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Multiples
Can I just say something about calling out "fakers"?
While I understand that the boards, this one especially, have dealt with a lot of people who really are faking it... can we maybe not jump to that conclusion and actually voice that opinion on the board until there is some real proof?
I get it when u/s pictures are obviously stolen from other sites, or baby pictures, etc. But when it's just someone's story not completely matching up, I think the group as a whole needs to try and give the benefit of the doubt, and not call out someone just because it doesn't make sense to you.
Now if you want to keep a running list about that person in case stories don't match up later, or ask pointed questions to see if they'll slip up in their story, or talk about it through PM's or email with other board members to see if you're on the same page... fine. But I know if I were to go on a board, and post a few things, and then be called out as a faker just because of a few posts that didn't make sense to everyone else, I'd be hella pissed and upset.
I mean, maybe she was a faker. I don't know. But that's the point, there was no definite proof to know, so it's very likely that we just ran someone off who was just simply uneducated and could have benefitted greatly from hanging around here and learning more about pregnancy, birth, and multiples.
Just as an example: When I first started posting on BOTB again, after all of my IF issues and RE cycles, I was about 10-12 weeks pregnant with my duo. (I don't remember the exact timing, sorry it was a long time ago LOL). Anyway, someone called me out as a faker because I mentioned my husband being deployed for X number of months but I had clearly only gotten pregnant Y number of months ago. Sounds incredibly suspicious right, especially since I think I had also mentioned when he had come home on leave, and it was not at the time of conception? Luckily I got the chance to explain that yes I did get pregnant while he was gone, through IUI with sperm he left at the cryobank before he deployed. Just that one person though really upset me (and I have a thick shell), so I know if the entire board had jumped on the wagon without giving me a chance I would have never posted on any of these boards again. And that would have been a shame since I have made so many good friends (both online and IRL) and learned so much about being a parent here.
Anyway, that got longer than intended, sorry. I just wanted to say that if you have suspicions fine, keep track of them or whatever, but don't just jump to conclusions and get the whole board on the Faker Wagon without actual proof.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can I just say something about calling out "fakers"?
And I also want to say that, I do understand getting that immediate gut feeling that someone is lying. I've felt it about quite a few people in the past, and most of the time those feelings turned out to be right.
Just on the off chance that everyone's radar isn't working properly, and the person really is just incredibly uneducated instead of lying... get tangible proof before making a call out. Better to let a liar continue lying for a while than hurt innocent feelings.
And all of this has officially filled my (incredibly small) puppies 'n' rainbows quota for the week. You may all return to your regularly scheduled programming now.
This is how I felt. Incredibly thin-skinned and just uneducated about a multiples pregnancy (which I personally can't understand, but it happens).
No one used the exact word faker, but in one of her post below that someone said something along the lines of, "And I'm calling it." The intent was pretty clear IMO.
Apparently I missed that.
While I completely understand and agree with your point of view, I feel it important to point out that nobody ever said she was lying or faking anything until after she GBCB. She was the one who made the post saying, "I guess some of you don't believe me..."
The only lines in the previous posts that could have possibly made her think that anyone didn't believe her were, "I've gotta call this." (or something similar) and, "Where is peakay's list? I need to reference it."
And then 2 comments about how something she said seemed odd. But like most of us know, unless you hang out or lurk on our board the ones in quotes probably would make NO sense to a newbie. (Or is the "I'm calling it" line used across all boards? It seems odd that other boards would even have fakers called out, but I suppose it's possible.)
Puppies, rainbows and lollipops.
ITA. Very well said!
I would've been so scared if that was me when I first came on here. I probably wouldn't come back either. But TB and the multiples board especially has helped me so much with my pregnancy/parenting of these two little pumpkins. I've said it before, I don't know anyone with twins so this board was great for support and advice.
I feel bad if an innocent person was ran off because of suspicions with no proof. I hope she comes back and gives it another chance.
Maybe it's because I hang out here often, but I thought that the "I've gotta call it" line was pretty obvious, especially when combined with a few other posts. I don't know. Like I said, maybe she really is a faker, or maybe she's just been lurking here longer than we realized (but somehow not opening any posts she would have learned about NICU time from?), but I just don't feel comfortable with calling people out for lying, even as passive aggressively as just saying "calling it," without pretty definitive proof.
Gosh, why am I so Kumbaya today?
Because it's already been 8 mo?
What do you mean you don't have time to sift through thousands of pictures first?! Gosh, what kind of a mother are you?
The thing with fakers, is that it will come out over time. They'll majorly slip up on their stories, or they'll try way too hard and expose themselves that way, or they'll steal and crop an u/s image from page 1 of Google Images, or a kid's picture from another forum that happens to have members who frequent TB as well. That's why I said, you know what keep a running list of what they say, ask the tough questions that most fakers would mess up on, etc. They WILL out themselves somehow eventually.
SQUEEE! I think you are correct. I've been in an unusually good mood all day because of that.
This!!
No Leslie, I think you have a valid point.
I know I said something was "ODD" but I don't know that anyone said she was faking. Her posts were all over the place, which is why it was so freaking confusing and questionable. I just went back to take a look to see if someone did call her a faker (other than the suggestion of peakay's list) but it looks like everything was deleted. I was out tonight so missed what happened after I posted....
Anyway- it's a valid point. I'd hate for someone who is maybe uneducated (like sunnybrook pointed out) to be called a faker and be denied the support I've recieved from this board.
Long time lurker, seldom poster but I agree with you 100%! This is why I don't post here. It makes me sad because I know I could learn a lot and share a lot.
Pretty much this. I thought she was just confused and uneducated, but I haven't been here long enough to actually see a faker. And....I'm just a downright honest person, it doesn't occur to me to lie, and I tend to trust people and take them for face value when at times I really shouldn't. (And I'm still new enough I guess that the "I'll go ahead and call it" statement didn't click with me, I didn't know what that or peakay's list meant LOL I do now!)
This. I also am a long time lurker, but have to admit that I am honestly afraid to post on here alot of the time. So I just lurk and soak up all the great information.