want a day off. There's nothing I need to get done sans kids. I pretty much just want to sit in my basement (that's our family room) and watch chick flicks all day. And eat junk food and take naps. DH doesn't work on the weekends but if it's just him watching the kids I'll feel guilty taking a vacation day. I know I'll ending up helping at some point too b/c my kids NEVER nap for him, I don't know why. My family works during the week so they can't help. So I want to hire my doula for the day. The whole day (7:30-5:30). I trust her and she'll make sure I don't waste my day off helping. But she's $20/hr.

WDYT? Not worth the money? Or does a real day off sound good enough to you too that you'd pay $200 for it? 

s270453

That sounds like a lot for a "babysitter".  Is there noone else that could do it?  .....someone you could just pay $40 for?  lol  Neighbor?

s270453

BTW.....I TOTALLY agree that you need that day!! 

orange682

I wouldn't spend the money. 

As a SAHM, you stay home with the kids all by yourself all day long.  You shouldn't feel guilty if he did it for one day.I'm sure he'd love the opportunity to spend one-on-one time with the kids, and he'd love to be able to give you such an amazing gift of R&R.

Maybe for naptime he can take the kids for a long car ride?

caden

LOL unfortunately he would NOT love to spend the day alone w/ these two. 

I don't know another cheaper babysitter. I'm willing to try someone else, but not for my PTO day since I wouldn't be able to sufficiently relax w/ a new person upstairs. 

tmbuchmann

I wouldn't pay $200 but I would say take the day off!

 I sometimes call in sick to work and send everyone to daycare and just do nothing. I call it my sanity days.

togagirl

If you have the money and you think it's worth then go for it.  Being home with 3 kids under 3 I totally get wanting a day off.  For me that would be lot of money to spend for one day and I would get bored sitting in the basement all day.  Do you have any friends that would barter with you?  I have a few girls in the neighborhood that have kids the same age and we trade off with each others kids.  Maybe join your multiples group and you could find some ladies who are in the same boat.

Sometimes for me I don't need a whole day unwind...maybe if the doula is your only option have her come over early in the am and get the kids up and you could sleep in, take a nice long shower, paint your toe nails and have her stay until the kids go down for nap...then you can be back on duty after naps?

pea-kay

If it's not a huge financial hardship, then I vote DO IT. It's not more than a day at the spa or shopping for new clothes. I firmly believe a day to relax like that will recharge you for a long, long time. Consider it an investment in your sanity.

(And my husband is the same way - I can barely leave him alone with the boys for a few hours.)

Ruby_Tuesday

I'm sure he'd love the opportunity to spend one-on-one time with the kids

I find this kind of funny.  DH loves the boys and he loves spending time with them, but one-on-three time, not so much.  Those babies are tough!

I don't know if I would spend the money or not.  I would want to but then I think I would stress about whether I was enjoying myself $200 worth, which might kind of ruin it.

ETA: Just to clarify DH gets alone time with the boys every morning for about an hour and he's fine with that.  A full day is a different story. 

Ruby_Tuesday

pea-kay:

If it's not a huge financial hardship, then I vote DO IT. It's not more than a day at the spa or shopping for new clothes. I firmly believe a day to relax like that will recharge you for a long, long time. Consider it an investment in your sanity.

(And my husband is the same way - I can barely leave him alone with the boys for a few hours.)

Even now?  You are blowing my theory that this is going to be so much easier when they are older.

babydontforget

Or you could plan a Saturday where you go out to a spa and to a movie by yourself. You won't feel guilty with the trouble your H is having if you're not in the house to hear it. And, same cost.

One way or another, do it. You're worth the investment. I may even steal this idea... 

hunt2005

Keep in mind what you'd do with that day, though. If you're going to go shopping/to the spa and spend that in addition, that is a LOT of money.

