2nd Trimester

So Worried...Please Read Me

 I posted this in the August boards but I need all the advice I can get so I posted here too... 

We got some sad news today...my dad had melanoma last year taken off his back. They did a biopsy of his lymph nodes after the surgery and he was all clear that it hadn't spread. Well my mom checks his back pretty regularly for any sort of discoloration or lumps of any sort. About a month ago she found a lump about the size of a quarter right next to where he had the melanoma taken off before. They finally went to the doctor on Monday and the doctor was concerned and scheduled him to go into surgery to remove the lump yesterday. It ended up being a pretty large tumor, around the size of a sand dollar? They did a biopsy on it and the results came back today and it's melanoma again. We are so devastated.

He goes in Tuesday to get a scan done of his whole body to see if it has spread to any where else in his body. If it comes back negative they will do surgery on the area again and take a skin graft from his leg. If it comes back positive he will have to start Chemo.

I am just an absolute wreck. I've been crying all day and am just so scared that I might loose my dad from this. I am terrified all of this shock and stress may make me have a miscarriage. Does anyone know if stress like this can cause a misscarriage? I'm so worried about it I feel like I want to call my doctor or something. Someone please tell me something I can do to chill out. All my friends are calling and I can't even hold it together enough to pick up the phone.

Re: So Worried...Please Read Me

  • I want to say how sorry I am for you and your family... this is a very hard thing to go through....

     

    As far as the stress causing a miscarriage I really could not say. I would think the baby will be okay but you should always ask your doctor just in case.  I can tell you no matter how hard it is just try to have faith... I know how difficult that is but I have been through something similar. In Oct 2009 I was diagnosed with a very rare bone cancer... The odds were not very good getting rid of it... I went through chemo and radiation and surgery... I was told that I probably would not be able to have children and a year later I am 23 weeks pregnant with my first baby... No signs of the cancer.... Good things do happen! I sounds like they have been very good at checking your father and that is a good thing.

    You may find that it helps to talk to somebody other than friends...  The most important thing is to keep taking care of yourself and your baby!! Again I am so sorry for everything that you are going through...  

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  • @NikkiCola: Thank you so much for your response and that is so amazing and inspirational that you made it through cancer and are healthy and pregnant! That just seriously made me tear up. You are right, I need to have faith. My dad does! He's acting cool as a cucumber about this and I'm the one totally freaking out! Thank you so much for posting
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  • You're welcome!! It is very good that your dad is calm about it!! Attitude is one of the most important things in my opinion... If you need to talk at all just message me! I am pretty sure you can do that on here... I am new :)  
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  • We went through this with my dad 4 years ago.  Fortunately and Unfortunately, my parents kept it from my sister and I until it was resolved.  

    I am very sorry to hear that it has returned.  Luckily, because they are diligent about checking, they likely caught it early.  Hopefully, treatment will be swift and final this time around.

    Please do keep us updated.  If it makes you feel better, my dad went in 3 times for suspicious masses until it was gone completely.  Like I said, it's been 4 whole years since anything has shown up.  

    Just make sure you talk to your dad as much as possible.  Make an effort to be around.  I know my dad said that he felt lonely (well, DUH, you didn't tell any of us!) going through treatment because he didn't talk about it. 

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  • I know that it can be extremely challenging to keep a positive viewpoint on this but as the other posters have said, good things CAN and DO happen. Cancer is definitely not something to eff around with but at the same time, it's very curable now with all the technology they have. I had a lump removed and had it come back (basically) even bigger the next time and had it removed again and, since then, zero issues. It's very possible that even though this is melanoma again that it hasn't spread further and/or that it's very treatable/beatable.

    As for ideas for something for you to do: definitely do NOT start doing research on the web or spend too much indoors. I would say try to get out, do stuff that makes you feel alive. If your family lives nearby, maybe take good ol' Dad out to dinner, just the two of you, to spend some quality time together. Focus on the life everyone has to live, instead of the (hopefully extremely small) possibility of it not being there much longer.

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  • I would give your doc a call just to ease your mind and help you try to relax a bit. Lots of T&P's to you and your family that everything come back ok for your Dad.

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  • *hugs* You know your dad doesn't want you to worry...so try not to. As far along as you are, I highly doubt you'd just lose the baby, but extreme stress can definitely raise your blood pressure, which isn't good, or put you into pre-term labor. Take care of yourself and try not to worry too hard until you know what you're up against.
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  • I just want to share a story with you about cancer in hopes that it makes you feel better.

