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Visitors after birth... What is your management plan?

DH and I are planning a homebirth.  We decided that we needed at least 10 days after the baby is born to bond and get used to things since this is our first LO.  I have a pushy MIL who has been telling me how everything is going to go and what is best for HER.. So, DH and I agreed on a few things:  1) Let everyone know that we will be accepting our first visitors 10 days after his arrival... 2) that they need to call ahead and schedule a time that is best for us.. no unannounced pop-ins... 3)  that we would wait to make any birth announcement until hours after he is born.

 ***Explanation of why 10 days:

Well, my husband is in the Army.  We live 8 hours apart... And I am driving to NC to have the homebirth at my parents home (which is about 2 hours away from where my husband is stationed). So, we will have their support the whole time... But my husband gets only 10 days of leave before he has to go away, again.  So... Since we have been married 4 years, and never lived together... 10 days of bonding with our new son and each other seems fair. Especially since we have only seen each other 271 days out of 5 years (4 of them married) of being in the military.

I'm interested to see what you all are planning/have done..  Any suggestions/things I may not have thought about?

Re: Visitors after birth... What is your management plan?

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    We will be delaying telling anyone until the LO is a couple hours old, and then we will slowly tell the important people first and let it trickle from there. Everyone already knows they are not to stop by un-announced, however 10 days seems really excessive to me. We're staying at the home we are birthing at (not our own) for 12 hours post arrival so we will have no visitors there, then we would like to be home for a little while (at most another 12 hours) then visitors can come as long as they let us know.

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    imageHallil:

    We will be delaying telling anyone until the LO is a couple hours old, and then we will slowly tell the important people first and let it trickle from there. Everyone already knows they are not to stop by un-announced, however 10 days seems really excessive to me. We're staying at the home we are birthing at (not our own) for 12 hours post arrival so we will have no visitors there, then we would like to be home for a little while (at most another 12 hours) then visitors can come as long as they let us know.

     

    Well, my husband is in the Army.  We live 8 hours apart... And I am driving to NC to have the homebirth at my parents home (which is about 2 hours away from where my husband is stationed). So, we will have their support the whole time... But my husband gets only 10 days of leave before he has to go away, again.  So... Since we have been married 4 years, and never lived together... 10 days of bonding with our new son and each other seems fair. Especially since we have only seen each other 271 days out of 5 years (4 of them married) of being in the military.

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    10 days sounds like a long time to me. I hope you have an easy time making it work for you though. I know I would be dying to show off LO. It's great you and DH both agree, I'd suggest telling everyone in a matter-of-fact tone and perhaps YH should handle his mother on his own. I would prepare yourself for pushy unannounced/uninvited visitors as well. I know I would have a really hard time staying away from a new baby of someone dear to me for so long.

    Our plans are to have 1-2 hours of skin-to-skin contact with LO, and breastfeeding asap. I would also like a chance to relax and shower before visitors. I absolutely do not want anyone in the waiting room, but we will not be telling anyone when I go into labor. My concern with visitors is myself being comfortable with visitors standing/walking while holding LO. DH and I have agreed anyone holding LO will be sitting and of course everyone will wash their hands! 

     


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    imageHallil:

    We will be delaying telling anyone until the LO is a couple hours old, and then we will slowly tell the important people first and let it trickle from there. Everyone already knows they are not to stop by un-announced, however 10 days seems really excessive to me. We're staying at the home we are birthing at (not our own) for 12 hours post arrival so we will have no visitors there, then we would like to be home for a little while (at most another 12 hours) then visitors can come as long as they let us know.

     

    OT- Just have to say I love your siggy pic, the one on the right, not far right looks just like my Bart, but they are all gorgeous.

    On topic- I have no real game plan. SO and mom will be in delivery (my moms a nurse so she can help me understand what is going on), after that we will play it by ear and rest of family will just have to wait until we are ready.