I know I always feel bad leaving my husband on weeknights/weekends with the kids, and worry that everything won't be done the way I'd have done it, but the time away is totally worth it, and he really enjoys getting some private time with our son. I'd talk to him and see if he wants to keep them for a day first. Or maybe get him to call in sick on a weekday, and then you get a day off but still have your family weekend??

tehawryluk

I say take the day off and let your husband watch the kids. My husband is always gone in the evenings playing hockey, hunting, you name it...so when I feel like I need a day off (or even an hour), I don't CARE how much he doesnt want to keep all the kids himself/or doesnt think he can handle it... He can suck it up and do it, it's a game of give and take. Maybe that sounds harsh, but we got into this together...so if I can keep the kids all to myself, he is just as capable although not as experienced.

 If you are really against that idea, I say still do it... but try to find someone else to babysit, The $20/ hour is really steep... but us SAHM's do need breaks too! 

pea-kay

hunt2005:

Keep in mind what you'd do with that day, though. If you're going to go shopping/to the spa and spend that in addition, that is a LOT of money.

she already said she just wants to sit in the basement and eat crap and watch movies. MAN, that sounds like heaven!

missfire

Could your husband take the kids somewhere for part of the day - to visit family or something? I'd have a hard time relaxing with everyone in the house too, but can you imagine if you had the house to yourself? Paradise!

amanda31H

Ummm I'm in the minority that says DO IT.

It's one day.  And I also have thought that I would love to lay in my bed and watch movies all day- that's what I told DH I want to do for Mother's Day! Be left ALONE.

With the doula I think you'll be content enough that the babies are well cared for that you can actually relax.

My DH is super awesome and helpful, but he would have a hard time being with both girls ALL DAY LONG.  He takes a couple hour shifts, etc. but I get that you think you'd have to jump in if it was him watching them. 

gumiberg

can your family do it on the weekend?

sometimes i like to go on long bike rides w/ my cycling group.  with the driving, i am gone all morning.  i leave before the babies wake up...i prepare a breakfast for the kids and then my DH just has to feed it to them.  he takes care of them from 7-9am and then i have a babysitter come over.  My babysitter is usually my dad.

My DH really actually likes those mornings because its his only alone time with them.  he would be fine doing it all day but he is studying for his level 2 CFA and needs to study 30 hours a week. 

So I would do a combination of DH and babysitter/family. I do think its important for husbands to spend some time with the kids alone but it doesnt need to be all day.

amanda31H

pea-kay:

hunt2005:

Keep in mind what you'd do with that day, though. If you're going to go shopping/to the spa and spend that in addition, that is a LOT of money.

she already said she just wants to sit in the basement and eat crap and watch movies. MAN, that sounds like heaven!

No sh$t!  Caden- I already planned your menu and your movie line up.  You just let me know what day it is and I'll send it along....

caden

gumiberg:

can your family do it on the weekend?

I could take them to my mom's house on a Saturday. But she couldn't watch them all day. Maybe I could swing both ideas and get 1.5 Saturdays off

Thanks for all the advice ladies. Very helpful! 

caden

amanda31H:

No sh$t!  Caden- I already planned your menu and your movie line up.  You just let me know what day it is and I'll send it along....

Now that I've thought about it, I'm shooting for this Saturday so I'm all ears... err.. eyes! 

LeaLea

I would love a day to veg in front of the tube - it sounds great.

As for the money $200 for one day of sitting seems pretty pricey - but if you can afford it and it is worth it to you then do it.

kafunder

I vote for having your DH take the LOs someplace for the day or for hiring the doula and you getting out of the house. You're not going to be able relax in the basement with the LOs upstairs. On the weekends the ILs sometimes come over to give us a break, and I'll go down to our basement to run on our treadmill but I'm still able to hear the babies upstairs. It makes me feel so guilty and like I need to be up there when I can hear them. I couldn't spend all day in the basement while the LOs were upstairs.

If you can figure out a way to get away from the LOs for a day, do it, even if you have to pay. DH and I took a day off this week for our anniversary and sent the LOs to daycare, and just hung out at home. It was glorious!

Lilystar82

If you have the financial resources to do it - I say go for it. Sit in your basement, watch cheesy chick flicks and order a pizza. Take tons of naps and recharge yourself. I am fully in the camp of whatever you need to recharge, I think it makes you better And I think paying more for someone you KNOW wont bother you - makes it even more worth the money.