    My husband and I have been together for 11 years.  When we first started dating at just 15 years old, he was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma - cancer of the lymph nodes.  It was in his neck and chest.  He went through chemo & radiation, and got rid of it - but it came back a year later in his chest again.  He had tons more chemo and radiation, plus a stem cell transplant.  He has now been cancer free for 8 years! :)  

    I just hope this makes you feel hopeful about your dad's situation.  Beating cancer for good is possible! I really hope and pray that one day there is a cure for all cancers.  I'll keep you and your dad in my thoughts and prayers.

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  • Thank you all so much for your encouraging words. I have finally calmed down. I talked to my mom and she made me feel better as did all your responses on here. I will definitely post an update after the results are back from the test Tuesday!
  • T & Ps are with you. I pray Tuesday's results are hopeful.
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  • Thoughts and prayers with you and your family. Just try to stay calm ( I KNOW it's soo hard) until those results come in.
  • Believe it or not, I know EXACTLY how you feel. My husband and I started trying for a baby in the beginning of October, on October 23rd my parents told me that my dad found out he has colon cancer. I found out I was pregnant 6 days later. It was really hard for me to deal with everything, knowing that my dad now has cancer and wanting the baby was even more important to me so that if anything were to happen to my dad, he would hopefully get to meet his first and only grandbaby. He had to go through 5-6 weeks of nonstop chemo and radiation... then he had a break for about 6 weeks before going into surgery this past Tuesday. They found out that his cancer was higher than they had initially thought so his more "simple" surgery turned into a 4 ? long difficult surgery. Once he was out of surgery, it took about an hour and a half till we got to see him which was really hard. To see him laying there in the bed with tubes coming out of every part of his body was just heartbreaking. My family is super close, all it has even been is me and my parents so we are extremely close with one another. We found out during his surgery that they were not able to put his bowls back together due to his very narrow hips so he is now left with a colostomy bag for the rest of his life which was his worst fear. He?s going to be in the hospital till the weekend if not longer and then it?s going to be another 2 months of recovery at home with nurses at the house but they were able to remove all of his cancer & tumor and that is really all that matters. He?s doing well and he?s taking the pain like a champ even though I know its excruciating for him to move, laugh, cry, cough, and eat or anything else for that matter. He?s my dad and I love him and dealing with everything has been really hard but it?s going to get better from here. Your dad has a good chance of getting passed his melanoma and my dad?s chemo didn?t seem to affect him too much other than his taste buds were off, he did feel somewhat nauseous at times depending on what he ate but he didn?t lose his hair and he did very well so if my dad can do it yours can too. Keep your chin up and stay positive, things could be just fine!

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  • I am kind of a learker here, but I wanted to give you some words of encouragement.  I know what it is like having a loved one go through this.  Just four months after we were married, my husband was diagnosed with Melanoma.  It turned out to be stage 3, which as you know is very scarry.  After several surgeries and a year of Interferon, I am very happy to say he is doing well and we are finally expecting our first child in July. He continues to be followed closely by his onchologist and dermatologist, but there are no signs the disease spread any further then the lymph nodes that were removed. 

    Melanoma is a scary disease but if caught in time, very treatable.  Doctors are making huge strides in research of treatment of this disease in the more advanced stages as well.  So, just keep faith that your father will be fine!  It sounds like your Mother was very good about keeping an eye on this and they probably caught it fairly early.

    As far as stress affecting the baby, I don't know, but I am sure the stress can effect your blood pressure, which can have an effect on the pregnancy.  So, try not to stress to much (easier said then done) and know that your father will get through this just fine.

  • Well I am in kind of a similar situation.  Right as we started trying, my dad was diagnosed with tonsil cancer.  He had 3 months of chemo and radiation.  Plus, the first chemo he had a bad reaction and it messed up the stents in his legs.  After chemo, radiation and 2 surgeries, I was relived.  Then he went back a few weeks ago and got a cat scan to confirm all the cancer was gone and they saw two spots.  One near the tonsil and one in the chest.  They said they were small so hopefully it is nothing.

    THEN my grandfather got diagnosed with cancer and has to start radiation soon!

    I have been trying SOOOO hard not to worry.  I think me being pregnant is a blessing in disguise for my dad.  He is really eating healthy and a fighter.  Stay strong and positive.  Trust me...that is half the battle.  I will say a few prayers.

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