Serious baptism questions inside

canthardlywait426

Ok, please dont flame me or start an argument about anything written here. Im in a bad place emotionally and looking for some guidance.

DH and I have had constant discussions about getting Cooper baptized. I was baptized, got communion and confirmation in the catholic church. DH has never been to church in his life. We dont practice religion at all in our house. 

Having said that, I want Cooper baptized. It feels wrong not to. He would be the first in our very large Italian family to not be baptized. I will fully admit that my reasons behind wanting to do it are superficial if you will. I want him to be blessed, and I want to carry tradition but I really have no intention of raising him in the church. So I feel completely conflicted. 

Would it be possible to do a small back yard kinda baptism. Keep it small and simple (only immediate family and friends, not a big production) and outside of a church so that my husband doesnt feel awkward and I feel fulfilled? Is that even possible?

I just need some guidance right now.  Can you give me your opinions without making me feel like crap? Haha.

thatgirl85

I have no advice to offer -sorry!-, but I'm also in your situation.  We're getting Alec baptized due to tradition.  Otherwise, I'm mostly a holiday church going Catholic.  DH wants it in church, so Alec is getting baptized at one of the most popular churches in Tampa during their busiest mass (I'm not very excited about that, I really hate attention and getting up in front of people).

nootie24

we're getting LO baptized for the same reason. i'm an italian catholic and i want her to be raised the way i was and go to catholic school, etc. DH was raised christian and his parents try to bite their lip because they aren't too fond of catholicism... but i'm also not too fond of their church (it's really superficial and reminds me of the church from "Four Christmases") but whatever I'm doing it anyway. im not making a huge deal of it but we're inviting close family and friends... maybe 20 or so people. i think it's a cultural tradition that feels special. i just want her to have the opportunity to live catholic if that's what she chooses. 

it's not like you're making DH convert or live obsessively catholic... it's just one day and one celebration.  

watermellens

Sorry this is so rough for you    I'm not really sure if it's possible to do a backyard kind of deal; I mean you can do whatever you want in terms of a party or celebration, but I'm not sure if a priest would perform a baptism outside of the church OR if it would be "recognized" as official b/c it's not in the church.  If that part is not that important to you (if it's more just the idea of having it done), then I say go for it!

 

canthardlywait426

flgirl79:

S and I were having this same discussion the other night. Both M and C have been baptized in the Catholic church, but we never went beyond that. C should be making first communion this year and M should be doing her first reconciliation.

S is agnostic and that is the main reason we haven't been to church, but I still want Evelyn to be baptized. S has agreed to have E be baptized so I just need to make the call to the church.

Anyway, do you want Cooper baptized Catholic or just in general? Do priests perform baptisms outside of the church? I honestly don't know.

I understand where you are coming from though!

Just baptized in general. Not catholic. Maybe we should do a double non traditional baptism!

AllSmiles1210

No flames here! And bigs hugs to you, I know you're going through a lot right now. We're kind of in a similar situation. My husband was raised with going to church on Sundays and has a religious background. I was baptized and that's about as far as my religious background goes. We both want to have A baptized (H for religious reasons and me for tradition) and are going to have it done at my H's grandmoms church. I'll invite both sides of the family so everyone is included. I'm not sure about having it outside of a church but I'm sure you could call one and ask.

Paul&Mel

My H and I are in pretty much the exact same situation, but our situation are reverse. H is Lutheran, I am agnostic (never go to church, was never baptised, don't really believe in organized religion).

We met with the pastor last night. She was a bit pushy, telling me that this is a sign from God that I should be baptised as well. Um, ok. I am agreeing to baptism because it is important to my husband. That is really the only reason. We were told that by having him baptised we are promising to raise them in the church (Sunday school, confirmation, etc.) We really have no intention of this either though.

 We are doing it because it is tradition. I am going along with it because it is important to my husband. I think that you should do whatever you and your husband want to do. I think something in the backyard sounds awesome. I would much prefer that, than what we are doing. My in laws want a huge production, have invited the whole family, etc.

