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MIL wants to stay and 'help' after baby is born...

We got a call from my MIL that she must know now (I am 33 weeks), what WEEK to take off so she can stay and 'help'.  I am sure I am no different than most here in saying, I can't stand her!  And definitely can't stand her and my FIL alone all day for a WEEK!  We think that this i coming out of jealousy of my mother.  When things like this were spoken about a few weeks ago, I had said that I wasn't going to be needing any help past my mother for a day or two, then my DH for a week alone and then my Mom back again for a few......the plan never included any overnights from my MIL and my FIL......

Is there a semi-gentle way of say that there is no way in hell you are coming to my home for a week to 'help'?

Re: MIL wants to stay and 'help' after baby is born...

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    " Thank you so much for your kind offer, but we have it covered." 
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    Yes.  Say that after the help already given by DH and a your Mom you just want to adjust to life with a newborn and see how it goes.  If you need help that you will definitely call for assistance but you really want to let the household settle.  On a side note we had a similar issue.  I didn't even have to resolve it DH (which he rarely does) stepped up and shut that idea down.  Reason being is that he didn't want to deal with a hormonal post labor wife because of some stupid ridiculous and offensive things his mother says. 

    ETA see below post but my MIL did come visit and then go home a couple times for the first two months.  I didn't shut her out completely.

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    I like my MIL and FIL. Do I want house guests right after I give birth? No. But I think its kind of mean to say you can't stand them. 

    That being said, I told my MIL that I just didn't think I could handle the stress of a newborn and house guests. She completely understood. She's had six kids herself. We arranged that after I've healed and the baby is about a month old they can come visit. She was totally fine with that. 

    It is their grandchild. They're excited.



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    I like the part where she needs to know now what week to take off.  (My FIL said the same thing, like we can predict when we'll have these LOs...but I digress)

    Just let her know that it may be too many people with your husband and your mom, and see if there is a weekend once the baby is older they could come "help"

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    I told my MIL that the most helpful week is the first one that I'm back at work. She can fuss over the baby but I don't have to hang out with her. She's not happy about waiting that long (six weeks), but that was the only option provided to her.
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    I like all the pp suggestions, but I just wanted to add that this is their grandbaby and no matter how much you can't stand them try to think about it from their perspective. How would you feel if your son was having a baby and your DIL told you she didn't need you to help, or that she didn't want your help?  Maybe they can stay somewhere else and come over during the day to help you cook, run errands, clean ect. 
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    klvklv member

    Do we have the same MIL?  My MIL has proclaimed that she will be arriving "within days of the birth" to "tell us what to do".  She will not schedule a weekend in which to visit like others in my family are doing and she is very upset that my mom will be coming to stay with us after the baby is born. 

    She is also the kind of person that needs to be entertained constantly.  I do not want to learn how to BF with her sitting right there watching.  She does not cook for herself so I cant imagine she will cook for us, and apart from her driving to our house, she refuses to drive anywhere while she is here.  She is also a bit crazy and can not have a rational conversation which is why we have not been able to reason with her.   Drives me UP THE WALL!!!

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    My MIL will be here for 6 weeks after I have the baby and I'm looking forward to it.  Even though my mom just lives a few blocks away, it's been my MIL who's come in from CA to take care of me (we're in the midwest), the house and the older kids.  She's not the type to make rude comments and I'm not the type to object to what she does or how she does things - whether it's reorganizing my pantry or cooking meals.  I don't mind that she wants to bathes and change the baby, heck I'll be doing it all the time after she's gone!  She doesn't over-step her boundaries either and is respectful as well.  She doesn't come and expect to be a "guest". 

    I realize everyones' personalities are different but as others suggested, find/offer other ways that she can help. 

     Good luck!

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    imagevalleycat108:

    We got a call from my MIL that she must know now (I am 33 weeks), what WEEK to take off so she can stay and 'help'.  I am sure I am no different than most here in saying, I can't stand her!  And definitely can't stand her and my FIL alone all day for a WEEK!  We think that this i coming out of jealousy of my mother.  When things like this were spoken about a few weeks ago, I had said that I wasn't going to be needing any help past my mother for a day or two, then my DH for a week alone and then my Mom back again for a few......the plan never included any overnights from my MIL and my FIL......

    Is there a semi-gentle way of say that there is no way in hell you are coming to my home for a week to 'help'?

    First: Confused.  No, I don't think most people here "can't stand" their mother-in-laws.  Generally, the vents sound like self-absorbed, bratty, daughter-in-laws.

    I don't, by any means, want my MIL moving in with me after our baby is born, but I can understand that she would be jealous if my mom was getting to stay with our new baby, and she wasn't.  You do realize it's just as much her grandchild too, right?

    Why don't you just thank her for offering, but say at this point, you don't think you'd be comfortable with the stress of added house guests?   Do they live out of state where they have to fly/drive far?  If they have the money, why not suggest they stay in a hotel, if they want to come, so they can be close if you need help, but you don't feel like you have to play hostess?

    Oh, and there was a woman a few weeks ago who came back after her baby had been born to admit she was eating her own words.  She had vented about not wanting her MIL to stay, and it ended up being the best thing for everyone.

