starting Ferber tomorrow.. any advice — The Bump
Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

starting Ferber tomorrow.. any advice

We will be starting Ferber this weekend and I was wondering if anyone had any advice...

I read the book and have been thinking about it all week. ALSO according to Ferber you should cut out the paci as well. So I am going to try both at once. Am I making a mistake. Generally he only uses it to sleep/nap. Sometimes in the AM he will have it while he is waking up.

When you go in to console... do you just sit by the crib and soothe.. do you rub his back. A lot of times DS wiill stand up with his blanky and reach for me to pick him up.

Any advice would be helpful


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Re: starting Ferber tomorrow.. any advice

  • I would never just sit by the bed, I think it's a bad habit and encourages extra crying, sometimes manipulation and from years at daycare, i didn't want to get into the habit of taking hours to get LO to lie down or self sooth. For us, it was definitely hard to listen to the crying, but he would settle quickly and after less than a week, he was able to go down no problem. Now we put him down and leave the room and he sleeps like a gem.
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  • Personally I could never to paci and ferber at the same time. But see if it works for you!

    We only sent DH in always. Me=holding and picking her up. I nursed for 9 months and she is too attached to me.

    She now immediately lays down when DH comes in if she is crying. He rubs her back for a few minutes not talking to her. He would repeat this several times if he had to.

    I say do what works for you and how long you can deal with LO crying. We couldn't stand it that long so it took a few months to get her to self sooth. She now sleeps through the night but definitely has off nights where she still has trouble getting to sleep.

    We keep the bedtime routine consistant so she knows what's coming next. GL!

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  • DD has been sleeping in her crib almost 3 weeks now. I had my husband sleep train her though because she knows I am a pushover Big Smile and will pick her up to nurse her.  He stayed in the room until she fell asleep but anytime she would sit up or stand he would automatically lay her back down.  He says he got this advice from the super nanny.  He also moved her crib into my room which is fine by me I love being close to her.  Now I put her to bed and she sees me sleeping she falls to sleep or back to sleep really fast. 

    Good luck, it will be so hard the first few nights but keep with it. 

  • I would recommend NOT going in to soothe... I think it would be confusing and just stall the process. I think the baby will see you and think you're coming in to pick him up, and then get more upset when he realizes that you're not and then you leave again. That philosophy never made sense to me, but everyone feels different about this subject.

    We did "total extinction" - I think that's what it's called... where you put the baby in and don't go in until the morning and let them cry. It has worked wonderfully for us for nightime sleep )naps have always been a struggle despite sleep training) and I would highly recommend it to anyone with a tough sleeper.

    Definitely make the commitment and don't cave in, that's just a waste and confusing.

    A couple things to remember while the baby is crying and you're questioning yourself:

    -Babies only way of communicating is crying, so it can mean so many different things (mad, frustrated, sad, etc...)

    -Sleep is SO IMPORTANT for your babies cognitive developement, so you are doing this for her benefit.

    -If your baby is sleeping through the night, you'll sleep through the night and everyone will be rested and you'll be able to be a btter parent :)

    Good luck and stay strong!

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  • I never did ferber but we did full on CIO and it helped me to have something 'to do' at that time of night.... I did both their entire baby books during that time and also cooked a lot of good dinners, LOL. A distraction is helpful even if you are doing the timed thing w/ Ferber. 
  • I never read the Ferber book so I'm not sure if that's exactly what we did. Basically we both stood firm with not going in to check on him. Even when he would wake in the middle of the night. The first night he cried for 45 minutes, he woke up around 3am and cried for 10 minutes. The second night he cried for 20 minutes, woke up around 1am and cried for 5 minutes. The third night he cried for less then 5 minutes and never woke up during the night. It was much easier then we thought it would be. He didn't cry straight for that long either, it was off and on crying, that's why we never went in to soothe him. In the past we tried going in after 15, then 20 and so on but it made the situation worse. Whatever works for you and your LO though is best. GL!!


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  • both at once seems a little extreme to me.. sounds like you're setting yourself up for one hell of a long night..
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