Do I have to let other people help host???
So I volunteered to host my friend's baby shower when I found out she was pregnant. She's now 4 months, and five other people have offered to help. (When they each asked her about a shower she sent them all to me!) My standard response is that I appreciate the offer and I'd let them know once I knew a few more details. Am I being a total control freak if I don't want anyone else to help? Whenever I've heard that someone is hosting a shower for someone else, I just think the duty is "taken" and move on. All these people are volunteering their houses, to cook or bring food, etc, and I'm not sure how to handle it as I'm pretty particular about details and have been planning this silly shower for a while now. Should I just get over myself and let everyone else help, or is it okay if I just do it myself? I know many people would welcome the help, but events/details/quality are sort of my thing, and these other women don't really "think" like I do. Thanks for your suggestions!
~ jillian
Re: Do I have to let other people help host???
I completely understand your frustration!! I'm a huge control freak myself, and I was so anxious about having someone's cousin want to help throw a lingerie shower.
I decided to chill and let her help. I was convinced I'd hate what she was contributing, but I was totally wrong. She didn't take over, she was very courteous, and her ideas/contribution were lovely (and minimal).
I think your best bet might be with food. Have them all help bring/cook food!! Since there are multiple people, I'd think you could dictate as well. It would be a big help to you cost & work wise, but you'd still get a lot of say & control. You could do the same with decorations & give some guidelines or more specific tasks.
www.cozylittlecave.com
I would just thank them for their offer and let them know that at this point you have everything under control and that you might need some help on the actually shower day.
I am totally like you. We host Easter every year for the last few. Before that everyone just brought something foodwise. Well, the last couple of years I thought having a themed Easter dinner (since we host on Saturday) would be kind of fun. First was Polish, then last year was Italian. Well, people always ask what to bring, etc. I told my SIL to just bring cannoli's as one of the desserts (she brought boughten chocolate chip cookies). My other SIL was supposed to bring a Ceaser salad (opps...she doesn't like Ceasar so brought taco salad!). This year I am making ALL the food. If they want to bring something it can be pop , plates, napkins, Margaritas!! lol
Here's the thing- "helping" is not "hosting". You don't have to sign them on as co-hosts where they really should be involved in all the planning, but I would try to find something to ask them to do. Then the day of the shower, I would make a point to thank them in front of everyone for their help.
Remember- for as much as you want to help your friend, they do too. This shower isn't about throwing the perfectly detailed party, it's about surrounding the new mom w/ her friends and enjoying each others company.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
If it were me, I would allow them to bring food if they want to help. If you have a specific menu in mind, I would mention your planned menu items and say, "can you make (insert food of choice)?" or "can you bring something that goes well with (whatever you want to be the focal point)?" Just so you don't get cocktail weenies or chips and salsa if you want to do finger sandwiches and canapes. But I would let them help in some way. I think that's MUCH better than throwing a shower and NO ONE offering to help at all.
This is the way most showers are done here. People tell the guest of honor they would like to host something for them and then the guest of honor gives those names to one person to get in touch with everyone else, or vice versa. I have seven hostesses for my shower this weekend, and I am hosting a shower at the end of the month with 11 hostesses.
Usually the way we work it is 2-3 people do most of the inital planning, then everyone votes on a day/time. Then one person picks out options for invites and we all vote on our favorite. Everyone is assigned a dish, or plates/napkins, or beverage to bring. Someone is incharge of the gift, and another flowers, and diaper cake. Then everyone comes early and helps set up, and stays after to clean up.
For the money side we all keep recipets and one person comes up with what everyone owes, taking into account what each person has spent and the total cost.
Most of the time there is no problem as to deciding on how to do it, as the guest of honor has usually indicated her preferences to at least one person (ex. My 2 BFFs know that I don't want games, and also would like there to be wine there for those who aren't preg).
The main thing is just finding out what each person is comfortable spending.
Hope this helps in case you do decide to co-host. I have alwasy found it more fun and less stressful than doing it alone. Which I have done before, as well.
Definitely let them help-- I have a good friend who was throwing a mutual good friend a baby shower- she tried to do everything herself (despite many of us offering to help) and by the day before was having a meltdown-- I ended up helping her paint flowerpots early the morning of the shower.. that we never did use.
Food is the easiest- ask people to bring different things-- drinks are easiest and least theme specific- another thing which I thought was the best shower idea EVER was pre-addressed and stamped thank you cards- man I wish someone had done that for me! Put another person in charge of attendance- calling people who haven't RSVPed. Another person can be in charge of getting the gifts home- etc.
There are lots of ways people can help without getting too much in your way!