Babies on the Brain

Baby Jealousy

 Just need to vent, TIA......

 So for a little over a year, I've had major BOTB, but hubby and I have other things in life we'd like to do first. We finished grad school about 4 months ago, we got jobs to prepare for student loans, maybe try to buy a house instead of rent, etc. In the meantime of all this though, three people close to us have had unplanned pregnancies. His sister had a "moment of whimsy" as she called it and was pregnant 5 months into her marriage, one friend and his girlfriend had an unexpected baby, and just today I found out that one of my good friends and bridesmaids just passed her first trimester (btw, last week, her boyfriend proposed to her - what a coincidence).

Does anyone else who plays it "by the book" ever feel a little cheated when moments like this happen? I'm sure all of them love and will provide good lives for their children, but sometimes I really feel like it sucks that I have to put off starting a family when I want one so bad, just to have some of the things that none of those other people do. To put it frankly (and probably offensively, sorry), I feel jipped for being responsible and doing it "right".

 Thanks for listening. 

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Re: Baby Jealousy

  • completely normal. It works for some people (and some people just make it work), but stick to what you know is best for you. It's hard sometimes but that's life. In the meantime, find other things to devote your full attention to in order to help keep your mind off it. Hobbies, financial goals, etc. 
  • I see my single friend struggle with being a single mom, I see couples that separated or divorced because they got married for the wrong reason and I see friends that struggle financially to provide and then I don't feel jealous. Obviously not all that do things baby first have these issues, but my circle of friends alone has had its share. I'm the one that waited. I'm the only one that owns a house, has a career as does my DH and the only one to obtain my college degree. You might be jealous that they're doing the baby thing first, but they will have their jealous moments of what they feel like they missed. Go on a vacation, enjoy your solo time, do all of that while enjoying THEIR babies occasionally.

    Everyone thinks someone else has it better, when really we all just have DIFFERENT issues. 

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  • I feel your pain.

    Although DH and I didn't exactly go by the book (we closed on our first house and got engaged on the same day) I definitely feel your pain.  I met my grandparent's first great grandbaby (my oldest female cousin's baby) last year right after my third failed clomid cycle and surpassing the 2 years TTC mark.

    That was a painfully ugly cry but it's how life goes.  People have babies when they're not planned.  People have babies after many years of TTC.  People adopt children because they never successfully carry a pregnancy to term.  You don't get any extra incentive for doing it the "right" way. There's nothing you can do about it but know that it will be your turn one day.


    Edit: I'm finding it somewhat important to say that I am fairly young and my cousin is 4 years younger than me.  I am the oldest grandchild on all sides of the family.  In fact, I am the oldest great-grandchild as well.  So, yeah, it stings that I didn't get to have the first great or great-great grandbaby.

  • I want to agree, and say from the OPPOSITE side, there are many times where I have been the jealous one. DS wasn't planned & that is no secret for many who know me.

    We didn't get to have fun, travel, etc. There were many things we rushed to do & have put off doing. I had so many ideas & goals for what I wanted before DS, and we ultimately decided that we wanted our kids closer in age, so we've put many dreams on the burner. With our difficulties in the last 1.5 years, I'm glad we made this decision. We just made it work for us.

    Many times, I beat myself up for feeling that way, but I know that it's normal & I never let it consume me. Please make sure you do something else to keep your mind off it.

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  • understandable. It's even worse when there are so many women out there who suffer from IF on top of all that. 

    Being responsible sucks sometimes. But in the long run, you are better off doing it "the right way". You are doing what is best for your future child. GL to you. 

  • ::lurking & butting in from TTCAL::

    I'm sorry I've never posted an intro here, but I just had to comment on this. I was in your exact emotional position several months ago. DH and I are both students and really wanted children but just "knew it was right" to wait until we were done with school, established, etc. I went off the Pill in September for non-TTC reasons and we decided to loosely TTA, knowing that our chances of conceiving were increased - and we were ok with whatever happened. Then, I got pg in December and we were thrilled. Needless to say, we lost that first precious LO in January.

    DH and I are still in school, and are TTA for now, but are going to TTC in the next few months. To be honest with you, there is never a "right time" to have a child. I don't care how much money one has, how big one's house is, what kind of car one drives, etc - those things don't make a parent. Love makes a parent.

    So you know what? If you and your DH want to start a family that badly, and if it just feels like a knife in the heart every time you think about not "being ready" for a baby - I say, go for it. Life is just too short. Only you know what is best for your family, but IMHO I think you should ask yourself: why are you torturing yourself emotionally?

    I really hope you find peace in whatever decision you make, it is a really tough road to be on. I hope I've given you some things to think about - I wish someone could have told me these things several months ago, it would have put a lot of things to rest in my mind. 

    ::butting out now::

  • Thanks everybody for the encouragement, much of what you all said I have also thought or realized at some point, it's just so easy to get emotional on this topic (as I'm sure all of you know, haha). I guess we'll just have to see how life plays out for us. My heart especially goes out to Tiffany, thanks for the heartfelt answer, and best of luck to you and your DH when you decide to TTCAL again.
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