::getting back up:: — The Bump
Secondary IF

::getting back up::

I was knocked off my positive.  I'm trying to get back up.

Hit 1: My day started early, after a disturbing dream. (My IRL 2IF buddy had a baby 2 weeks ago.  In my dream, I went to visit, and parents kept nonchalantly moving the baby further away from me every time I went to go meet him.  It was as if they were afraid of letting me near him.)  The dream really left me unsettled, but I decided to make it a positive...

Hit 2: So, I took DD to go buy their baby gift.  She was SO excited and there were SO many cute options and yet, I powered through it, picked great stuff, AND I wasn't cranky with DD even once (poor DD deals with my mood swings with love and understanding - bless her)

Hit 3: Then, DD decides she's a pregnant kitty and stuffs 2 stuffed kittens up her shirt.  She has been walking around, patting her belly, talking about the babies all day.  Still, I'm keeping it together...

Hit 4: Later, at Target, I saw a women who looked very much like me holding a new baby.  I stared. I had a little daydream about me. Then, she caught me looking, and hurried off.

Ma'am, I'm sorry! 

That was it.  I felt so embarrassed and upset with myself for doing that.  I put myself in that place where I'm the crazy lady staring at babies, and all at once, this whole day caught up with me and I burst into tears. 

I'm home now, I've excused myself from my workout, and I'm going to plug in the ipod and do some therapeutic cleaning.  I'm getting back up, but wow, getting knocked off sucks.  Deep down, in spite of all this positivity, my fear resides.  I'm trying to ignore it, but what I really want it to get rid of it.  AAHHH!!!

Dori image
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."

Miracle DD born 12.2005
TTC #2 since Dec 2008 w/ PCOS
***P/SAIF Always Welcome***

Keep it Natural, Baby!

Re: ::getting back up::

  • image JMay:

    That was it.  I felt so embarrassed and upset with myself for doing that.  I put myself in that place where I'm the crazy lady staring at babies, and all at once, this whole day caught up with me and I burst into tears. 

    You're in good company....I'm right there with you.

    Today I was at Winners and was waiting in line to check out. There was a very very pregnant lady at a different cashier and I couldn't help but be one of those creepy stare-ers. Apparently, I completely missed the available cashier waving her arms at me and saying "can I help the next person", because she had to go over the speaker and say "Please go to cash #5" Embarrassed I was so embarrassed and everyone in line was looking at me. It was totally obvious that I was staring at the pregnant lady.

    I hope you can get up and dust yourself off soon! It's OK to fall off the wagon sometimes as long as we get back on!

    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

  • Oh ladies....it definitely is rough.  The only thing we can do is pick ourselves up and keep moving forward.  It just isn't fair.
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    Dori image
    "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
  • I'm so sorry to hear that you had a hard day. But thank you for sharing, it's so nice to know that I'm not alone in these things!
    Married 07.07.07. Mom to 3: Ruby 11/08 and Oliver & Austin 12/11
  • I do this too!!  Or I see these little tiny babies, and I find myself saying awwwh, accidentally outloud and the mom looking at me like, really?  Head up, we will get there soon!:)
  • I am sorry you had a rough day, but we all have them. 
    Abigail Grace: 3/11/08 and Joshua Alan: 2/2/13 Image and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPic 5losses from 7/4/10 through 11/22/11 - “When the world says, “Give up,” Hope whispers, ‘Try it one more time."♥
  • I'm so sorry, that sounds like a brutal day. I hope today is better.

    Monday, which I spent sobbing like a grieving child, I got 2 pieces of mail. One, a postcard from my insurance company providing me with info on whom to contact for help when I get pregnant Angry. And two, a mailing from a prenatal and newborn massage place opening up in town Crying

    My whole day turned then.  After I threw them across the room, I picked them up and decided it was a sign that I was going to need them soon.  This cycle, in fact.

    I really hope today is a better day, J!

    The joy of his first LC cupcake!


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    Dori image
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