Finally told my dad I'm pregnant (long)

Pearly609

At the age that I am, I was still terrified to tell my dad that I'm pregnant.  I grew up in a very religious home.  I am no longer involved with my or any other organized religion and that has upset my father as well.  I divorced almost 13 years ago (which was frowned on) and as far as my father knew, I've been single raising my children.  Well, I've been in a 12 year relationship but my father seemed to disregard it as serious being that we're not married.   

My dad lives in GA and I live in NJ we don't see each other often since my mother passed on 1/1/01 and I haven't seen him in almost a year.  Well with my nieces having their babies, I thought it would be a good time to throw it in there about me.  And he reacted just like I thought he would. Disappointed and worried. I hate to feel judged by him, but I'm glad it's over.  He'll be out here in June for my son's HS graduation.  Yep, one son graduated from college last year, one will start this August and my daughter is 15, and here I am again starting over.

With that note, if one more person ask if I'm sure I want to do this again, I may scream!  Obviously I do, I'm doing it!  I was thinking about wearing that t-shirt at my shower that says, "I want my baby so stop asking me if I'm sure" so people can have their question answered without having to keep ask me because I know their gonna ask over and over again and I want to enjoy that day.  Thanks for listening.

BabyTG

Just wanted to give you a virtual hug.  I haven't told my father either and I'm pretty sure I won't.  I'm sure my grandmother will tell him (once I tell her).

LauraLynneC

Family can be so tricky - the trickiest part is that no matter how we feel about them, their opinion still matters.  I wish I had advice on how to make it matter less...but I'm still trying to figure it out myself. 

You can celebrate with us though - ALL babies are to be celebrated in my mind.  I don't care who mom/dad are, how baby came to be - Babies are wonderful and miraculous - and anyone who thinks otherwise...well, to heck with them!

mcwhittaker

Hugs to you

The generation before us is/was one that was quick to pass judgement.

My mother is a classic judge first ask questions later.. my dad was the best at being happy with whatever decisions i made.

You have to do what's right for you, and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Sometimes they don't stop seeing you as a kid until you make them see it otherwise. 

kimb311

Man, I don't know what to say to this one. Tricky indeed. I'm so sorry that it didn't go well with your dad. And I have to say I am shocked at the balls people have to ask you if you want this baby!  LauraLynne is right, celebrate with us!

miafromab

Just wanted to "reach out" and send ya some hugs. like someone else said family is tricky.

dianah36

I know how you feel. I've had a tenuous relationship with my parents in the past. Last year a serious of events helped me break free and I no longer feel that I have to answer to them in any way. Just remember....it's your life, your choices.

Peppernut

Good for you for telling him!  I'm sorry about all the comments...  

Pearly609

You guys actually made me tear. I truly appreciate your words and virtual hugs. I truly do care about my father's feelings and how he looks at me, but I came to a point in my life where I had to live for me and what I wanted and unfortunately, it didn't coincide with his views and standards.  When my mother passed, I didn't care what anyone thought anymore. 

He remarried 3 months after my mom died and I never made him feel bad about that. And don't get me started on his wife who only wants him around her and her family. But I respect his decisions and don't judge.  Even though he's not happy with my life, I have never felt so free.  I don't have the fear of what other religious people think about me, the fear that God wouldn't love me because of a mishap or what-have-you.  And this baby has made me feel alive in ways I can't even explain. 

I'm so in love with my baby, his dad, my kids and my life and I'm thankful to have my father in my life, judgy and all.  I feel a ton better typing this out and reading what you guys have said.  I wasn't going to but SO glad I did.

kikijbunny

((((hugs))))

Sounds like you are doing exactly what is right for you.  Hang in there!

HisEarth.

It's funny no matter how 'grown' we are, the opinions of our parents always matter.  I've been there & survived the judgy parent thing too!  My father, who is deceased, loved me for me .. flaws & all.  Now, my mother, Miss Prim & Proper, nothing I do is right in her eyes & being the eldest of 3 girls only makes it worse!

It took me to turn 40 to realize that my mother lives (& has lived) her life on her terms, why shouldn't I?  Once I had that epiphany & spoke up for myself, her opinions of my life didn't seem to matter as much.

I agree with the pp .. celebrate with us .. because I, like you, am looking forward to celebrating & loving this new little life God has blessed me (oops, us) with!

 

Accelle

HisEarth.:

It's funny no matter how 'grown' we are, the opinions of our parents always matter. 

 So true. SO true. My mother passed away nearly...five? years ago, and our relationship was so toxic that I'm glad she's not here to pass that on to my coming little one. Especially when she told my husband that there was no way she'd accept any children I ever had because we were married interracially.

SO glad she is not here...but that rejection still pops its ugly head up in the back of my mind now and again.

My father passed away before that, but he's someone I wish had lived to see his grandchild. He treated me as an adult, loved me unconditionally, and had NO problem with who I loved or married. He knew he'd raised me right and knew I had the skills to find the right one for me. He trusted my decisions, but always had an ear for me venting or needing advice.

 

Pearly609

Accelle:

HisEarth.:

It's funny no matter how 'grown' we are, the opinions of our parents always matter. 

 So true. SO true. My mother passed away nearly...five? years ago, and our relationship was so toxic that I'm glad she's not here to pass that on to my coming little one. Especially when she told my husband that there was no way she'd accept any children I ever had because we were married interracially.

SO glad she is not here...but that rejection still pops its ugly head up in the back of my mind now and again.

My father passed away before that, but he's someone I wish had lived to see his grandchild. He treated me as an adult, loved me unconditionally, and had NO problem with who I loved or married. He knew he'd raised me right and knew I had the skills to find the right one for me. He trusted my decisions, but always had an ear for me venting or needing advice.

 

So sorry to hear about the relationship with your mother.  My mother was bi-racial and that in itself caused her alot of grief.  Back then she wasn't accepted by either side or her own mother.  Despite all those things and that she wasn't a great mother, I still miss her.  She wasn't a great mother, but was a wonderful grandmother.  I couldn't have asked for a better grandmother for my kids.  And for that I'm greatful. I'm a firm believer that people are a certain way because of what they've been through, and it sounds like your mom with through alot and it's wonderful your dad was there for you to balance you.

 And to the pp, thank you so much.  That post was very comforting and true.