- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
August 2011 Moms
betsy538
member
AGH! DH vent (nbr) long...sorry!
betsy538
member
I feel like I'm at my wits end with my D(amn)H! We have a good friend going through a divorce, so DH likes to hang out with him on the weekends, they also work together, so they are together a lot which is not a problem. On the weekends though, they go out to the bars and stay out until usually 1:30 at the earliest. He also has a few other single friends who I don't care for much that he has been going out with since we found out we're expecting. We didn't go out often before I got pregnant, but now since that he is going out at least once a weekend, the biggest problem is that he stays out with his other friends until 2:30-3, and they are always trying to pick up girls at the bar, and he tells me they need him out to be their wingman. I don't feel that he needs to be doing this at all, never the less every weekend. This past weekend he went out to a gun banquet with one friend around 4:30, he didn't get home until 3:15 am, I find out after the fact that his friend he went with went home around 12 and he went to the bar to meet up with his friend Mark (whom I can't stand!). He's pulled sh*t with Mark shortly after we got married, he pretty much went on a double date with him and his gf and another girl, and my H took the other girl (who I've never met) home after they left the bar (I didn't find out about this until after it happened) so I try to limit the time he spends with this guy.
Anyways, he was out late, he ignored my calls and didn't answer any texts which were after 2 am when I woke up and he wasn't home yet. He finally answered a call at 2:40 and said he had just dropped Mark off and was heading home, it should have only taken 15 min, over 1/2 hour later he finally got home. He wouldn't talk to me when he came into the bedroom, and wouldn't answer any of my questions. He just shuts down and gets mad at me when I'm upset with him, and that ticks me off even more! We still haven't talked, he tried last night to joke around about something stupid, but I'm still mad and he needs to explain his actions to me I think. I think he needs to grow up, he's 27 after all, and start being more responsible. Am I being over reactive or hormonal?!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: AGH! DH vent (nbr) long...sorry!
Wow... I dont think you are over reacting. But this sounds like a really big trust and communication issue that needs to be worked at with your H. Maybe you two need to talk to a professional since talking between eachother isn't getting anywhere.
GL!
Honestly I don't think you are overreacting at all. Just b/c you are pregnant doesn't mean it is a pass for him to go out every weekend. I would be furious if my DH pulled this. I am fine with and encourage my DH to spend time with the guys and go out sometimes, but I refuse to sit home alone every weekend while he is out at the bars all night. I also would get really upset if he was ignoring my calls/texts, especially at 2 in the morning, IMHO that is rude and disrespectful.
You need to have a serious talk with him, you are about to become parents, he may be freaking out about that and think he is going to lose time with his friends when the baby comes, but he needs to start putting your family's needs first. GL!!
Wow. No, not over reacting at all. I agree with PP it might be time for counseling.
There is just so much going on there. You shouldn't have to limit his time with people, he should be mature enough to make the right decisions and the fact that he's not is worrisome.
i would agree. the sooner you have counseling, the better. it is only going to get more difficult once the baby enters the picture. he is putting himself in situations where it would be very tempting and easy to break his marriage vows. that is NOT okay.
i hope you get this sorted out soon. good luck to you!
Nope, definitely not overreacting. It sounds like he is acting very immature in a variety of ways. There would be hell to pay at my house if DH was ignoring my calls.
Have you had these problems in the past or just since becoming pregnant? I agree with the other posters... you may need to insist on counseling because things will be even more complicated when the baby gets here.
We've had these types of problems a few times before, once shortly after getting married and the other time was 7 months before we got married. He came clean about what happened after the fact, but ignored calls/texts those times too. And it's always with his friend Mark that I don't like. And both of those times he was hanging out with different girls, the first time he actually took an old "crush" out to eat and to the bar on a Friday night and Saturday they went to the bar again, I was out of town that weekend and found out about it on FB. The second time I explained in my rant above.
I've been waiting to talk to him until I can keep my temper in check, it's not worth getting super upset over it, I'll just end up making myself sick like I did on Saturday night when he got home. He is so stubborn and won't do the counseling thing, I've tried after we had issues like this before. I'm actually thinking of packing some stuff up and staying with my parents for a few days to make him realize that I'm serious and that LO and I come first no. matter. what.
He's a total @sshole. You don't ignore your pregnant wife's calls under any circumstances. Furthermore, staying out that late at bars on a consistent basis is completely irresponsible.
