Adoption
blog: www.thesmoreslife.blogspot.com
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How do you handle these comments...
"But don't you want one of your own?"
"Don't you want another blood related child? It's your blood."
"I'm sure you could find someone to be a surrogate, it's better and cheaper than adoption."
I've had these comments said to me when brought up that we will be starting the adoption process for #2. They just don't make sense to me. None of it matters to me, I don't know why it does to other people, and can't believe they have the nerve to say things like this to me.
blog: www.thesmoreslife.blogspot.com This discussion has been closed.
Re: How do you handle these comments...
"But don't you want one of your own?" Adopted or biological, all of my children are my own.
"Don't you want another blood related child? It's your blood." Honestly, I have been/am guilty of asking this. However, I think you would just answer with why you want to adopt.
"I'm sure you could find someone to be a surrogate, it's better and cheaper than adoption." Surrogacy can be exponentially more expensive than adoption, and in the end to complete the surrogacy, you legally adopt the child after they're born anyway (in many states).
I have to say I struggle with these questions a lot myself. We're very open with our friends and family and it is no secret that we are adopting soon (even though we have yet to start... that's another story). We have some relatives and family who are really excited for us but in particular I get these comments from my MIL.
I think it's hard for her and some people to understand that I have no attachment to the experience of pregnancy and that it really truly makes no difference to DH or I if the child looks like us. This seems to be the hardest thing for them. I have to be honest that the "why not go with surrogacy" comments bother me far more then the "why not your own flesh and blood" comments. I don't know if it's that they don't understand adopt or what.
Personally I've used the questions to comment back the way Mrs.B said, use the opportunity to educate and I'm trying to do this instead of reacting how I want to. I think when it comes from friends and family it may be that they simply don't understand why their question or comment would be offensive. I think it also depends on how much exposure they have had to adoption before.
My advise, deep breath... count to 10... try to educate
My children are my own
::smiling:: Have a nice day
Thanks for your opinion. Have a nice day.
My response if I am annoyed:
"wow, you seem very interested in my life. You can rest assured that we are very happy with the decisions we make. SO HOW'S THE WEATHER?"
I was just telling someone the other day (I was home with THREE sick kids)... I feed them, I clean up their puke, give them medicine in the middle of the night. They're all definitely mine. I'm not doing that for your kids. But seriously, I tell people that they're all mine, regardless of how we became a family. Do I want another bio child? We take what God gives us and we say Thank You and sometimes the life we're given is better than anything we could have planned for ourselves.
I always laugh when people talk about our "blood." For starters, our family genetics is a little shady! And I tell people that it's just not really that big a deal to us and when it comes to building a family that genetics is just not the priority.
No one has ever asked me about getting a surrogate, although my DD is Indian and people did make a couple off-color "jokes" about Indian surrogates and that really hacked me off - and I don't offend easily. At all. But in that situation I think I would simply tell people that what is right for some people isn't right for everyone and we've decided this is the right choice for our family.
Oh I agree, I love this, and it is So, SO true. I ditto what MrsB said as well, except as for the blood thing...I tell people that biology/blood is the LEAST of what makes someone a parent. Neither guarantee respect, love, or even like between people.
I also find the whole blood thing insulting to blended families. Both my husband and I have step-parents --- people we love and respect. It's annoying.
We got a lot of comments like that before we brought our baby home, but none since. Everyone who meets him is crazy bananas over him, so I think they get why we are too!
This is awesome. I am going to write it everywhere~
Ditto. Amazing. Thank you everyone for the awesome input! I will have these ready in my head for any more future comments that hopefully don't come about.