I do feel awkward about the whole thing though (just to give you perspective of how your husband may feel). I am sucking it up because this is something that will make my husband happy. HTH

Sorry this is kind of all over the place...

canthardlywait426

Paul&Mel:

My H and I are in pretty much the exact same situation, but our situation are reverse. H is Lutheran, I am agnostic (never go to church, was never baptised, don't really believe in organized religion).

We met with the pastor last night. She was a bit pushy, telling me that this is a sign from God that I should be baptised as well. Um, ok. I am agreeing to baptism because it is important to my husband. That is really the only reason. We were told that by having him baptised we are promising to raise them in the church (Sunday school, confirmation, etc.) We really have no intention of this either though.

 We are doing it because it is tradition. I am going along with it because it is important to my husband. I think that you should do whatever you and your husband want to do. I think something in the backyard sounds awesome. I would much prefer that, than what we are doing. My in laws want a huge production, have invited the whole family, etc.

I do feel awkward about the whole thing though (just to give you perspective of how your husband may feel). I am sucking it up because this is something that will make my husband happy. HTH

Sorry this is kind of all over the place...

Oh I completely understand where my husband is coming from and would never discount his feelings or opinions on the subject. Cooper is his child too. He feels like since we have no intention of raising him in the church we shouldn't do it. I just feel like I need this blessing and celebration of his life. I feel like with all the odds against us he is a gift and should be recognized as such. A baptism seems like the best way to do this.

babyonthebrain2010

I was baptized as a baby and H was baptized as a teenager.  his family is religious, mine is not.. we don't go to church so, no, we won't be baptizing LO. 

I, personally, think it's strange to baptize your LO with no intentions of bringing them to church ...but then again that's exactly what my parents did with me and my brother and we both turned out pretty okay   I think most people who baptize their babies nowadays do so more for the sake of tradition than anything else, anyway, even if they DO regularly go to church.  I say if you can find a way to do it in a way that doesn't make your H too uncomfortable then go for it!  and as a side note I think it has to be done in a church in order to be official..

Paul&Mel

canthardlywait426:

Paul&Mel:

My H and I are in pretty much the exact same situation, but our situation are reverse. H is Lutheran, I am agnostic (never go to church, was never baptised, don't really believe in organized religion).

We met with the pastor last night. She was a bit pushy, telling me that this is a sign from God that I should be baptised as well. Um, ok. I am agreeing to baptism because it is important to my husband. That is really the only reason. We were told that by having him baptised we are promising to raise them in the church (Sunday school, confirmation, etc.) We really have no intention of this either though.

 We are doing it because it is tradition. I am going along with it because it is important to my husband. I think that you should do whatever you and your husband want to do. I think something in the backyard sounds awesome. I would much prefer that, than what we are doing. My in laws want a huge production, have invited the whole family, etc.

I do feel awkward about the whole thing though (just to give you perspective of how your husband may feel). I am sucking it up because this is something that will make my husband happy. HTH

Sorry this is kind of all over the place...

Oh I completely understand where my husband is coming from and would never discount his feelings or opinions on the subject. Cooper is his child too. He feels like since we have no intention of raising him in the church we shouldn't do it. I just feel like I need this blessing and celebration of his life. I feel like with all the odds against us he is a gift and should be recognized as such. A baptism seems like the best way to do this.

I didn't mean to imply that you were discounting his feelings at all! If it is something that is important to you, then you should do it. I think the backyard idea is great. It will be fulfilling to you, and your husband will probably not feel as awkward. I know that I would feel more comfortable if the whole event was more relaxed (like you backyard idea).

GrayGhost13

My H and I were just discussing this same issue this weekend. We're not currently members of any congregation, and we feel kind of odd baptizing in a church we're not members of... but we also feel bad about not baptizing at all.

We tried looking for a church to join back when we were getting married, but we never found one that felt like "home" and we ended up getting married in Vegas, so the issue was never really settled.

I'm not sure what we're going to do yet.