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    Our parents all live within 20-25 minutes of us and within 30-35 of the hospital.  We are not calling them until after she is born and we are ready for visitors.  The only thing that will change this is if we are in labor very early morning say 5ish and know the baby is coming in the next couple hours we will call and give our moms a heads up so they can get someone to cover for them at work (they both work at schools) but they will be told not to come until we call them again.  We will also let the nurses know that it's okay to help kick people out so they don't overstay their welcome.  When we are at home, we are just going to ask that they call and ask ahead of time.
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    Come one, come all.  The more the merrier.  That's my plan.  I love company.
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    imageAuburnTiger11:
    Well, my husband is in the Army.  We live 8 hours apart... And I am driving to NC to have the homebirth at my parents home (which is about 2 hours away from where my husband is stationed). So, we will have their support the whole time... But my husband gets only 10 days of leave before he has to go away, again.  So... Since we have been married 4 years, and never lived together... 10 days of bonding with our new son and each other seems fair. Especially since we have only seen each other 271 days out of 5 years (4 of them married) of being in the military.

    Ah I see, special circumstances. What does he think about the 10 day thing?

    image
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    My MIL passed away in a car accident the day we came home form the hospital with DD, so needless to say we were surrounded with family for the next 2 weeks. We had 5 family members staying at our house and another 5 or 6 staying at his Uncles house a few blocks away. We did not get any of that special alone time to enjoy our first born, and it took about 6 months before we came out of the fog of loseing his mom.

    This time around, other than having my mom here to help with DD while we are at the hospital and the first week when we get home, I have told people they may visit in the hospital, but once we get home we will not be accepting ANY visiters for the first 3 days. After that people can visit but they will have to come after noon because I want to enjoy my mornings. My DHs grandmother is a little upset and his Aunt is a little upset but thats how its going to be. His Grandma will just cry the whole time and his Aunt is a know-it-all baby hog, I really just do not want to deal with that when I first get home...


    DD1 Born 11/06/09
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    imagesusanlovestexas:
    Come one, come all.  The more the merrier.  That's my plan.  I love company.

     

    Hahah.. Well, I might feel this way if I got to be with my husband most of the time.  I have been lucky enough to be able to see him every 4-6 weeks for the past 8 months...  Before that I would go for months without hearing anything.. No phone calls, no letters... I had no idea where he was.  So, I am sooo ready to just have 10 days of not worrying about him leaving. Especially since we will get to share in this miracle... We are so blessed... 

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    imageHallil:

    imageAuburnTiger11:
    Well, my husband is in the Army.  We live 8 hours apart... And I am driving to NC to have the homebirth at my parents home (which is about 2 hours away from where my husband is stationed). So, we will have their support the whole time... But my husband gets only 10 days of leave before he has to go away, again.  So... Since we have been married 4 years, and never lived together... 10 days of bonding with our new son and each other seems fair. Especially since we have only seen each other 271 days out of 5 years (4 of them married) of being in the military.

    Ah I see, special circumstances. What does he think about the 10 day thing?

    DH?  He doesn't even want to call him mom!  LOL.  She lives in south Florida... and she is one of the most high maintenance people I have EVER met in my life... (She is one of those people that no matter how awesome an event is she will ALWAYS find something to complain about, or make herself a victim and say she had a horrible time... KNIM? )  DH wishes we could have more than 10 days alone, but we agreed that it might not be reasonable.  Both of my parents will be there, and my little sister.  They are all very calm and nurturing people.  

    I think saying 10 days up front will be a kind of buffer to people like his mother, who doesn't get boundaries. If we are feeling okay, we might decide otherwise.. but her stress is unbelievable, and I am afraid that if I don't have enough time for recovery, that I might lose my self control and really put her in her place... hahaha... 

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    I will be the first to say that some alone time with your new family is amazing after having people around...but having a baby isn't only about you and your immediate family - the excitement of having a new one around affects everyone a little bit - Setting some "rules" up front is a good idea so people know what to expect - I personally am telling people what hours we will have visitors in the first few days after - it seems like you FINALLY start to get a little rest/down time when someone else shows up.  

     I think it is important to explain to people why you don't want people around 24/7 so they don't get offended.  I told my family that they all know what a crabby B I am without enough sleep and I would appreciate them supporting me so the visits that we do have are of the best quality.  When that baby is crying and you are totally exhausted, you may find yourself begging to have someone there to hold the baby for a while so you can just sleep for a half an hour...you may not want your MIL but there are times (especially in the first10 days) that you seriously will doubt your ability to function at all.  I wish you the best of luck!!

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    I say considering the circumstances, 10 days is fine. I think that you two should take them. With him in the military, I think people would be rude to not understand.

