Adoption
Open adoption with 2 or more kids
We have an open adoption with Luke's Birthparents. Right now that consists of letters, pictures, phone calls, texts, emails. We are very open to visits but they are not and I'm not sure they ever will be.
DH and I were discussing getting started on adoption #2 and we are kind of at a loss about what to do as far as openess. We would really like to have visits with our future childs BPs, but since Luke more than likely won't have them, would that make it harder on him? Do we just cross that bridge when we get there? Anyone have any thoughts?
Lots of obsessing over a situation that we haven't even started the paperwork for.
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Re: Open adoption with 2 or more kids
I hear ya! We are a similar position. MJ's birth mom is a mystery to us. We have never even seen a picture. Due to cultural issues, I am not sure if this will ever change (we do send an occasional pic to her birth grandfather but he is not sharing with the birth mom).
I anticipate that any future adoptions will come w/some level of openness which is different that we have with MJ's first family. Do I worry about it? Yes.... but I figure this is just one of the complexities of adoption. Is my concern worth not having a second child? No... I think the power of a sibling is more important. I hope so
I do worry about it... and about the second child being full Caucasian (current match is full C). I love MJ so much I would never want to hurt her... but I've gotta have faith things are working out the way they are intended.
I will tell you my story and hopefully it will put you at ease :-)
I am adopted along with one of my little brothers. His adoption was completely open, his bio dad would come camping with us along with his half brother and sister who were 6 and 8 years younger than him. He always got Christmas presents and birthday cards.
I on the other hand have 1 letter and 3 pictures from my bio mom from when I was about a week old right after the adoption was final. I haven't received a thing since.
Did it ever bug me? Not that I recall. It's just how it was in our household, but if you are completely open with adoption process like my parents were to begin with then it will be easy. Everything was explained to us when we were old enough to understand and if we had questions they were answered honestly.
Thank you for your input, I really appreciate it. I have a SS who has contact with his mom and sees her but doesn't live with her so we have that too. I guess since we are going to be very open about his adoption and the whole experience, maybe it won't be an issue.
I'm glad that you had such a good experience with it. That does put my mind at ease.
To be honest, I wouldn't let fear of how an open relationship with #2's birthparents may affect my first child hinder my efforts to have that open relationship for the second child.
The benefits of open adoption are many, and you don't know how your first child will react to having a different relationship, or if it will at all. As with many of the ways that adoption resurfaces as a child grows, I think this is just one of those things you have to always be open about, and if the time ever comes that Luke asks why he doesn't see his birth parents but his younger sibling does, you just have to answer as openly and honestly as you can.