c-section mommas, let's talk feelings (nothing more than feelings)

ali_bl-nov05

Almost a year ago when my OB suggested that I had a c/s, I cried, because I really wanted to have the natural childbirth experience. When I had my baby in my arms I honestly never thought about it again.

Well, come this morning, I learn that my niece had been born (YAY!) and that my SIL had a vaginal birth. I don't know why, but it affected me, I was jealous, sad and crying all over again (selfish much?). Somehow this reminded me that I lost my chance and that I might never get it again.

I don't know what got into me, I usually enjoy reading bith stories. I'm fine again now, but I wonder if other c/s moms feel the same way by now. 

Qrichar1

I feel horrible everyday because I did not have the vaginal experience.  Then it also hurts that I was unable to breastfeed so it just is all messed up completely.  No it's not selfish one bit. 

EMR11

I was devestated when I had a c-section, but I got over it quickly.  It still does bother me when I hear of other people having natural births, but not that much. 

greengirl0909

I hope my chiming in doesn't offend you, but I feel like I can relate on a different matter.  I was really hoping for a med free birth, but after I'd been having contractions 2 minutes apart for 24 hours with no sleep, and no progress with my cervix my doctor said: I can either put you on a high dose of pitocin and give you an epidural, or we can prep the OR for a c-section.  I chose the pitocin/epidural combo.  Sometimes now I will still get sad that I didn't deliver without meds.  I know that people will say, oh it's fine, what's it matter if your baby is here and healthy, but I get what you're saying about having mixed emotions about things going a different way than you expected.  (even now reading this post, I can see me justifying the use of meds fro my delivery!)

Kestrel84

I'm normally a lurker on this board, so Hi, but anyway, yes I have experienced this as well.  I am a big natural childbirth advocate and really wanted to have that experience.  But I was transferred from my birth center to the hospital mid labor because of DS's heart rate was dropping.  It kept dropping so they did a c/s.  Was it necessary?  Yes.  Was I glad that there are medical procedures that can intervene when things go wrong? Yes.  Did I cry/get super jealous when 8 months later an acquaintance gave birth at the birth center I was supposed to deliver at?  Yes!  I still think about it a lot and I am already planning my VBAC even though we are years away from having another kiddo.  It sucks but after a few moments of self-pity I can suck it up and be happy for others who have the experience I wanted.

PrimReaper

I've had both a c/s and vaginal birth and looking back don't really feel sad about the c/s.  I was relieved when they said I would have to go in for a c/s because it felt like my uterus was going to explode...I found out later that I had a constriction ring and uterine rupture was very possible.

However, because of the last c/s and the reason for it, I may not be a candidate for a vbac next time around and I've started feeling a little sad about that.  I thought at first that I'd just want a c/s anyways, but giving a little time after the delivery changed my mind. 

I've been reading up on natural c/s and taking charge of the c/s and I feel more empowered about having my birth experience my way whether it's vaginal or not.

BamBam510

I def. get jealous.  I was freaking out about a natural birth and the idea of squeezing a human out of my vag.  But I was also looking forward to it.  I was going to get induced, but my Dr. called saying she'd prefer to do a C/S because of how big my son was measuring (9lbs a week before I was getting induced) and due to me having GD she was worried his shoulders might get stuck and cause nerve damage etc.  After I saw him, I was glad I had one.  He had/has a huge head and I'm sure I would have had quite a bit of vag. damage.

However, when my friends talk about their vaginal deliveries I do find myself getting jealous that I didn't experience it, I doubt I'm a canidate for a VBAC due to my pregnancies being so close, and honestly I wouldn't want to try one anyways, I already have the C/S damage and don't feel like damaging my Vag along with it.  ANd when my friends talk about how they still haven't had sex or that it hurts etc. it makes me feel better that I didn't have to worry about that.  Plus, I think my H would have been traumatized by seeing a child come out of it, he's the type who won't forget that image and would probably never look at it the same.  

meganandchase

I really did not want a c-section.  I wrote up my birth plan and everything stating that it had to be a last resort.  Well, unfortunately, it came to the last resort and he was born by c-section.  At first, I really was upset, and felt like I missed out on something most women go through.  But if I ever feel like that now, I'm easily able to make myself forget about it.  Sure I wanted a vaginal birth, but obviously I just wanted a healthy kid.  I got that, so I should quit whining!