    A tip....take the phone of the hook, lock the doors, and pretend not to be home if all else fails. =)

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    KERJFKERJF member

    i welcome my parents, and DHs dad and sister (his mother is no longer with us) to sit in the waiting room if they want, but they all know that we are going to take our time after she is born before we just start letting people in to hold her and take her from us.

    my mom and dad are super respectful of this - DHs sister cant take a clue and thinks she will be camping outside my delivery room. not pleased about that one to be honest if she does do that.

    i know grandparents will want to come up - and im totally cool with that too. we just want to keep it to family though - no friends.


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    immediate family will probably be at the hospital. Lat time, they spent the day there while I labored, and then we fell asleep when we were done with skin to skin and breastfeeding time. The next day, when I was in the recovering room, immediate family came in to meet DS. The nurses shuffled people out here and there as I needed it. We had a few welcome visitors at the hospital.

    When we got home, my mom stayed with us for a couple of nights to help. We had no visitors for a few days. I think everyone had to go back to work. My MIL came a week or so later to help out. Both moms let us have our space and were non-intrusive.

    No came over uninvited or without checking first. When I was healed and we were comfortable with our NB being around more people (germs, etc), we took him to family.

    I was really concerned about it because my husbands family is a bit overwhelming. It turned out they were just fine. :)

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    Birth and the entering of a new life is a special, special time. I originally had no plans to have anyone but SO in the room, but my mom and sister watched DS be born. They drove to the hospital at 3 am to be there. I do not regret it for the world, I am so happy that I shared it with them.I could not imagine denying my close family the opportunity to bond with their newborn family member.

    Honestly, I would just take it as it comes. You might want people to share those early days moments with you. 

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    imagekayla&joe:
    imagesusanlovestexas:
    Come one, come all.  The more the merrier.  That's my plan.  I love company.
    This is our plan too.

    OP- I understand your situation but I think 10 days is really excessive. I also don't think that it is fair that your parents will be there the whole time and you don't even want your MIL to see the baby for at least 10 days. I don't see the problem with her visiting sooner than that if she were to stay at a hotel or something.

    Though I'm not sure why you asked because every time someone tells you what they are planning to respond that your situation is different and you think 10 days would be best. If that is what you and your DH want then go with it, you don't need validation from anyone.

    I agree with all of this.

    And I don't understand not wanting to share and show off a new baby right away to as many people as possible (unless there are health concerns...i.e. flu season). My only "plan" is to try and get everyone to come visit us while we're still in the hospital. Only so I don't have to worry about having a clean house for people, lol.

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    imagekayla&joe:
    imagesusanlovestexas:
    Come one, come all.  The more the merrier.  That's my plan.  I love company.
    This is our plan too. OP- I understand your situation but I think 10 days is really excessive. I also don't think that it is fair that your parents will be there the whole time and you don't even want your MIL to see the baby for at least 10 days. I don't see the problem with her visiting sooner than that if she were to stay at a hotel or something. Though I'm not sure why you asked because every time someone tells you what they are planning to respond that your situation is different and you think 10 days would be best. If that is what you and your DH want then go with it, you don't need validation from anyone.

    ITA on all counts.

    My DH travels with the military, too, so I understand the importance of time together, but you really just don't know what you're going to be in the mood for visitor-wise until you have the baby.  I didn't want anyone around for DS's birth until I had been in labor for 14 hours and was calling my family to come see me in the hospital.

    10 days seems like an arbitrary number for knowing how long you need to bond.  If your DH wasn't going back to base after 10 days would you still want these rules for the same time frame?  Or are you really just trying to come up with a way to block MIL out and make it look like a universal thing?  It seems to me that you and DH just aren't good at policing boundaries with an overzealous MIL.  Most people who are going to want to visit in the early days know to call ahead of time, to not stay long, to bring a meal or help out at the house.  The list of rules comes across as control freaky, no matter how good your intentions are.

    On a side note: do you have someone attending your homebirth?  We've had a big hubbub about CPMs here recently and one very popular one was arrested for attending without a license.  A few of my friends have since had to deliver without a midwife at all and a couple chose to go to the birthing center in Chapel Hill instead.  CNMs are fine, but a lot of them are getting the CPMs' clients now and it may be hard to find someone with this late notice.

