Any tips for a young SM

manniejean

HI

I just wanted to say HI. I am a 25 yr old soon to be 26 SM. I took on this responsibility when I was a junior in college at the age of 22. DH and I got married in may. I absolutely love my SS, he is my world. I am meeting BM for the first time in Nov, any tips or tricks that will help me keep my cool. She isn't the nicest person on earth.

TIA

PlannedChaos

Does SS live with you or with his mom?  You mentioned that you took on the responsibility at 22, so it sounds like with you? 

If that's the case, I would imagine she would already feel like you've tried to take over her role, and she may be snitty about that.  SO, paste on a smile, try to be too territorial over SS, and just play nice for the time you're seeing her. 

It's REALLY hard, but just let any little annoyances or digs slide.  It's best in the long run.

manniejean

Our Co flip flops every two months, two months in MN. two months in TX. We have shared custody, he flies back and forth between the two states

Ilumine

When happens when he reaches school age?  Who will get custody then? 

Mrs.Sesa

Hi Manniejean!

I'm 27 and took on the babies when I was 25. So I still like to think of myself as a yound mom...even though I don't feel like it! 

As for meeting the BM...she probably is a little resentful and may not like you just cause you are other woman in her son's life. I would just be polite. You are not required to make small talk but if you feel comfortable..then go ahead. 

Since there isn't any bad blood (yet..and hopefully there won't be) between y'all there is any reason that you can just be cordial.  Just keep it light.

manniejean

That is why we need a new CO. This one only lasts until he starts school, which is next fall.

SUwife

Wow, what an awesome arrangement you guys had to keep it fair.  Who has been doing the flying, is it split, or always your DH?  I only see our BM at the airport since we are also in different states. You better start the co process now to figure out which state/parent your SS is going to school with.

Oh, and I started with SD when I was 22, and she was 2.  It's great to have that relationship building from the beginning like that.  All she has known is mostly me in her life when she visits DH, and my family (she wasn't allowed to visit until she was 2 per her court order).

listooks4511

Hi there!  I am also a young SM.  I am currently 23, and my husband and I got married when I was 22.  Before that, my SS knew only me with his dad.  He nevery really knew his dad with his mom since he was too young.  He will be 4 in March!   I have been around since he was a baby. 

 Before I met him, BM said that she didn't want me around him.  My husband immediately acted as if this was an attack.  I reasoned with him, knowing that this would be hard for her and said that he should talk to her about how they would both be bringing new people into his life.  I told my husband that I would wait to see SS until after they talked and she agreed.  From the very beginning, I let her know that I respected her as his BM.  I have always tried to view myself in her position.  Now we have birthday parties together and do as much as we can together to let my SS know that everything is okay as far as we go.  We all get along pretty well.  My advice would just be - let her know that you respect her and it might be tough at first.  If you truly put yourself in her position, it will make it easier.  I know that somethimes, I still get irritated - but BM has become one of my closest friends.  We all get along really well.  I am thankful for that.  We try to do what is best for SS. 

 Good luck!! I know it will be strange at first - but it will get easier.