Military Families

WWYD?(repost from MAY2011)

I just copied and paste this from May2011 to here, so bare with the lingo :)

 

 The basic bare bones back story is: My DH is deploying soon (from Guam) and i am pregnant due in late May, so we flew me and DS to ohio (with parents) to have the baby. Well my step-dads parents live in the same house, and making life very miserable for everyone in the house. 

My post is to ask whether you would go back home or stay put where your at? I am in the dilemma because #1 i really dont want to piss anyone off (i know thats a dumb reason but its a reason of mine) I have a shower planed (no invites sent yet) and i havent really seen anyone since being home. #2 My ONE and only friend in Guam, is leaving to summer vacation in May and wont be back until Aug. So i really seriously would be by myself, and as of right now i wouldnt have anyone to keep or watch DS when i go into labor.

But who is to say i wont make friends between being back home and having the baby? I havent talked to my family yet (i want to make a firm decision before i do that) But i am pretty certain that they would come out for a week or so after LO is born to help out.

 OR would you wait until AFTER LO is born here and then go back to being at home once you have recovered and things have settled down? And my only problem with that would be LO would be an Infant on lap traveler and could you imagine carrying and holding a baby and handling rambunctious 3 year old all by yourself for 18+ hours? And its not like i could take a stroller as a carry on. the only way around that would be for one of my parents to come back with us? 

 im at a complete loss here, and i really want to go home, im tired of being depressed here and im tired of people snapping at me for nothing or because they are mad for whatever reason. And im especially tired of hearing about my step-dads parents being rude and crazy.

 

Im not looking for flames here, im seriously upset about this whole thing and torn between decisions. I would really just like some advice.

 

Re: WWYD?(repost from MAY2011)

  • I moved home with my parents for this pregnancy while DH is deployed bc I'm high risk and I wanted a safety net of care for DD and me if I delivered very early like last time. Here I am at 40 weeks having had to do some modified bedrest the past month, but probably could've managed that from our home on post. And I am going crazy living with my parents! lol Sooooooo anyway, just saying I can relate to thinking something was a great idea and then thinking "what was I thinking??"

    All that said, Guam kind of makes it a different story... assuming travel to Guam is somewhat expensive, what about taking the money and trying to find a small apt (even a 1 bedroom?) to rent for three months until after the LO is here and you're adjusted? Maybe if you tell your family how much stress you're under and how you feel bad adding to their apparent stress, too, and that you want to go back and have them visit (and presumably the cost involved with that type of travel for them), they'd kick in the offset of the travel as well toward a small apt? Flying back now with just 2 months till your due date and hoping to make enough friends (unless you have a great FRG there) to cover you the first week or two after delivery seems risky... what if you have a c/s or some other complication? Also, what was your plan for traveling back in the first place? Were you just coming home for three months and then leaving right away? Did you have a plan for who would travel back with you if you can't manage it yourself? (And you can bring a stroller - they take it at the door of the plane and give it back when you disembark, so you could use a carrier for the baby and stroller for 3 yr old.)

  • I would stay until the baby is born simply to make sure your older child has someone to care for him while you are in the hospital. If you choose to move back, then you can still buy a seat for your infant. Is the cost of the seat worth being out of a stressful situation? Otherwise, I would consider getting an apartment locally. Don't worry about anyone's feelings. They'll get over it.
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  • I would do what would make me happy. If I was miserable I'd find a different place to live. Going back to Guam or an finding apartment in the same town where family lives.

    First talk to your Dh about this not your family.  They shouldn't be part of the decision.  Also don't worry about hurt feelings.  You have to do what's best for you, and not what they want or what they think is right.

  • Getting an apartment here isnt really an option since we are keeping our house on base in Guam. So no housing allowance. I havent talked to my family about it yet, and i agree that they shouldnt be apart of this decision process because they would only try talking me in to staying here. 

     

    DH and i talked this morning about it and decided that it would be more logical (not the more desirable but...) choice to just stay here until after LO is born. Then after a couple of months, or just some recovery time, then go back. This would not only solve the 'what to do with DS?' problem while im in the hospital but it would give us a couple of months to save up for tickets and still be able to pay the bills. And we might be able to pay for half of maybe my moms or my dads to fly back with us so i wouldnt have to fly alone with a newborn and a toddler. And we also discussed christmas (i cant remember if i mentioned christmas in the OP or not. But we missed christmas last year and it really sucked. So he said since i would more than likely be coming back in July or so that would give us 6 mos to save up to come back here for christmas when DH gets off deployment.

     

    I thank you ladies for the advice. i appreciate the input! it really helped our decision. :)  

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  • With our first child my husband deployed five weeks before her due date,
    so he asked me to move home with his parents until he came home because he didn't want me to go into labor and panic lol.
    It was a really sweet gesture on his part.
    Though I love my in laws more than I can express, there's something that makes you feel like you are walking on eggshells when you move into someone else's house as an adult who already lived on your own.

     

    "The Love of a Family is Life's greatest Blessing."


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  • image SCasey32:

    With our first child my husband deployed five weeks before her due date,
    so he asked me to move home with his parents until he came home because he didn't want me to go into labor and panic lol.
    It was a really sweet gesture on his part.
    Though I love my in laws more than I can express, there's something that makes you feel like you are walking on eggshells when you move into someone else's house as an adult who already lived on your own.

     

    THIS! and they are MY parents! and im here for an extra 3 months because DH isnt scheduled to go on deployment until the end of April. But we had to come at the end of Feb because DH was SUPPOSED to go to a class the whole month of March and the first week or two of April. Then hes scheduled to come back the day before thanksgiving but wont come to get us until December because we want to spend christmas here. NOW we are rethinking all of that! i dont think i can do 9 months with my parents! I love them to death, but i just cant take it. We will see how things are in July. but as for right now, we are leaving. 

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  • It seems like it does make the most sense for you to stay where you are.  It sounds like a sucky situation though Sad

    But ditto pp, you can gate check a stroller, no charge.  Also when you fly back with both kids, maybe see if they will give a gate pass to one of your parents so they can help you get to the gate.  Maybe they will take pity on you traveling alone with 2 small children!  

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