Your friend is the one going through the divorce, not your DH. If your friend is an adult, he should be able to handle this on his own some of the time.
Take some time to calm down, write down some of your thoughts and sit down with your DH to chat it out. This is a rough situation, and it's going to be difficult to get through if he can't realize what your expectations are and why they are what they are.
Years ago before H and I were even engaged I moved out for a week. Honestly if was the best thing I ever did for our relationship. We were just having communication issues. H has the tendency, if he doesn't like something, to just ignore it. It was really really wearing on me and I felt like 100% of the pressure of taking care of a home were on me. It's hard to explain. It wasn't just the cleaning and things like that, but I felt like he was looking at our living situation like he was a college kid home on vacation. With not a care in the world or any responsibilies. I had told him on several occasions that I needed more from him, relationship and help with the house, and if I didn't get those things this relationship was just not going to work, plain and simple. He would pretty much ignore my requests (found out later it was because he was just at a loss at what to do to help the situation). One day he came home and I said "I'm sorry, but I can't live like this. I am moving out." Three days later we were able to talk and he finally opened up to the fact that he just didn't know what to do in a serious relationship - he never had a girl friend for more then 2 months before me and he thought life together was going to be like "playing house." So, long story short, we were able to work through everything very quickly because he realized just because we were living together doesn't mean life was going to be smooth sailing. H even says, as broken hearted as he was, it was the best thing to do at the time because we were able to save the relationship and are very very happy together.... even if I have to ask him twice to clean the litter box some days
.
I will be thinking of you and I hope you and your H will work things out sooner rather then later. As stubborn as your H is, try again to see if he is willing to talk with a professional. Just try to approach that subject as "We need help" not "You need help".
I'm sorry, I may reading this differently but this sounds to be something more than just immaturity. I can only interpret one thing from what I bolded above- did he cheat on you? If so, I would seriously consider the situation you are in. It seems as though he is going down the same road again and has not learned a thing about what he's put you through nor what it means to be in a relationship. Outside help is needed, and for the two of you to be successful in your marriage and raising your LO, he needs to do this.
After reading OP's response that you've bolded, I don't think it matters if he cheated or not.
He's clearly demonstrated this behavior before -- even before you were married. And, yet, you continue giving him opportunities to disrespect you? I couldn't let a man do that to me. Do you want your LO to be born into a relationship and watch this happen to its mother time and time again?
Counseling or I'm leaving... Those are his only two options as far as I'm concerned. And I'm only putting counseling on the table because there's a kid involved. The two prior offenses would have led to a break up or a divorce.
All I see when I read the bolded comments is that this has nothing to do with the fear of becomming a father or being tied down by baby. This is something that has been ongoing for some time in your relationship.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I would be telling him it's counseling or I'm out.
Oh, I agree, that it doesn't matter if he cheated or not; however, the pp's are only mentioning that he's being immature & selfish. I really think there is a much more serious issue at hand and definitely agree that professional help or a walk out the door is necessary.
I agree with the counseling, as PPs mentioned above. None of what your husband is doing is right. He's also avoiding talking to you, which to me, raises a lot of red flags that something is going on, even before knowing that he's done this to you in the past.
Sorry if it sounded like I was under-minding you. I totally wasn't. I was agreeing and elaborating from my own personal opinion. I think you were the first to hit the nail on the head, actually.
First off, I want to say that I'm sorry your H is treating you this way...you deserve way better than that. Second, I agree with all the other women, you need to nip this problem in the bud. It obviously is not the first time he's pulled $h!t like this...and if you don't do something about it now, it's only going to get worse.
While it could be that Mark is a bad influence that is NO excuse. Your H is a grown man who has a child on the way and needs to start acting like one. I really think counseling would be the best option. Best of luck.
I'm cutting out the "quoting"- No worries, JaysonandKristin, I didn't take offense...
As for op, Betsy, I do hope things work out for you, I really do. Hopefully, your H decides to take things seriously and agrees to counseling. GL
Thank you ladies for all the advice! I'm going to sit down and talk to him tonight. He hasn't cheated in the past that I know of, but to me it's just as bad when he isn't truthful about things that he does. I'm always more than honest with everything and just want the same respect. The biggest problem is that he'll change for a while and be the dream H, then all of a sudden he'll start slipping again. I know I need to stand up for myself and our LO and make sure that he takes it to heart this time. This is going to be the last time I have to deal with it as far as I'm concerned.
Thanks again!