Outgrowing friends

pennylane2241982

Anyone feel like they have outgrown their friends...bc of different places in your life?

Just wondering  

prego760

Yes. I had a very close friend who I spoke to at least every day. She was my maid of honor infact. I have seen her once since my wedding 2 years ago. Its not from my lack of trying, she just has things going on or is out of town or working. She hasnt met my son or anything. I thought she was my closest friend but looking back I wish I would have saved the MOH position for someone else.

megperk72

Yes, and somedays I get depressed just thinking about it. Most of our friends have kids in high school. They always try to include us in dinners and things, but I just hate keeping DD out too late. She is sleeping so well now, and staying up late (past 7 or 7:30) really throws things off schedule and gets her all discombobulated. And they look at me like I'm one of 'those' parents when I tell them we can't make it, or that we have to leave early to put her to bed. So yes, it's definitely a case of being in different places.

And then there are the 'kidless' friends. I have one that I just don't even talk to anymore, she is very outspoken and opinionated about daycare. Thinks if you have kids, you should quit your job and stay home with them. Period. There is no discussion on this. She never said anything directed towards me, but when the subject came up she wouldn't hesitate to speak up. Passive aggressive, imo. So I just pretty much had to cut the ties on that one.

 And just generally feeling like it's hard to relate to anyone who doesn't have little ones. I do try to make the effort to get out without DD once in awhile, that seems to help with friendships.

 

Jessys_Girl

Yes!

I have/had a best friend who was there for me through thick and thin and we did EVERYTHING together before LO arrived.  Well, since I've become a "family woman" it doesn't seem that she (my friend) really wants to hang out as much anymore.  I try to stay in contact and whatnot, but I honestly find myself not really even feeling bad..  We've just grown apart and now have very different interests.  My friend still goes to the bar 3-5 times per week and gets drunk and parties and stuff and that's just not me anymore.

pennylane2241982

I really am glad some of you feel this way too... I feel like I cant relate to any of my friends anymore and its sad...  Most of my friends dont have childen and are going out 5 nights a week drinking and the one that does have a baby within weeks of my DD is also going out drinking all the time... They dont understand why I cant..

Idk it sucks I miss having my old friends and how close we were but I cant regress! 

sherina825

I actually had this discussion a little while ago with some of my friends.  I think that it does happen and there really isn't anything that can be done about it.  I mean, you're friends because you can relate on some level, but if you no longer have anything to relate to, can you still be considered friends?  Most of my friends and I have grown at relatively the same rate, we all have children within 5 years, are working/ going to school, getting married/ in relationships, etc, so I can relate on some level to most of them still, but there there are those that I just don't have anything to talk about anything with because their lives are so different than mine. 

sherina825

pennylane2241982:

I really am glad some of you feel this way too... I feel like I cant relate to any of my friends anymore and its sad...  Most of my friends dont have childen and are going out 5 nights a week drinking and the one that does have a baby within weeks of my DD is also going out drinking all the time... They dont understand why I cant..

Idk it sucks I miss having my old friends and how close we were but I cant regress! 

Honestly, it's probably less that you can't and more that you don't want to because you have different priorities in life and that's okay. 

tarebear9891

Yes, definitely. I think having kids kind of shows you who your true friends are. Most of my friends are childless and some stopped calling (or even answering calls) since my kids were born. For example the ones that have stuck around make an effort to come see me and my kids, come to their birthday parties, etc. Just like I make an effort to meet up for drinks with them (even if I don't feel like it), go to all the big events in their life, etc. Friendship is a two way street full of compromise.

So my point was, even though it makes me sad, all the friends I have lost was probably for the best.

GreenPeaMama

Absolutely. I moved 700 miles away from my home town about 3 years ago and up until LO was born my best friend and I e-mailed each other everyday, several times a day. Then DD was born, I went on maternity leave, DD was diagnosed with a very serious illness and we kind of lost touch. I was so busy and it was just so hard to talk because I was so consumed with what was going on with my daughter. But now that we are out of the storm and LO is healthy we barely ever talk. I just have a hard time coming up with things to say to her. She's living the single life and I'm a mommy. It makes me sad, but I know she is there for me if I need her though, I still consider her my bestie.

emily0829

Me, sadly. Perhaps in a way, they've distanced themselves from me as well.

I went out on Saturday with my best friend, and my older brother and his girlfriend met up with us for the UFC fight. I was talking to my brother's girlfriend about her boys and all things baby related. My BFF sat there and looked incredibly annoyed because she couldn't particpate in the conversation, although it was fairly short and she was talking to my brother.

All of the sudden she had a headache. Of course. But once we were away from them and she was getting some male attention, her headache was magically gone.