Friend "Hosting" shower - VENT- What to do?
starsjaime
member
Okay, so when my friend found out I was pregnant, she offered to host me a shower. So I said okay great!
Meanwhile, she asked to have it at my house. because i have a large home and it's perfect for entertaining where she does not. i said "great, sounds good to me"! a few weeks later she's asked me to buy the food since it's at my house and I wanted to do a cookout (because it's co-ed and i thought it would be easier). So i said, "Okay, i'd be happy to help out". Even though i thought it odd.
Today, she asked me to make the cake! Oh my god! So what exactly is she doing?! Should I just tell her to forget about it? because that is how I feel right now. She's doing the desert table which is the favors and that's it.
My mom is throwing me my BIG shower which is in another state where all my family, husbands family and high school friends are. so this one that my friend is throwing me will only have about 10 couples there (college friends from where i live at now).
Seriously, should I just tell her to forget about it and then just tell my friends to come over for a cookout/get together? Because now every time i talk to this "friend" it's awkward and uncomfortable and i don't even think she wants to do it anymore. Plus there has been some other mild drama going on between her, me and 3rd friend (which is a pretty long ridiculous story that i can't even think about without getting mad)
What do you think i should do? Just go with the flow and pretty much host the shower? or say forget about it and tell my and DH's close friends that now we are doing a simple get together?
she already mailed the invitations....so i really don't know what to do!
Re: Friend "Hosting" shower - VENT- What to do?
I agree with you! this makes me feel better....it's what my husband thinks i should do too. I'm sure it will make her mad, but seriously, what does she expect me to do? At this rate...not sure if we will be friends after this regardless of what happens!
I agree- I'd cancel it too. Just tell her that it's obviously too much of a burden for her, which you don't want it to be. But you aren't comfortable basically hosting your own shower. So you feel it's best to just cancel it.
Be positive and upbeat about it, make it "not a big deal".
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Do you have one of the invites? Did she put her name down as hostess (who to call to RSVP)? If she did then I would go ahead with the plan and send her the bill for the food and the cake. To host a shower for someone is their present to that person. If she didn't list her name as hostess I would call people can let them know it is just a get-together of friends since the person who was supposed to host it as a shower backed out.
Just because you pay for the whole thing and it is at your house if HER name is the one on the invite as hostess then I wouldn't worry about the fact you are paying for it. As far as the guests are concerned they will not know you are paying for it - they will just think she is since she is down as hostess (unless you've told anyone).
I agree with all of this. She is asking way too much of you. It seems like she wants to get all the credit of hosting a party, without actually having to do any of the hosting. Very rude. Having the shower at your home is one thing, but having to pay for everything is quite another. BUT- only have the cookout if it's what YOU want- you shouldn't feel any obligation to go along with this in any way.
Oh! I've got "friends" like that, who like the prestige / title that comes along with being hostess (or fill in the blank here) but have NO concept of the responsibility of the role.
You're supposed to provide the venue, the food, and the cake? With all the food options under your belt, you're literally catering your own shower. What's this venerable hostess doing? Sending out the invitations and some favors? That's lazy!
Even if the invitations have gone out, I'd still contact the guests, and notify them of a change in the structure of the event from shower to simple cook out. If these are real friends (unlike the one who offered to host) they'll probably still celebrate your upcoming baby with a small gift, out of happiness for you.
Call the friend, and mention that since you're catering the shower the shower yourself, it seems that the weight of the plans are proving to be too much of a burden on her, you're doing the friendly thing and lifting said burden by scaling back the event. Mention that it is alright since you know there is a full fledged shower with family.
Steel yourself b/c your hostess friend will most likely turn the situation into something all about her. "How could you do this to me?" etc. etc...basically making this about her.....whereas, it should have been about YOU from the get go.
Being pregnant is stressful enough. Don't keep that stress in. It only weighs on your mind, and baby is attuned to that. Let stress go, as diplomatically as possible.
Exactly.