    Try to look at things from your MIL's perspective and be thankful she is so excited about her new grandbaby arriving.

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    My MIL is planning on coming up right when the baby is born and staying for a a week or so to "help" as well.  I'd rather not have house guests and I don't know what her idea of "help" is yet, but like PP said... this is her grandchild and first at that, so I understand her excitement.  DH and I have discussed it and he knows that if I get overwhelmed, he's going to ask MIL to stay at a hotel or with my mom (who lives about 10 mins away).

    Maybe have your DH talk to his Mom.  Explain that you think you've got it covered, and she's welcome to come up once you're back at work to help with that adjustment, but if she wants to come earlier it may be best for her and your FIL to stay in a hotel so that you and your DH can adjust to having a new baby without the added stress of house guests. 

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    Nothing replaces a Mom to stay and help out. Mine is leaving in 10 minutes after being with us for 2! Notice I'm bumping cause I'm trying to keep busy and not cry.

    But, if I had my MIL AND FIL over I'd go crazy!!!! Especially to stay overnight. You can stay that you have a few weeks planned out already and were pretty set on that plan. After those few weeks, if she asks again say that you think you are pretty set and don't need the "help" 

    Better yet - have DH tell them... it's his parents : )

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    imageJNBrickey:

    First: Confused.  No, I don't think most people here "can't stand" their mother-in-laws.  Generally, the vents sound like self-absorbed, bratty, daughter-in-laws.

    I don't, by any means, want my MIL moving in with me after our baby is born, but I can understand that she would be jealous if my mom was getting to stay with our new baby, and she wasn't.  You do realize it's just as much her grandchild too, right?

    Why don't you just thank her for offering, but say at this point, you don't think you'd be comfortable with the stress of added house guests?   Do they live out of state where they have to fly/drive far?  If they have the money, why not suggest they stay in a hotel, if they want to come, so they can be close if you need help, but you don't feel like you have to play hostess?

    Oh, and there was a woman a few weeks ago who came back after her baby had been born to admit she was eating her own words.  She had vented about not wanting her MIL to stay, and it ended up being the best thing for everyone.

    Try to look at things from your MIL's perspective and be thankful she is so excited about her new grandbaby arriving.

    Ugh! Thank you. I don't even know why I open these MIL posts. I should know better.

    You're going to want the help. She is going to want to see her grandchild. She could very well be complaining to friends that she has to spend a week with her ungrateful DIL but its worth it to be able to help and spend time with her new grandbaby.

    Unless she has tried to breakup your marriage, burn down your house or calls weekly to tell you she hates you, I'm sure she isn't THAT bad. Take the help. 

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    My MIL is coming for a week and staying with us, I am looking forward to the help and having an adult to talk to during the day. 

    My mother lives close and I am sure will visit as often as she can, she has her own health issues and chemo kicks her butt...

    My Step MIL/FIL aren't coming until a few weeks after the baby, and I really could care less if she came, she can be a bit overwhelming, but I will deal with it since its FIL first grandbaby. 

     Good Luck! 

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    I'm sure she really just wants to come see the baby. Not saying she doesn't want to help you, but like others have said, it's her grand child, and I think she deserves a visit. However, she has to understand that asking which week to come is a little unreasonable, as there's no way for you to know when LO will come. You might have to tell her that her best bet is to just wait and see, and if that HAPPENS to shorten her visit, then you score a bonus. I do think you'll appreciate the help, though. If you're nervous that she might show up and not actually help, maybe you could try making a list of things that you'd like her to do while she's there (preparing meals, taking care of pets, doing laundry?) and going over it ahead of time with her to see if it suits her. That way, she feels like you DO want her there, but it also communicates that you expect her to earn her keep, haha.
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    I can't wait for my ILs to come help out after baby is born.  They are great with the grands, don't need directions for everything, and MIL take initiative to clean/cook/fold laundry without judgment.  I'm sad that they won't come within the first work because they don't want to be in the way.

    The only problem is see with your situation is that she wants to know ahead of time when your baby is coming.  Unless you have a c-section scheduled, you don't have any way of knowing that.  You could remind her of your due date and tell her that one week after that would probably be safe for a visit.

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    I agree with the whole, "don't be rude" thing, and it's a very sensitive subject, but I had a pretty rough time with my MIL when she came to stay after my first was born.  I was terribly hormonal, we don't know each other very well, my husband was working 14 hour days and she wasn't helping.  She would ask, "so, what are you making for dinner?" and "I was thinking about finding some shopping today, can I borrow your car?" and even making comments about how I hadn't dusted in a while.  She wasn't there to help, she just wanted to play with the baby but not change diapers (flat-out refused, acutally). It was really, really rough.  I was polite and just smiled and got through it.  She is coming again this time, but my husband is going to talk with her beforehand about what kind of help we will need so that there will be an understanding ahead of time. Good luck!
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    imageaugustjam16:
    imageJNBrickey:

    First: Confused.  No, I don't think most people here "can't stand" their mother-in-laws.  Generally, the vents sound like self-absorbed, bratty, daughter-in-laws.