 

Haven1

missfire:

Could your husband take the kids somewhere for part of the day - to visit family or something? I'd have a hard time relaxing with everyone in the house too, but can you imagine if you had the house to yourself? Paradise!

This.  It's not that I couldn't relax if I was home too, but I always feel like I'm missing out on something.  Like, I'll cut a run short if DH is home because they might do something awesome or adorable or fun, and I'll miss it.

kimarino13

amanda31H:

Ummm I'm in the minority that says DO IT.

It's one day.  And I also have thought that I would love to lay in my bed and watch movies all day- that's what I told DH I want to do for Mother's Day! Be left ALONE.

With the doula I think you'll be content enough that the babies are well cared for that you can actually relax.

My DH is super awesome and helpful, but he would have a hard time being with both girls ALL DAY LONG.  He takes a couple hour shifts, etc. but I get that you think you'd have to jump in if it was him watching them. 

This.

caden

I don't know where my DH would take 6 month olds for the whole day though. If he went to my parents he might as well just leave them there and get some time off himself too. But even that wouldn't be a whole day. Not that it HAS to be a full 10 hours. I'm just reaching for the stars.

cookiemonster03

It boggles my mind that daddies can't be expected to handle the kids all day (maybe i'll understand when the babies come) but i say do it if you can afford it. Its cheaper than a shopping trip or spa day and sounds good to me

pea-kay

cookiemonster03:

It boggles my mind that daddies can't be expected to handle the kids all day (maybe i'll understand when the babies come) but i say do it if you can afford it. Its cheaper than a shopping trip or spa day and sounds good to me

juuuust wait. don't judge til you've been in her shoes. 

cookiemonster03

pea-kay:

cookiemonster03:

It boggles my mind that daddies can't be expected to handle the kids all day (maybe i'll understand when the babies come) but i say do it if you can afford it. Its cheaper than a shopping trip or spa day and sounds good to me

juuuust wait. don't judge til you've been in her shoes. 

not judging. just baffled. i freely admit to not having been there!

Haven1

pea-kay:

cookiemonster03:

It boggles my mind that daddies can't be expected to handle the kids all day (maybe i'll understand when the babies come) but i say do it if you can afford it. Its cheaper than a shopping trip or spa day and sounds good to me

juuuust wait. don't judge til you've been in her shoes. 

Unless I'm totally misreading cookie's blog, they'll both be mommies.  Perhaps the benefit of two multi-tasking women will eliminate the "one parent can't handle it alone" issue for her.

cookiemonster03

Haven1:

pea-kay:

cookiemonster03:

It boggles my mind that daddies can't be expected to handle the kids all day (maybe i'll understand when the babies come) but i say do it if you can afford it. Its cheaper than a shopping trip or spa day and sounds good to me

juuuust wait. don't judge til you've been in her shoes. 

Unless I'm totally misreading cookie's blog, they'll both be mommies.  Perhaps the benefit of two multi-tasking women will eliminate the "one parent can't handle it alone" issue for her.

yes, you are correct, but I have no idea if that is the case. I don't want to post-jack, but i have a lot of paranoia about this with the non-bio-mom thing. eg, does the non-bio mom end up with a more dad-like connection (eg, i know my dad sure would not have wanted to be around us all day by himself when we were kids. not that i GET it, but it was the reality).  it'd be convienient if it worked out that way (as two multi-tasking women etc) though!

hunt2005

amanda31H:

pea-kay:

hunt2005:

Keep in mind what you'd do with that day, though. If you're going to go shopping/to the spa and spend that in addition, that is a LOT of money.

she already said she just wants to sit in the basement and eat crap and watch movies. MAN, that sounds like heaven!

No sh$t!  Caden- I already planned your menu and your movie line up.  You just let me know what day it is and I'll send it along....

I missed that somehow sorry! I know I can't just sit and do nothing at home when I know the kids are upstairs... I guess thats why I didn't even think of it. Man, a day of ice cream, movies, and getting my quitting done sounds like heaven!

If you're concerned about the money, maybe do two half days a week apart? That way you get the benefits of it and get to space out the enjoyment some?

blondek8

Do it Caden. Do it.