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    imagekayla&joe:
    imagesusanlovestexas:
    Come one, come all.  The more the merrier.  That's my plan.  I love company.
    This is our plan too. OP- I understand your situation but I think 10 days is really excessive. I also don't think that it is fair that your parents will be there the whole time and you don't even want your MIL to see the baby for at least 10 days. I don't see the problem with her visiting sooner than that if she were to stay at a hotel or something. Though I'm not sure why you asked because every time someone tells you what they are planning to respond that your situation is different and you think 10 days would be best. If that is what you and your DH want then go with it, you don't need validation from anyone.

    ITA on all counts.

    My DH travels with the military, too, so I understand the importance of time together, but you really just don't know what you're going to be in the mood for visitor-wise until you have the baby.  I didn't want anyone around for DS's birth until I had been in labor for 14 hours and was calling my family to come see me in the hospital.

    10 days seems like an arbitrary number for knowing how long you need to bond.  If your DH wasn't going back to base after 10 days would you still want these rules for the same time frame?  Or are you really just trying to come up with a way to block MIL out and make it look like a universal thing?  It seems to me that you and DH just aren't good at policing boundaries with an overzealous MIL.  Most people who are going to want to visit in the early days know to call ahead of time, to not stay long, to bring a meal or help out at the house.  The list of rules comes across as control freaky, no matter how good your intentions are.

    On a side note: do you have someone attending your homebirth?  We've had a big hubbub about CPMs here recently and one very popular one was arrested for attending without a license.  A few of my friends have since had to deliver without a midwife at all and a couple chose to go to the birthing center in Chapel Hill instead.  CNMs are fine, but a lot of them are getting the CPMs' clients now and it may be hard to find someone with this late notice.

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    10 days with just you, DH and LO? I think you might get more bored than you think and actually crave a little chit chat! My opinion though. I also think moms and dads should have a chance to see their new grandson/ grand daughter as soon as possible. Again, my opinion. None of this changes the fact that this is you and your husband's special moment and you should do things the way you see fit whether people like it or not.  

    Good luck! 

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    I would say with your special circumstances, I would let your MIL come after a week.  Plenty of time for you to bond (I would think, I could be wrong) but so that she could still see LO and your husband together. 
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    I have no experience with military families, so I could be way off here....  But if you want your DH at the birth, I assume that's when his 10 days starts ticking...then if you have a 24-36 hour labor, DH may only have 8 or even fewer days with you and LO before he has to leave again.  I agree it seems very short and would want as much time together just as a family as well.  But it also sounds like MIL doesn't see her son often either? I'm sure it'd be nice, even for LO in the future to look back on, to see pictures of him with his dad and grandmother... You'd miss that if you exclude her from that time. Can she come on Day 7 (or 9) of his leave and stay in a hotel?

    Our personal plan is no one at the hospital (they can't come into delivery room anyhow); notice to grandparents that baby is born after we are in our postpartum room for a couple of hours; immediate family members (just our siblings and spouses) can visit when we are home for a couple of hours. But they'll be bringing us meals, holding/watching LO so DH and I can shower/nap, etc. Friends can wait a week or two or more...

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    Caitlin 4.17.11     Madeline 10.20.13

     
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    imagekayla&joe:
    imagesusanlovestexas:
    Come one, come all.  The more the merrier.  That's my plan.  I love company.
    This is our plan too.

    OP- I understand your situation but I think 10 days is really excessive. I also don't think that it is fair that your parents will be there the whole time and you don't even want your MIL to see the baby for at least 10 days. I don't see the problem with her visiting sooner than that if she were to stay at a hotel or something.

    Though I'm not sure why you asked because every time someone tells you what they are planning to respond that your situation is different and you think 10 days would be best. If that is what you and your DH want then go with it, you don't need validation from anyone.

    All the above! Both sides of our families are states away, more than likely won't be able to come and visit anyway, which sucks bc I'd give anything for some help & family support and DH is in the military so he will be back at work in no time I'm sure. I just love how so many try and "plan" time-reality is everyone is going to want to swarm the baby on birth day/very soon after, then you'll be wishing they were around to help you after some weeks/months when the visitors quickly disappear; esp in your situation where you sound like you'll be alone after those 10 days. Everyone is different but let's be real, birth is just like entertainment-15 minutes of fame as soon as baby is born and trust me, I'm on #3, you'll have plenty of 'alone' time...18 years to begin with :)

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    I loved having visitors in the hospital and at home after having DS. A new baby is such a celebration in our family and I wanted everyone to share in it with me and DH. There was plenty of time to bond with my little family and no one overstayed their welcome. I think it would be pretty mean of me to tell my MIL that she couldn't come see my new baby for 10 days, and it would probably really hurt her feelings. That's just my opinion though.