PrincessLinLin

As horrible as this sounds I'm resentful to the people in my life who had vaginal births, even more resentful to the ones who went natural. I wish I could have been given the opportunity to let my body do the work. Some c/s moms may get the chance for a vbac one day but that will NEVER be me and it makes me sad every time I think about it.

jlthompson19

I was a little pissed when it happened b/c I felt forced into it, but I have never given it a second thought since.  I only cared about a healthy baby and that's what I got.  I honestly don't understand heartache some women get, IMO birth is a means to an end.  And before everyone freaks out, this doesn't mean I discount anyone's feelings about it, I just don't understand them.

hikerbeth

I had a c-section with my first.  She was footling breech and I tried everything to get her to turn (ECV, etc.) so since it was scheduled, I really had some time to come to peace with the surgery.

Still, I really felt like I wanted to try for the vaginal experience so I had a VBAC with my second.

SageGreen82

The only issue I had with my c-section is that my son had to be taken to the NICU for breathing issues, so I only saw him for 5 seconds in the delivery room and then about 1.5 hours later I got to see him for a few minutes when I got out of recovery.

I was diagnosed with pre-e at 29 weeks but managed to make it to term with bed rest and outstanding medical care.  I actually was induced twice, neither time took.  By the end of the best rest, two failed inductions, numerous cervadils and cytotecs, I called it a day and opted for a section.  At times, I am a little envious of women that didn't have a high risk pregnancydelivery because I didn't get to spend any time with my son until the morning after his birth (he was born at 10:30pm) because of time in the NICU.  I was also on magnesium sulfate for the pre-e for about 24 hours after he was born, which made me extremely sick. 

Overall, my recovery was not as nearly as bad as I thought it would be, and have no issues with having another one in the future.  My nurses were outstanding, and even though I will be opting to have another section, I will still be using a midwife for my prenatal care.

kate930

I understand. I saw a therapist for my issues afterwards. She told me they are pretty normal for c-section moms. 

ToothyRoothy78

I often times felt cheated for not getting to have a vaginal birth with DS.  Then I had a VBAC planned all along with DD, and that ended up being another C-section.  When  we have a 3rd baby, it has to be delivered C-section since my OB only alllows a VBAC with one previous section.  I'm disappointed that I will never again feel contractions or labor, and picking a birthday for LO just seems wrong to me.  But in the end, I have 2 healthy happy babes regardless of how they got here!

jknigh8

I had planned on having a vaginal birth, and was definitely disapointed when I had to have a c/s due to DD being breech. But, I have a friend who has been trying for 10 years and cannot conceive, and my brother and his wife have been trying for 15 years. I hear all these stories about babies being born unhealthy or people who desperately want children and cannot have them and I feel utterly blessed to at least have my beautiful healthy daughter in my arms at all. There is always next  time to try for a vbac, but if it never happens, and I still have the ability to have a happy and healthy family, then I feel like I have had the best experience for me. I think maybe you should look at it from the other side and be happy with what you do have.

JamesMom10

call me crazy, but i'm a super fan of my c-section.  i know that's not how a lot of mom's feel that have had them, but they way i see it, my baby needed out and that c-section got him out and into medical care as quickly as possible.  he was born at 35 weeks due to my pre-eclampsia and had RDS.  he was in the NICU for 10 days and is now healthy and thriving.  i don't feel like i missed out on anything and i felt bonded to my son instantly even after not seeing him for 2 days post partum due to 36 hours of mag sulfate.  5 days post partum i was put on another 36 hour round of mag sulfate and couldn't see him for another 2 days (which was reason to be upset, not the fact that i had a c-section).  whenever we have another baby, i know i will be having a c-section and am totally happy with that.

nwagner1

I don't and never did feel bad about my c-section.  C-sections are done for a reason, and in my case if my dr hadn't decided to do one my DD wouldn't be here.  I thank god everyday that my dr decided on a c-section.  I bonded with my baby right away, was able to breastfeed, and had a great recovery.  I am not a fan of my "pouch" , but that's it.  I'm not discounting anyone's feelings or minimizing them but I can't imagine being jealous of someone else's birth story.  But that's me.