OhSewCrafty

My sister and her husband had this exact issue. Though they were both baptized Roman Catholic, my sister never stepped foot in a church aside from her wedding and my BIL's family goes every weekend. The problem with having it outside the church is that most priest's won't do it since being inside the church is a huge part of the ceremony. Fun, huh? They ended up having my nephew baptized in the church they were married in and by the priest that did their ceremony so it was more of a tradition for their little family than a religious rite of passage.

Does the ceremony need to be Catholic? Could it maybe be a more non-denominational Christian ceremony? That would more likely be able to be held in another location like a park or someone's yard. 

Either way, its tough - especially since family has a vested interest in the outcome. The most important thing is to figure out what you both want and discuss it - family aside. You'll come up with something!

canthardlywait426

I would actually prefer it not be catholic. Especially because it would be way too intense for DH.

CamilleJon

Neither I , nor my FI, agree with organized religion and their "rituals". That being said, I understand your dilemma, as MIL is Lutheran and we have felt pressure to baptize our LO, and have actually considered and researched it.

MIL's church does it's Baptisms once a month on Sundays after service. I understand it is pretty informal. Would you want to do something like that? MIL spoke to her pastor and she said that they allow non-members to be baptized.

If you are doing it strictly for the sake of tradition, as I understand from your op, I would opt for a less strict church. I know Catholics are pretty strict with their baptisms, as they expect you to move on to catechism, confirmation, and I'm sure you would have to be a member.

What we might do is a "Baby Naming" ceremony. We will name the "Protectors" (godparents) and they will each say a few things, then we will have a barbecue in the backyard to celebrate. We haven' decided yet, though.

I know you have a lot going on and whatever you decide to do will be fine by your LO, I'm sure!!

Moonbeam828

The idea of a little backyard baptism sounds wonderful, lol.  I don't know about other religions, but I know it wouldn't fly in Catholicism. We're having all sorts of issues ourselves about DS's baptism, so I'd love to go the informal, low-key route (kind of like how I avoided a huge wedding, ha).  DH is from a big, practicing Irish-Catholic family, so that'll never work for us.  I'm sure when all is said and done, we're going to end up doing it at the church where DH's parents and grandparents were married.

Some religions routinely do outdoor baptisms or blessings though--Dwight Howard just got baptized in the surf over near New Smyrna Beach last year, so there are all sorts of options.  It's definitely something worth looking into.

canthardlywait426

I've thought about the "baby naming" ceremony but also understand that it's primarily Jewish people who do that. Am I correct?

canthardlywait426

mbenit4:

canthardlywait426:

I've thought about the "baby naming" ceremony but also understand that it's primarily Jewish people who do that. Am I correct?

https://www.pregnancy.org/article/baby-naming-ceremony

I also found this.

I like this.

OhSewCrafty

mbenit4:

OhSewCrafty:

Does the ceremony need to be Catholic? Could it maybe be a more non-denominational Christian ceremony? That would more likely be able to be held in another location like a park or someone's yard. 

This question is weird to me because not all Christian faiths baptize. When you are being baptized you are being baptized into a faith so you have to pick something like Catholic, Methodist, Episcopalian, etc.

I guess what I meant then was just a blessing ceremony, which can be more non-denominational.

JulietL129

I'm not sure about the Catholic faith but our church does NOT require a baptism to be done in a church, it can be done anywhere, in fact our church doesn't do them at all in our church- they do group submersion baptisms at a lake near our church every spring and summer. I'm sure if you call around to churches you can find a pastor who would be more than happy to do it at your home, they may just ask you to make a donation to the church. If this is something you feel in your heart that you'd like to do for Cooper, I really encourage you to do so. Biblically infant baptisms are not required for salvation, but I know some people feel strongly about doing it which I definitely respect. I would encourage you to look up what a baptism means before you decide because there is significant meaning behind them, they aren't something done just for show- and I think it's important that you believe in the purpose behind them. Good luck love, if you have any questions I'm always here!

CamilleJon

canthardlywait426:

I've thought about the "baby naming" ceremony but also understand that it's primarily Jewish people who do that. Am I correct?

