I was knocked off my positive. I'm trying to get back up.
Hit 1: My day started early, after a disturbing dream. (My IRL 2IF buddy had a baby 2 weeks ago. In my dream, I went to visit, and parents kept nonchalantly moving the baby further away from me every time I went to go meet him. It was as if they were afraid of letting me near him.) The dream really left me unsettled, but I decided to make it a positive...
Hit 2: So, I took DD to go buy their baby gift. She was SO excited and there were SO many cute options and yet, I powered through it, picked great stuff, AND I wasn't cranky with DD even once (poor DD deals with my mood swings with love and understanding - bless her)
Hit 3: Then, DD decides she's a pregnant kitty and stuffs 2 stuffed kittens up her shirt. She has been walking around, patting her belly, talking about the babies all day. Still, I'm keeping it together...
Hit 4: Later, at Target, I saw a women who looked very much like me holding a new baby. I stared. I had a little daydream about me. Then, she caught me looking, and hurried off.
Ma'am, I'm sorry!
That was it. I felt so embarrassed and upset with myself for doing that. I put myself in that place where I'm the crazy lady staring at babies, and all at once, this whole day caught up with me and I burst into tears.
I'm home now, I've excused myself from my workout, and I'm going to plug in the ipod and do some therapeutic cleaning. I'm getting back up, but wow, getting knocked off sucks. Deep down, in spite of all this positivity, my fear resides. I'm trying to ignore it, but what I really want it to get rid of it. AAHHH!!!