A scary little thing called hope — The Bump
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A scary little thing called hope

I am at 9dpo and this is the cycle that I am testing my luteal phase by not using my crinone gel.  Yesterday my temp dropped to 98.27, but today it skyrocketed to 98.85.  When I started the gel I was getting AF at 10dpo.  This temp rise has given me hope that maybe this is "the cycle".  Of course, I am scared to death to have any hope at all.  I am pretty sure any hope will lead to a greater disappointment when AF does show.  I guess the silver lining will be that maybe this temp rise means that AF will not come tomorrow and my luteal phase is back to normal.  And to top it off, how irritated would DH be to know that he got his varicocele surgery a few days before we get our BFP???
Me: 33 No known issues
DH: 32 Varicocele
DD: Born April 1, 2008
Trying to conceive #2 since March 2010
DH varicocele surgery 3/28/2011
June 2011 SA 28 total sperm, yikes!
August 2011 SA 5mil/ml, 30% progressive motility, 8% morph
Moving on to adoption 8/2011
Surprise BFP 1/4/12!!! EDD 9/11/12
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Re: A scary little thing called hope

  • JMayJMay member

    Hope has inspired more fear in me than I ever thought possible.  Thanks to the wonderful ladies on here and my own desire for a positive outlook, I'm allowing hope to be my guide, and I will let hope pull me back up, should this cycle not be "the one".  Amanda also provided us with a WONDERFUL post this morning - if you haven't seen it yet:

    http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/51245902.aspx

    Remember that we'll all be here for you should you need us, and that positive energy attracts positive energy!  (((HUGS)))  =-)

    Dori image
    "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."

    Miracle DD born 12.2005
    TTC #2 since Dec 2008 w/ PCOS
    ***P/SAIF Always Welcome***

    Keep it Natural, Baby!
  • Thanks JMay.  I did see Amanda's quote.  I felt kind of bad posting this since so many people have been trying to be positive this cycle.  It is just kind of amazing how scary a positive feeling like hope can be.
    Me: 33 No known issues
    DH: 32 Varicocele
    DD: Born April 1, 2008
    Trying to conceive #2 since March 2010
    DH varicocele surgery 3/28/2011
    June 2011 SA 28 total sperm, yikes!
    August 2011 SA 5mil/ml, 30% progressive motility, 8% morph
    Moving on to adoption 8/2011
    Surprise BFP 1/4/12!!! EDD 9/11/12
    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Baby Names"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/ttd0c31.aspx" alt=" BabyFruit Ticker" border="0" /></a>

    [IMG]http://i272.photobucket.com/albums/jj195/jenkresh/madelyn011-2.jpg[/IMG]

    <a href="http://oneadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/" target=_blank"> My Blog</a>
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  • JMayJMay member
    No!  Don't feel bad!  That's exactly why we try to be positive, so that anyone who is down and needs to hear something uplifting.  If one of us if having a bad day, the rest of us can lift her up.  Hopefully, we won't all have a bad day at the same time!  Yesterday was not great for me, so I posted about it ("getting back up" post) and because of the positive energy here, I was able to bounce back almost immediately.  Please feel free to post if you need to vent or feel negative, that's why we're here!  (((HUG)))
    Dori image
    "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."

    Miracle DD born 12.2005
    TTC #2 since Dec 2008 w/ PCOS
    ***P/SAIF Always Welcome***

    Keep it Natural, Baby!
  • Well, I got my first bfp with my daughter a week after I had surgery for a supposedly blocked fallopian tube, so stranger things have happened.  I know the routine of trying to protect yourself but hopefully there is no need this time.
    Brenna Married 4.30.05

    Mom to Teagan 4.11.07 and Cora 9.30.11

    image Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers

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    D&E @ 22w 9.30.09 CMV infection BFP 10.15.10 C/P 4w4d

  • Sending prayers your way that this will be it for you!  I know exactly what you mean about being afraid to be hopeful, but I agree with JMay.  Hope is a healthy thing!
  • Gosh, I agree with everything said here.  Hope *is* scary.  Because of what you risk by hoping.

    But if you don't risk it, I'm beginning to think the universe may not answer our prayers without hope.  I was going at this all-science and alternative medicine, and now I'm having to add in some spiritual hope.

    The joy of his first LC cupcake!


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  • I am scared sh*tess of hope, but without hope, what do you have?  I pray that you get your BFP in a few days. 
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
    image
    Dori image
    "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
  • I dont know if this helps but, I removed alot of the romantism till its safe to breath a little of that nectur. I have chossen to look at this as a process( I know it sounds very cold) But disappointment has stalled my efforts in getting pregent. After going through all the neddles and all the meds. Im giving in to... the process. This is all so unfair with having such a deep want and desire that some how passes over you. try your hardest to remain positive, and see that your life is meaninful....period. And this process is the setting to the table.. but not the meal. Cry, be frustrated, be optimistic and...yes hopeful. That all of this will be part of the story of how your little one came to be.
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