Maybe Jewish people do it, but it's not a religious ceremony. The only one I have ever been to was in Colorado on a lake in a national park. It was an agnostic couple who wanted to celebrate their son and give him "godparents", but leave the religion out of it. It was really neat. They just stood by the water and said a few words about their son, named the Protectors, burned some incense, and it was over. The whole thing was about 20 minutes max. Afterward they served drinks and grilled chicken and steak on the charcoal grill that was at a nearby campsite.

I loved it.

CamilleJon

mbenit4:

CamilleJon:

canthardlywait426:

I've thought about the "baby naming" ceremony but also understand that it's primarily Jewish people who do that. Am I correct?

Maybe Jewish people do it, but it's not a religious ceremony. The only one I have ever been to was in Colorado on a lake in a national park. It was an agnostic couple who wanted to celebrate their son and give him "godparents", but leave the religion out of it. 

How do you give godparents but leave religion out? Am I the only one confused by this?  I thought godparents vow to help with the Christian upbringing. I don't know maybe they should call them something else. Godparents without religion seems like an oxymoron to me. 

As I stated in a previous post, LO would get "Protectors", which are comparable to godparents in a baptism. Hence why I put godparents in quotes.

Kristi221

JulietL129:

I'm not sure about the Catholic faith but our church does NOT require a baptism to be done in a church, it can be done anywhere, in fact our church doesn't do them at all in our church- they do group submersion baptisms at a lake near our church every spring and summer. I'm sure if you call around to churches you can find a pastor who would be more than happy to do it at your home, they may just ask you to make a donation to the church. If this is something you feel in your heart that you'd like to do for Cooper, I really encourage you to do so. Biblically infant baptisms are not required for salvation, but I know some people feel strongly about doing it which I definitely respect. I would encourage you to look up what a baptism means before you decide because there is significant meaning behind them, they aren't something done just for show- and I think it's important that you believe in the purpose behind them. Good luck love, if you have any questions I'm always here!

This is what I was thinking, just written much better than I would have written. It sounds like you want a blessing, but not a baptism, which as I understand it, dedicates the life of the child to Christ. I'm not sure that many traditional Christian pastors would baptize someone who wasn't even a member of that denomination, let alone a member of the church. I can see why you want this and think it's great that you're looking into doing it in a way that makes your H feel comfortable. Good luck! let us know what you end up doing.

 

LIBride6-16-07

My BIL was just baptized and received Communion in his apartment with boxed wine and a piece of bread. I am not kidding. He is Chrisitian Baptist.

CamilleJon

LIBride6-16-07:

My BIL was just baptized and received Communion in his apartment with boxed wine and a piece of bread. I am not kidding. He is Chrisitian Baptist.

 

Mommysaurus123

canthardlywait426:

Paul&Mel:

My H and I are in pretty much the exact same situation, but our situation are reverse. H is Lutheran, I am agnostic (never go to church, was never baptised, don't really believe in organized religion).

We met with the pastor last night. She was a bit pushy, telling me that this is a sign from God that I should be baptised as well. Um, ok. I am agreeing to baptism because it is important to my husband. That is really the only reason. We were told that by having him baptised we are promising to raise them in the church (Sunday school, confirmation, etc.) We really have no intention of this either though.

 We are doing it because it is tradition. I am going along with it because it is important to my husband. I think that you should do whatever you and your husband want to do. I think something in the backyard sounds awesome. I would much prefer that, than what we are doing. My in laws want a huge production, have invited the whole family, etc.

I do feel awkward about the whole thing though (just to give you perspective of how your husband may feel). I am sucking it up because this is something that will make my husband happy. HTH

Sorry this is kind of all over the place...

Oh I completely understand where my husband is coming from and would never discount his feelings or opinions on the subject. Cooper is his child too. He feels like since we have no intention of raising him in the church we shouldn't do it. I just feel like I need this blessing and celebration of his life. I feel like with all the odds against us he is a gift and should be recognized as such. A baptism seems like the best way to do this.

 

That's not what baptism's for though. Infant baptism is done as a way for the parents to say that they are going to raise their child to follow God... so if you're not raising him in a Christ-centered home, find another way to celebrate him.