Need Daycare Advice (sorry it's long)

JayandJack

DS is in daycare full time and we've been pretty happy with the center. DH does the drop offs and pickups becuase it out of my way. It's been this way since day one except on the rare occasions that I have to come get him.

I picked DS up at daycare last Thursday and Friday becuase DH had caught his Hand Foot and Mouth. He could barely walk or pick anything up due to the pain. The main teacher asked where DH was (again it's so rare that I take DS) I told her that he caught it and she was very concerned. I went to leave and she said that she hoped that he felt better. No big deal and it didn't leave a sour taste in my mouth.

DH takes DS to daycare today and comes back (I'm home sick) and tells me they made fun of him. I could tell he was really upset by it. If you've ever seen HFM in adults it's 10x worse. He wore latex gloves so nobody would see his hands and had socks on so nobody would see his feet. He's obviously not contagious but his hands still have lots of dots on them. His face looks like he has bad acne but is much better.  He said one of DS teachers was visably giggling at him and she found it funny that he got it said how rare it was for adults adult got HFM. She even called one of the teachers from the other infant room over. Another dad was dropping his son off in the other infant room and told DH that his FIL had gotten it and had gone to the hospital and he was glad that he didn't get it that bad (DH said he was very nice). When DH told me about this I felt like I was back in elementary school.

I called the school and talked to the director. She was familiar with the outbreak with the infants and noticed his hands in gloves but didn't say anything to him when he walked by the front desk. She was obviously very upset and angry at the teachers and went to talk to them. She called me back and said that they would be calling to apologize and they have been talked to about the situation.  I declined the apology becuase I knew it would make DH all that more uncomfortable. I told her that I would now be doing the pick ups and drop offs from now on and she acknowledged that she knew it was out of my way. I could tell she was sorry and very apologetic and angry at how the other teachers treated DH.

Here is my issue. Obviously I haven't really had a problem before but I'm very angry as to how he was treated. DH had made comments as to how he doesn't think they take him seriously becuase he's "the dad" and not "the mom". They always tell him to check with me and let them know what we want them to do. Ummm...we're both first time parents so being the mom or the dad is pretty irrelevant and DH is incredibly involved in DS.  I've never had a problem but I don't see them like DH does. I don't want DH to be uncomfortable going up there and I am still pretty mad.

Would you find another daycare? WWYD?

~~~If you want to see what HFM looks like in adults there are pictures in the baby blog of DH's hand. Everywhere you see the dots he said felt like nerves were exposed.~~~~~

 

 

ACR

Poor DH! What kind of tone did the teachers have? Were they ugly about it or do you suppose they felt like they were friends with your DH & could rib him about it? Certainly it was inappropriate - particularly if they could tell your DH wasn't amused.

Frankly, if it were me, we'd keep going at it like business as usual because I'd be more annoyed if they thought they'd gotten to me. I'd rather the teachers feel awkward and shamed when they saw my awesome DH coming and going to get LO.

 

misjenn

You're poor DH. I am sure he is incredibly miserable as it is and then dealing with immature teachers on top of it just plain sucks. I would definitely have a problem with them having your DH check with you on things. I am sure they mean well but it is undermining and demeaning. He is a father and I suspect that you both are on the same page with raising your child and work as a team not 2 separate entities. I would address that and as for the rudeness your DH dealt with today I think it was uncalled for and disrespectful. I would possibly ask for a room change because you don't want that type of person caring for your child. I look at my DD's teachers as an extension of me. I want them to treat her as I would and teach her respect and the good qualities I try to instill in her.

JayandJack

ACR:

Poor DH! What kind of tone did the teachers have? Were they ugly about it or do you suppose they felt like they were friends with your DH & could rib him about it? Certainly it was inappropriate - particularly if they could tell your DH wasn't amused.

Frankly, if it were me, we'd keep going at it like business as usual because I'd be more annoyed if they thought they'd gotten to me. I'd rather the teachers feel awkward and shamed when they saw my awesome DH coming and going to get LO.

From what I got from DH their tone was condescending and were making fun of him for catching it.  They've always talked to him differently becuase he's the dad than the other mothers. I even told the director it's common for adults who've never been exposed to it to get it. All their kid has to is sneeze on them which is how we think DH caught it.

ACR

JayandJack:

ACR:

Poor DH! What kind of tone did the teachers have? Were they ugly about it or do you suppose they felt like they were friends with your DH & could rib him about it? Certainly it was inappropriate - particularly if they could tell your DH wasn't amused.

Frankly, if it were me, we'd keep going at it like business as usual because I'd be more annoyed if they thought they'd gotten to me. I'd rather the teachers feel awkward and shamed when they saw my awesome DH coming and going to get LO.

From what I got from DH their tone was condescending and were making fun of him for catching it.  They've always talked to him differently becuase he's the dad than the other mothers. I even told the director it's common for adults who've never been exposed to it to get it. All their kid has to is sneeze on them which is how we think DH caught it.

B!tches.

In that case, I might try to find another place because I'm not sure I could look at them without seething.

mcurban

OK- I've been trying to figure out a way to write this so that it doesn't come off as mean. Hopefully, it won't, b/c that's not my intent.

First of all, sorry again about your DH. The pain sounds terrible!

So, about day care. Your DH is an adult. He had a perfect opportunity while there to confront the teacher and let them know that the way they were talking/ laughing was not ok. Instead, he came home and told you about it and YOU called the director. What stopped him from talking to the director right then? To me, the way that it was handled on your side just confirms the way the teachers were already treating him (i.e., check w/ your wife).  I'm unsure as to why, when the teachers in the past have said something to him regarding your son and told him to check w/ you, why he wouldn't take the opportunity to just say, "I'm his dad, I make decisions, too." or "Do you ask the moms who drop off to check w/ the dads on all these things?" You know, something along those lines. 

I am NOT saying that it was ok for the teachers to laugh or make fun. That's lame and rude. But, at the same time, you're right- you're NOT in elementary school, so DH should have just done something about it right then, rather than come home and had you take care of it, kwim?