*sigh* baby shower/MIL advise

pbj10

When we first told my husbands family that we were expecting, his step-mom and sister offered to throw us a baby shower for his side of the family. DH and I were very grateful and we accepted. MIL was upset when she found out. I talked to SIL and she insisted that we should let her and her step-mom plan it. (DH step-mom is a great party planner). 

Well MIL called and asked about info about the baby shower. DH told her that his step-mom was taking care of everything and to discuss it with her or SIL if she wanted to pitch in. Well MIL let DH step-mom have it.

We are still having our baby shower on May 21st when I'm almost 35 weeks, but MIL now wants to plan the entire baby shower. It makes me sad because I know she won't be able to organize the baby shower that I want and that I've been planning with SIL and DH's step-mom.

In addition, MIL wants the baby shower to be at my house which means that DH and I will end up paying for everything, plus doing all the clean up, and I will probably end up doing all the cooking. (everytime MIL decide to have an event at our house MIL and BIL volunteer to clean up/cook but don't show up until 20 mins before, or they come early and I have to follow them around and pick up after them).

I am upset bc DH's step-mom's feelings were probably hurt and bc I don't want to end up throwing my own baby shower. I am considering asking DH's nanny to let us have it over at her house (neutral territory) or cancelling all together. WDYT?

Syncronicity09

Why can't you tell your MIL that you dont want it at your house and that you would prefer it as already planned? Let her know that your step mom and SIL planned it according to your wishes. Maybe that way it wont seem so much like, step mom's deal. Let her know you would appreciate it if things went ahead and planned and love the idea of them all working together. I don't know your MIL, or how she will respond. But her actions are selfish and catering to her behavior will just reinforce that her behavior gets her way, and you will have to put up with it over and over again.

ChristinaMT4

If you think the nanny would be willing to do it at her house I would go for that. But I would make your MIL ask her. If she wants to throw the shower SHE should be the one to arrange things. I would absolutely put my foot down about having it in your house. That is completely unfair to you, not to mention that it's bad etiquette.

kmv68

MrsPrevost:

Why can't you tell your MIL that you dont want it at your house and that you would prefer it as already planned? Let her know that your step mom and SIL planned it according to your wishes. Maybe that way it wont seem so much like, step mom's deal. Let her know you would appreciate it if things went ahead and planned and love the idea of them all working together. I don't know your MIL, or how she will respond. But her actions are selfish and catering to her behavior will just reinforce that her behavior gets her way, and you will have to put up with it over and over again.

This.  I am not quite sure who backed down or why, but your DH's stepmom and your SIL had it covered already, that should be the end of the story....no one gets to "WIN" having a baby shower unless someone allows them too.  

If the decision is final and it will be given by your MIL (still not sure why) then your DH needs to tell her flat out that it will not be at YOUR house.

LaRue86

Frankly the shower is about you, your DH, and your LO. Period. Personally I would tell MIL to put her big girl panties on and deal with it. The shower is not about her. My mom almost went off on DH's family because they made my shower about them and not about the baby or parents to be...(Not much of a surprise as they did this with my Bridal Shower too)

and now for my nicer response...If she wants to help maybe you could ask your SIL for a task or two to complete. We had the family shower at my house and although it was nice to not have to bring everything home, I would have rather had it elsewhere. I agree with PP that said to tell your MIL that Step Mom and SIL have taken care of it according to your wishes...

Phlenin

kmv68:

MrsPrevost:

Why can't you tell your MIL that you dont want it at your house and that you would prefer it as already planned? Let her know that your step mom and SIL planned it according to your wishes. Maybe that way it wont seem so much like, step mom's deal. Let her know you would appreciate it if things went ahead and planned and love the idea of them all working together. I don't know your MIL, or how she will respond. But her actions are selfish and catering to her behavior will just reinforce that her behavior gets her way, and you will have to put up with it over and over again.

This.  I am not quite sure who backed down or why, but your DH's stepmom and your SIL had it covered already, that should be the end of the story....no one gets to "WIN" having a baby shower unless someone allows them too.  

If the decision is final and it will be given by your MIL (still not sure why) then your DH needs to tell her flat out that it will not be at YOUR house.

This.  And I will go one step further and say that DH needs to step up and resolve this with his mother and put his foot down.  YOU should not be dealing with it.  It's your shower.  All you should worry about is what you're going to wear and having a blast! 

ericav1011

LaRue86:

Frankly the shower is about you, your DH, and your LO. Period. Personally I would tell MIL to put her big girl panties on and deal with it. The shower is not about her. My mom almost went off on DH's family because they made my shower about them and not about the baby or parents to be...(Not much of a surprise as they did this with my Bridal Shower too)

and now for my nicer response...If she wants to help maybe you could ask your SIL for a task or two to complete. We had the family shower at my house and although it was nice to not have to bring everything home, I would have rather had it elsewhere. I agree with PP that said to tell your MIL that Step Mom and SIL have taken care of it according to your wishes...

 

This exactly! I too had problems with DH's family and my mother wanting to rip them a new one, with the bridal shower and now the baby shower. It even went as far as us hearing his stepmother say that my mother doesn't throw a party like they can referring to my bridal shower. Which is funny because this woman has not one ounce of style and plans everything last minute. I can't understand for the life of me why people, especially family, do not seem to know how to not make it about them and to just put on a happy face. I always say I will never be a MIL from hell and if I am, I give permission to DH to shoot me lol. 

pbj10

Thank you ladies. Yesterday when my husband told me I wanted to cry. I don't know if it was the hormones but I was really disappointed to not get the baby shower that I had been imagining. And this morning when I woke up and was thinking about it, I got really depressed. MIL is supposed to come tomorrow and I hope DH can talk to her then. 

ashleah83

I don't know how I would handle this MIL vs SMIL situation but regardless of who ends up throwing what, definitely if I didn't want to have it at my house I would speak up for myself and just say I wasn't comfortable having the function at my house given how tired I am these days.

For what it is is worth my mother and step-mother are each throwing showers.