feeling shaky about natural birth

lmg423

 I'm not sure what  I'm posting for - I don't really have a question just needed a place to get somethings out. 

My husband and I were interested in natural birth from the beginning and we took Bradley classes to prepare. Throughout the classes and towards the end of my pregnancy, I was still wanting to try a natural birth - mostly without any pain medication/epidural. 

Our classes ended about a month or so ago and I was feeling pretty confident. Now I am just about a week overdue and have an induction schedule for Sunday evening if I don't go before then. I'm nervous about a pitocin labor. That's not the only  thing now though. 

 My husband's sister- my sister in law- gave birth 2 weeks ago to a little girl who was 3 months too early. Two nights ago the little girl didn't make it. It's heartbreaking and seeing my in-laws suffering and in so much pain is making me feel a little less  confident. 

In our classes, we talked about how the  pain is a happy pain and a purposeful pain. All that made a lot of sense to me and made me feel more powerful and confident about the whole thing. 

But now that this week has been so emotional and my husband has seen his whole family in pain. My feelings have started to change. I still want to try natural birth but it's hard for me to think about it and feel as confident as I did before.

SageBeginnings

LMG423:

 I'm not sure what  I'm posting for - I don't really have a question just needed a place to get somethings out. 

My husband and I were interested in natural birth from the beginning and we took Bradley classes to prepare. Throughout the classes and towards the end of my pregnancy, I was still wanting to try a natural birth - mostly without any pain medication/epidural. 

Our classes ended about a month or so ago and I was feeling pretty confident. Now I am just about a week overdue and have an induction schedule for Sunday evening if I don't go before then. I'm nervous about a pitocin labor. That's not the only  thing now though. 

 My husband's sister- my sister in law- gave birth 2 weeks ago to a little girl who was 3 months too early. Two nights ago the little girl didn't make it. It's heartbreaking and seeing my in-laws suffering and in so much pain is making me feel a little less  confident. 

In our classes, we talked about how the  pain is a happy pain and a purposeful pain. All that made a lot of sense to me and made me feel more powerful and confident about the whole thing. 

But now that this week has been so emotional and my husband has seen his whole family in pain. My feelings have started to change. I still want to try natural birth but it's hard for me to think about it and feel as confident as I did before.

Oh, I am so so sorry for your families loss! My T&P are so very with you right now!

I just have one small thing to say, if possible, if you have someone who supports your desires for an NCB as well as someone you can confide in, it would be very helpful for you to talk with that person... do some emotional purging, talk about your feelings (as you are here). So so sorry!

lmg423

thanks. i think i will email my bradley instructor.  i didn't even think of that! 

ashg8r

Great advice to talk to someone - your Bradley instructor will be perfect.  I am so sorry you are going through this, I think it's completely understandable how you're feeling.  This is not at all the same, but when I was pregnant with DD, DH's first cousin, who was due 2 months after me, went into labor at 27 weeks.  The baby made it, but was in NICU for months, and underwent at least 2 surgeries.  My MIL decided not to tell us what happened until after DD was born because she didn't want to worry us. 

Also, I was scheduled for induction at 42 weeks, and went into labor the day before my induction.  In the days leading up to it I cried to my MW and Bradley instructor b/c I did so badly did not want to be induced.  I told myself that if I was induced with pit I was "allowed" to get an epi if I needed it because I felt like I'd already missed my "natural" childbirth by being induced in the first place.  It made me feel more at peace in those days leading up to a possible induction. 

It's the hardest thing to do, but you really have to let everything go, and just take it as it comes.  Best wishes to you and prayers for your DH's family.

BostonGayGal

ugs to you and your family in this difficult time.  The reality of death affects our priorities.  I support fully your desire to have a natural birth, but it is only natural that the importance of that is shaken by an event that seems unnatural and horrific. Self doubt creeps in in the face of that fear.  

In the end, the important thing is that you have a healthy baby.  I suspect that as part of your grief, you are almost 'bargaining' with the powers that be and imagining just how much you would do/ how far you would go/ how much you would be willing to give up in order to have a healthy baby. Bargaining is part of the grieving process.  

I hope that you find the support you need and that you trust your body.  But most of all I hope that your family finds peace and that your beautiful healthy baby is part of the healing for everyone. 

AmsterdamMa*am

so sorry for your loss.  I hope you can make a meaningful connection with your bradley instructor as well as your DH- talk talk talk

julyjennifer

So sorry to hear of your family's loss.  I think the other posters had some good thoughts.  My thought is:  I don't know if you were planning to have a doula or other support person present at the birth besides your husband, but if not you may want to think about it.  DH may not be able to provide as much emotional support and advocacy for you while he is grieving something so freshly--it might be good to have someone else who can be present with you for support.  Maybe you can find a doula in training who can get on board quickly and for free--their schedules are usually more open in the short-term because they don't have many clients booked.