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    I think your plan sounds reasonable for your situation but it is unique enough that there's really nothing for anyone else to say. The important part is that you and your husband agree on it. And there's certainly room to change your mind later.

    Since you both dislike MIL and expect her to cause problems, I don't think you're under any obligation to allow her to come sooner that you are both comfortable. 

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    imageGastro:

    Doesn't seem fair that your parents get to be there (since you are giving birth in their home) and MIL has to wait 10 days. 

     

    Perhaps to you... Maybe your MIL is really awesome and really cares about you and your family.... 

     A few Examples:

    My MIL:

    -Doesn't make a real effort to be in DH's life unless asking for money 

    -When DH was deployed to Afghanistan she never ONCE sent him anything.  Not a card, not a care package, nothing. 

    -She doesn't respect or listen when boundaries are created... 

    -She is high maintinanance... 

    -She is an alcoholic and smoker.. (Yes, she smoked and drank during all 3 of her pregnancies... All 3 boys are the only ones in the family that have asthma...  Her excuse "Well the Drs. never told me it was a bad thing!") and when asked to not smoke in a persons home she pitches a fit... and has smoked inside my apartment even after being asked to please smoke on the back porch.. 

     

    My parents:

    -Paid for half of our wedding (we paid the other half)

    -Anytime DH needs something my parents are the FIRST to go out and get it for him... (i.e. DH had no AC when staying in barracks, my dad went out and bought him a $500.00 AC unit so DH could survive the hot & humid NC summers) and my parents are BARELY getting by..

    -They sent him tons of things while he was deployed

    -They have participated and supported everything either of us has done

    -They make sure DH knows he is family and  is always welcome in their home and can come up to get a break from the Army any time with or without me...

     

    ---------------------------------------

    I guess.. it more has to do with support. Ya know?  After giving birth... we just don't want to deal with her shenanigans...

    Do you want to trade MILs????  Perhaps if you had mine you might change your mind.. haha. 

     


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    imageMom_again!:

    10 days with just you, DH and LO? I think you might get more bored than you think and actually crave a little chit chat! My opinion though. I also think moms and dads should have a chance to see their new grandson/ grand daughter as soon as possible. Again, my opinion. None of this changes the fact that this is you and your husband's special moment and you should do things the way you see fit whether people like it or not.  

    Good luck! 

     

    Thanks, haha..

    No, it is 10 days with me, DH, and LO staying at my parents house in NC with my mom, dad, and younger sister.  

     

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    imageAuburnTiger11:
    imageGastro:

    Doesn't seem fair that your parents get to be there (since you are giving birth in their home) and MIL has to wait 10 days. 

     

    Perhaps to you... Maybe your MIL is really awesome and really cares about you and your family.... 

     A few Examples:

    My MIL:

    -Doesn't make a real effort to be in DH's life unless asking for money 

    -When DH was deployed to Afghanistan she never ONCE sent him anything.  Not a card, not a care package, nothing. 

    -She doesn't respect or listen when boundaries are created... 

    -She is high maintinanance... 

    -She is an alcoholic and smoker.. (Yes, she smoked and drank during all 3 of her pregnancies... All 3 boys are the only ones in the family that have asthma...  Her excuse "Well the Drs. never told me it was a bad thing!") and when asked to not smoke in a persons home she pitches a fit... and has smoked inside my apartment even after being asked to please smoke on the back porch.. 

     

    My parents:

    -Paid for half of our wedding (we paid the other half)

    -Anytime DH needs something my parents are the FIRST to go out and get it for him... (i.e. DH had no AC when staying in barracks, my dad went out and bought him a $500.00 AC unit so DH could survive the hot & humid NC summers) and my parents are BARELY getting by..

    -They sent him tons of things while he was deployed

    -They have participated and supported everything either of us has done

    -They make sure DH knows he is family and  is always welcome in their home and can come up to get a break from the Army any time with or without me...

     

    ---------------------------------------

    I guess.. it more has to do with support. Ya know?  After giving birth... we just don't want to deal with her shenanigans...

    Do you want to trade MILs????  Perhaps if you had mine you might change your mind.. haha. 

