please read this . i thought i was the only person thinking about this.

jc26

 

 . i thought i was the only person thinking about this.

https://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/user-post-the-selfish-pregnant-woman-2465654/

 I guess I can't control what people comment about, but I'm not typing this out to be insulted, just to vent my worries and frustration. And to see if there are any other pregnant women who feel the same.

I know when you begin family, it is no longer about "me me me". Its about your children. Raising them to the best of your ability, to one day go out into the world and make it a better place. I'm not saying my children will not be first in my life. I'm not saying I won't sacrifice the world to give them everything they need to grow. Because of course, being 9 3/4 months pregnant, that one of the main things I, as most mothers, worry about. "Am I going to be good at this?".

But I can't help but question peoples intentions behind me in this pregnancy. Is my mother-in-law just being nice because I'm giving her the first grandchild? Is my husband just along for the ride to get a kid out of this? He never acted this way when we were just dating. Never put my needs first. Never cared about how I felt or what I wanted. And now all of a sudden he coddles me, and says he plans to during the entire delivering process. My mom has never been this understanding and loving in my entire life, but now all of a sudden she tells me she loves me, and calls me for no reason, just to see how I'm feeling, something thats never really been done in the past.

I know it won't stay like this after I give birth. It will go back to the same crap with my husband, and the same 'lets treat each other like crap' mentality, meanwhile our daughter will be getting all the love, support and attention, and I'm left behind to [literally] clean up after everyone. I'm not wanting attention because I'm pregnant, I'm not wanting to be coddled. I want sincere support and love. And it doesn't feel that way.

Right now I'm to the point where I'm ready to start a fight, just to ask my husband "Do you really even care about ME or is it just all about the baby?". (I know it will lead to a fight because most insecure questions do). I just don't feel like I matter, and I'll have an even lesser purpose after the baby is born.

I guess you can call it being selfish, call it whatever you want, but I still am a person, still have the same feelings I have all along and still will need support, but I don't feel after birth, I'll get that. I'll just be forgotten about and all eyes are on the little one.

Maybe if I've been thought of in this way before pregnancy, I wouldn't be so insecure about it now. Maybe if people went out of their way for me before pregnancy, this wouldn't be an issue. Maybe if Dominic treated me this good before pregnancy, I wouldn't be questioning this.
But how do I change my mentality??

 

TryingforBaby1

I guess I think you should really talk to your husband about this. FIght or not, this is really important stuff. Good luck!

Scout05

I don't think you're being selfish, but I do think you need to consider some counseling for both you and your husband, and maybe just for you as well. If you are this unhappy in your marriage, something needs to change. You deserve better, and your daughter deserves to grow up with happy parents - even if they aren't together.

I don't know if it's about changing your mentality as much as making sure you are content to stay in your current situation.

ellaNu630

You wrote this or you just feel the same way? 

I think that if you honestly feel this way, then you should talk to those individuals about it.  And, I think it's totally ok for you to do so. If the change is so obvious from what it was like before the bump, then it's only natural you'd be afraid you will loose all the support afterwards. One of the post on the Yahoo board said you should just deal with it, I think that would be the wrong way to go about it. Face it head on, get some help if you feel like you'd need it. 

MG7

I don't think it's selfish at all to think the things you are thinking. It takes a lot to say these things so good for you for being honest. I can relate to some of the things you talked about so I do understand to a point what you are talking about.

It will very likely end in a fight if you do discuss this with your husband but it's a discussion that is worth having. Things aren't going to get any easier once the baby is here so get it out now. 

andreajdowns

I don't think you are selfish... a baby is a huge change for everyone.  I have found that it has greatly improved my relationship with my mom because it is something major in our lives that we have bonded over.  I have vowed to keep my relationship with my mom this strong after the baby is here.  I think a baby can be a really uniting thing for a family and a couple.  I feel closer to my husband now that we are having a little one together!  However, I am still scared that things will change after the baby gets here, but that is normal.  Changing mental takes A LOT of work and often this work needs to be guided by a professional.  I know I would not have gotten to this point alone. 

GHBEA

Maybe your DH doesn't know his behavior to you has changed since you got pregnant. Have a heart to heart talk with him.  If you have to write everything down and read it to him.  Men are protectors and he might see this as his way of protecting you.

I also think you should talk to the others.  Maybe they see it as a new begining for all involved.  I don't under stand why people come out of the wood works when one becomes pregnant, my SIL did and it confused me but in the end I figure its best for the family.

Babies get a lot of attention, but cherish the attention your baby gets instead of feeling left out.  When some one tells you your LO is beautiful, or perfect what ever complement they give take it to heart that it was all your doing for 9 months of your LO growing inside of you.  YOU DID THIS.

Good luck.