I know most of you ladies feel like this because we've all had a loss. But sometimes I will just sit and cry because I'm absolutely terrified that my little Serenity will be gone like her brother. I lost Aj at 8 months and I don't think I can get excited about Serenity coming until after 8 months. Even then it'll just terrify me even more because I'll still have that "what if" in the back of my head. I don't think I can truly get happy until she's here and crying. I haven't told any friends, just my family about her. I'll talk to them on the phone but when they ask me to come over I just say I'm out of town or I'm stationed somewhere else. I feel bad I have to lie to my friends about this, but I don't want to get their hopes up and I don't want to get super excited just for the same thing to happen again. I love my daughter with all my heart, I just don't want to get emotionally attached just to lose another one that has grown, flipped, tossed, turned, kicked, elbowed, and given me heartburn, hahaha. I rub her, talk to her, and tell her I love her everyday. But I also beg and plead that she doesn't leave and plead with God not to take her away.
Thank you ladies for being there, I just needed to get this off my chest. I tell DH, but I feel like he HAS to say everything is going to be ok because he went through it with me and he's married to me.