    It seems very selfish to keep her away from her grandchild for ten days because you don't think she does enough for you and your H.  If you were staying totally isolated from any visitors for that period of time, I might could see the logic, but to allow one set of the child's grandparents to spend tons of time around your baby and to refuse MIL visiting rights isn't justified.  None of the reasons you listed for wanting one side of the family present and not the other are good enough, in my opinion.  

    Oh, and once upon a time, doctors didn't warn pregnant women about the dangers of smoking.  The studies on negative outcomes associated with smoking during pregnancy are fairly recent.  I do judge women who have all of the information now and continue to smoke, but not the women of previous generations who didn't even know that smoke was bad for their own health. 

    Married to my best friend 6/5/10
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    BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
    BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
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    imagekacelle:
    imageAuburnTiger11:
    imageGastro:

    Doesn't seem fair that your parents get to be there (since you are giving birth in their home) and MIL has to wait 10 days. 

     

    Perhaps to you... Maybe your MIL is really awesome and really cares about you and your family.... 

     A few Examples:

    My MIL:

    -Doesn't make a real effort to be in DH's life unless asking for money 

    -When DH was deployed to Afghanistan she never ONCE sent him anything.  Not a card, not a care package, nothing. 

    -She doesn't respect or listen when boundaries are created... 

    -She is high maintinanance... 

    -She is an alcoholic and smoker.. (Yes, she smoked and drank during all 3 of her pregnancies... All 3 boys are the only ones in the family that have asthma...  Her excuse "Well the Drs. never told me it was a bad thing!") and when asked to not smoke in a persons home she pitches a fit... and has smoked inside my apartment even after being asked to please smoke on the back porch.. 

     

    My parents:

    -Paid for half of our wedding (we paid the other half)

    -Anytime DH needs something my parents are the FIRST to go out and get it for him... (i.e. DH had no AC when staying in barracks, my dad went out and bought him a $500.00 AC unit so DH could survive the hot & humid NC summers) and my parents are BARELY getting by..

    -They sent him tons of things while he was deployed

    -They have participated and supported everything either of us has done

    -They make sure DH knows he is family and  is always welcome in their home and can come up to get a break from the Army any time with or without me...

     

    ---------------------------------------

    I guess.. it more has to do with support. Ya know?  After giving birth... we just don't want to deal with her shenanigans...

    Do you want to trade MILs????  Perhaps if you had mine you might change your mind.. haha. 

    It seems very selfish to keep her away from her grandchild for ten days because you don't think she does enough for you and your H.  If you were staying totally isolated from any visitors for that period of time, I might could see the logic, but to allow one set of the child's grandparents to spend tons of time around your baby and to refuse MIL visiting rights isn't justified.  None of the reasons you listed for wanting one side of the family present and not the other are good enough, in my opinion.  

    Oh, and once upon a time, doctors didn't warn pregnant women about the dangers of smoking.  The studies on negative outcomes associated with smoking during pregnancy are fairly recent.  I do judge women who have all of the information now and continue to smoke, but not the women of previous generations who didn't even know that smoke was bad for their own health. 

     

    :)  Ok.  You are entitled to your opinion.  Thankfully, DH and I are on the exact same page, and have no issues with our decision. 

    MY MOTHER who had my brother in 1971 was told ABSOLUTELY NO SMOKING AND NO DRINKING ALCOHOL.   Hmm....  In 1971.....

    His mother SMOKED AND DRANK with ALL 3 of her sons.. Her oldest (my husband) was born in 1980....................  I am CERTAIN that Drs knew about the implications and did warn them consistently by 1980...

     ..but I will still check some resources. 

    ...  And here is just one resource:  An article from 1978:

    https://news.google.com/newspapers?id=KeAzAAAAIBAJ&sjid=bDIHAAAAIBAJ&pg=6803,2843430&dq=smoking+danger+pregnancy&hl=en

     By the way -- you seem very young and are newly married... How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

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    I am very young, and was married 10 months younger.  :)  I'm 20.

    I mentioned the recency of the research on smoking because my child development professor did a poll of our class a few weeks ago, and had students ask their mothers what advice they had been given regarding smoking and alcohol during pregnancy.  He mentioned that his reasoning for asking this was that it hadn't been something that every single doctor warned their patients regarding until a few decades ago.  I guess that might apply more to our grandparents' generation than to our parents'?

    Married to my best friend 6/5/10
    BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
    BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
    BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
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