If I didn't have the resources that I have available to me (IL's and Mom close by), I would fork out all kinds of money for days off from the twins.

DH and I had the day off from the boys today. Thanks IL's! It's been discussed that the boys are going to have adventures with grandparents for an entire day (8am-5pm) once a week from now on so I can get sh!t done and have a break. I'm going crazy here and I need the break to be a better Momma to those kids.

 And just b/c I'm an AW -- I'm leaving for a hockey tournament tomorrow afternoon and DH is looking after the boys all by himself Friday and then bringing them to the hockey tournament to watch me on Saturday. 

 Book the doula and eat a TON of sh!te food. You deserve it!

Haven1

cookiemonster03:

yes, you are correct, but I have no idea if that is the case. I don't want to post-jack, but i have a lot of paranoia about this with the non-bio-mom thing. eg, does the non-bio mom end up with a more dad-like connection (eg, i know my dad sure would not have wanted to be around us all day by himself when we were kids. not that i GET it, but it was the reality).  it'd be convienient if it worked out that way (as two multi-tasking women etc) though!

You'll do great!  While I normally hate to generalize about what men can and can't do, women are wired different. Maternal instinct doesn't require actually giving birth.

And I also think what the mom "let's" the dad do plays a role in how comfortable they are alone.  What little I've read about you through your blog, you seem like a great match with your wife.  I know you'll make a fantastic 50/50 parent team.

google123

That depends on you.  As long as you feel that it's worth $200 for the day and that you won't regret spending the money (during your relaxing day), then I say go for it.  Anyways, if in the middle of your pig-out day (lets say after a few hours) you start to feel bored, then you can always go upstairs and release your babysitter earlier.  I'd say go for it. 

norika33

cookiemonster03:

I don't want to post-jack, but i have a lot of paranoia about this with the non-bio-mom thing. eg, does the non-bio mom end up with a more dad-like connection (eg, i know my dad sure would not have wanted to be around us all day by himself when we were kids. not that i GET it, but it was the reality).  it'd be convienient if it worked out that way (as two multi-tasking women etc) though!

As a fellow non-bio mom, I relish the time that I get with the kids alone, and have given my wifey, who a SAHM, lots of hours off on the weekend. I work too much, and don't get to see them as much as I would like, so when I do, I basically eat them up. But even so, I totally would love a day to veg on the couch- for me that would include watching episodes of Charmed!

fallbride110406

If the $200 won't kill you and will allow you to truly relax because you trust her, DO IT.  Seriously, I would love to take a day off and just relax, eat junk food and watch movies.

amanda31H

caden:

amanda31H:

No sh$t!  Caden- I already planned your menu and your movie line up.  You just let me know what day it is and I'll send it along....

Now that I've thought about it, I'm shooting for this Saturday so I'm all ears... err.. eyes! 

Do you like older movies?  I would totally watch Gone With the Wind.  Or Philadelphia Story with Katherine Hepburn, Carrie Grant, Jimmy Stewart, etc.

For food, I would totally do a starbucks run in the morning since that's what I miss most about working.  Then I would eat nachos for lunch.  A big plate all for me where the cheese is very evenly dispersed and covering each individual chip.  With this I would pour my skinny girl margarita (not much for the skinny part at this point since I am eating nachos, but mostly for the convenience of it all being in one bottle).  As soon as 3 pm hit, I would get a glass of wine and cheese, bread, olives.

I feel like this menu describes the life I miss.  My working woman starbucks, my bar night out nachos/margarita, and my indulgent take-your-time-munch-as-long-as-you-please wine with cheese. 

cookiemonster03

Haven & norika - thanks for the support

 

Caden - I'd watch Notting Hill. i would also make sure cookie dough as well some nice soft cookies made it into my menu! enjoy!

juliannat

DO IT!!! How often did you have to fork over $200 as part of your ART? that's how I justify stuff like this

atc282

DO IT!!!!

I like that LOs will be with someone you trust and it's a sweet splurge for YOU--a MoM who definitely needs and DESERVES a day however the he!! you want to spend it. 

Enjoy every minute!