H has a daugther, 13, from a previous relationship. Trouble with the ex caused him to miss out on a chunk of his life with his daughter because he thought it was "better" for her. (Until he realized it wasn't.) So, it's been a rough road for him to stay in her life consistently, answer questions that she has, listen to her tell him about her anger and hurt that he hasn't been around, etc, etc. I encouraged this, and I'm so happy that they go off every Sunday to do something together, with just the two of them for the past 2-3 months.
So, like I said, I think it's important that he allows her to do things on her own time, like coming around his "new family" on her terms, not pushing her and understand her position. But, now that I'm finalizing the guest list for DS's first birthday, and getting ready to send out invitations, I really hope that she can put grudges aside and starts to build a relationship with her brother. I know the difference in age, but I think it'd be really nice to have her there.
I hate the separation. I want to include her in things, but I don't say anything because I don't want to make her uncomfortable and create drama for H. I'm not really looking for advice, but if you have suggestions, that'd be fine. I'm just kind of bummed.
Re: a small vent.
I'm in a very similar position. H has a 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship, so I totally understand the part about not wanting to push her into this new family. The only difference with us is her mom doesn't let H have her alone, so he doesn't get that father/daughter time with her. We're always with his parents if we see her, and sometimes the mom doesn't let us see her at all. The result? His daughter is mad and HIM for not seeing her enough... So I too have my own frustration in this, especially since I can't have any say in it because it's not my place.
I guess I don't really have advice because I'm having issues myself, but I just wanted you to know I kind of know what you're dealing with. I hope things get sorted out and she'll want to come to his party! But definitely stay how you are and don't be pushy.
Mikaela is going to have a little brother!
Does your H not have a visitation agreement in place? Otherwise, I can't understand how it would be possible for her to deny visitation. Is he on the birth certificate? He could take her to court for visitation and work out official child support.
I'm only saying this because a) H isn't on A's birth certificate. They had her very, very young and her parents wrongfully pressured her to not put him on her BC so that he wouldn't have any legal right to her [which she has admitted to me] b) He should have had a paternity test and then took her to court for visitation, but because he didn't want to disrupt A's life, he didn't. Now he's dealing with the consequences of that, and missing out on big things.
I know what you mean though. It's frustrating and it's difficult, but I suppose we really don't have a say.
I don't think her mom would prevent her from going, per se, but I think that she could make it a very uncomfortable situation for her. It's really dependant until whether her mom wants to be a biitch or not.
That's rough on your part though.. I'm glad the mom of your SD lets him have her sometimes even though she's not on the BC.
Mikaela is going to have a little brother!