Would you invite them...?

cozylittlecave

I'm flying in from Pittsburgh to Texas for a shower in a couple of months. I have a few girls I'm trying to decide whether or not to invite & would like some thoughts. 

Basically, one of the girls I'm very casual friends with, but I'm quite close friends with her fiance. We're invited to the wedding, and they plan to move near us (DC), so we plan to continue our friendship, visit for holidays/long weekends/etc. She currently lives about 5 minutes from my parents' house and works with one of my close friend's mom. I definitely feel like I might hurt her feelings a bit if she wasn't included in the shower (particularly since I'm flying home for it, so it seems like a bigger deal). At the same time though, since we're not super-close, I don't want to seem gift-grabby or inappropriate. She would certainly know people at the shower- they're just not her bffs or anything.

There are a couple others that are in very similar situations- casual friends with strong connections (DH is a close friend/went to school together/etc- definitely not acquaintances!!) who happen to live RIGHT where I'm flying to for the shower.

WWYD?? I don't want to be gift-grabby, but I also don't want them to think I flew all the way home & didn't bother to include them. Size isn't a concern- doing the right thing/not hurting feelings/not bristling feathers is.

mybobofo

When in doubt, invite.  It's not like it's a bunch of people you don't know.  

stylechild622

invite them. if they dont feel like going, they wont come. at least you avoid hurting feelings.

EastCoastBride

I'd invite them. 

Rach21

stylechild622:

invite them. if they dont feel like going, they wont come. at least you avoid hurting feelings.

THIS. I don't think your casual friends with DH connections will show, but the friend who is moving to your area soon and you're going to their wedding will be more likely to show up. Who knows, it might be the beginning of a deeper connection?

FWIW, I ALWAYS invite DH's stepbrothers & stepsisters (and their families) to stuff that we do and they NEVER show up. (When we were sending out our wedding invites, they actually asked 'who are Rachel & Shaun?' Really??? DH's mom dated their dad for 3 years before they got married. Really, you don't know who Shaun is???) Well, I was about to give up on them, but one of his stepsisters came to visit me when I was in labor. So we're making progress!

LaRue86

I ran into the same situation. DH said I did not have to invite the wives of his close friends that I am not close with, but knowing the women I knew it would turn into hurt feelings by not sending one. It is easier to send one and not have them come, than to deal with the fallout of not sending one to begin with. I live in the midwest and have to send my extended family (cousins, etc) that live in Texas invitations to everything because their feelings are hurt if we dont. To me it seems silly. They know I am having a baby and I know they wont come up for a shower. They just simply want to be included.

KayTabes

i would invite them, maybe make a point that it is gift-optional if it makes you feel more comfortable.

kristennd

If they were hyper-sensitive about people being gift grabby, they wouldn't have invited you to their wedding.

Feel free to invite them. 

cherokeemomma87

I would invite them, but put that a gift is not necessary on the invite.  That way you dont hurt feelings and you wont seem like you are inviting them just to get a gift out of it.  

cozylittlecave

cherokeemomma87:

I would invite them, but put that a gift is not necessary on the invite.  That way you dont hurt feelings and you wont seem like you are inviting them just to get a gift out of it.  

I love the idea of mentioning that a gift isn't necessary, but how on earth should I word that?? 

And would it make it too risky that they might come without a gift and feel awkward that everyone else brought one? (now I think I'm just worrying too much) 

Jenniferk08

I would invite them but do not mention anything about no gift on the invite.  If they want to get something they will, if they do not then they won't or they may just do something small. 

kristennd

I wouldn't say anything about no gift. It can lead to hurt feelings. People know how to handle those situations.

Lithigin

Definitely invite the first girl. Look at it as a building block to a closer friendship when she comes to DC.

 

My now-SIL didn't invite me to be in her wedding or to her shower because "we weren't that close" and it didn't occur to her that it might be part of us actually getting closer, you know?

 Anyway, I think I'd invite them. Close opposite-sex friends of spouses are typically invited if there is space, I think.