    I don't, by any means, want my MIL moving in with me after our baby is born, but I can understand that she would be jealous if my mom was getting to stay with our new baby, and she wasn't.  You do realize it's just as much her grandchild too, right?

    Why don't you just thank her for offering, but say at this point, you don't think you'd be comfortable with the stress of added house guests?   Do they live out of state where they have to fly/drive far?  If they have the money, why not suggest they stay in a hotel, if they want to come, so they can be close if you need help, but you don't feel like you have to play hostess?

    Oh, and there was a woman a few weeks ago who came back after her baby had been born to admit she was eating her own words.  She had vented about not wanting her MIL to stay, and it ended up being the best thing for everyone.

    Try to look at things from your MIL's perspective and be thankful she is so excited about her new grandbaby arriving.

    Ugh! Thank you. I don't even know why I open these MIL posts. I should know better.

    You're going to want the help. She is going to want to see her grandchild. She could very well be complaining to friends that she has to spend a week with her ungrateful DIL but its worth it to be able to help and spend time with her new grandbaby.

    Unless she has tried to breakup your marriage, burn down your house or calls weekly to tell you she hates you, I'm sure she isn't THAT bad. Take the help. 

    Speaking from the experience of having a mother in law who has done two of three (called every other day for 6 months to say she hated me and has tried to break up my marriage by even hiring a private investigator because she was convinced I was cheating totally not true)  I truly envy the women who have great or even okay relationships with their ILs.   I typically stomach having my ILs around and included them in the post recovery process in small dosages.  However having them around for a week at my house would not have been acceptable.  Remember you may have post partum depression and a MIL who constantly oversteps their bounds does not help.  I did have PPD and even with her only coming up a couple of times a week for the first two months her comments truly did hurt me and DH for a very long time.  I'm just saying that some of the MIL vents are bratty but some are legit too.  I would just recommend evaluating what is more important to you OP and then going from there.  Is your MIL willing to stay in a hotel and just stop by to really help?  This seems to be a good compromise.  What does your DH say?

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    Wow!  Some of these posts sure are judgmental!  I guess the judgey ones are from people lucky enough to have decent MILs.  Mine is nuts.  Having her come to my house for a week would be beyond stressful.

    Since you don't know when the baby will be born or what to expect, I would ask if she could hold off on planning the trip until you know what you will need after LO is born.  She does need to meet her grandchild, and she might be more help than you think she's going to be.  Good luck! 

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    imagemmarsac:

    Wow!  Some of these posts sure are judgmental!  I guess the judgey ones are from people lucky enough to have decent MILs.  Mine is nuts.  Having her come to my house for a week would be beyond stressful.

    Since you don't know when the baby will be born or what to expect, I would ask if she could hold off on planning the trip until you know what you will need after LO is born.  She does need to meet her grandchild, and she might be more help than you think she's going to be.  Good luck! 

    I'm not trying to be judgmental. This was actually my FFFC last week. If we were to use TB as a cross section for analysis, I swear 92% of the MIL's in the world are certifiably insane. I have a hard time believing that there are that many batshitcrazy MIL's out there. I personally think a lot of it is just women not getting along with women. Looking for a reason to hate their MIL's and looking for trouble. These are our husbands mothers. Our children's grandmothers. They're excited and want to help. Not overgeneralizing, I'm sure there are legitimate crazies out there but the posts on here are just ridiculous sometimes.

    I completely get the jealously factor too. Mother's are the gatekeepers to the new baby and I get that the MIL would be jealous that she doesn't get the time that the other mother does. But the OP "hates her" so she gets to control how much time and when. Maybe the MIL deserves it but I'm finding more and more on here that women just don't like other women in their husband's lives.

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    imagedandi799:
    I agree with the whole, "don't be rude" thing, and it's a very sensitive subject, but I had a pretty rough time with my MIL when she came to stay after my first was born.  I was terribly hormonal, we don't know each other very well, my husband was working 14 hour days and she wasn't helping.  She would ask, "so, what are you making for dinner?" and "I was thinking about finding some shopping today, can I borrow your car?" and even making comments about how I hadn't dusted in a while.  She wasn't there to help, she just wanted to play with the baby but not change diapers (flat-out refused, acutally). It was really, really rough.  I was polite and just smiled and got through it.  She is coming again this time, but my husband is going to talk with her beforehand about what kind of help we will need so that there will be an understanding ahead of time. Good luck!

    That's why my MIL isn't invited until I'm back at work. We are at least lucky in that she made her plans clear ahead of time. There will be no cooking, cleaning, etc. She doesn't even do that for herself. She's always had a housekeeper and her parents did too. She will be there to play with the baby, dispense advice, and also hopes to "improve" our nursery decor. Period. If there are some evenings that neither DH nor I have the energy to make us all dinner, she will contribute towards her share of take-out, within reason. She does insist on staying in a hotel, at least. Our accommodations aren't up to snuff. Nice enough person, although we haven't spent that much time together due to geography, but not what I'm going to be able to deal with during the first couple weeks of physical recovery, baby completely aside.

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    I would tell her she could come over in the first couple days that way you can see how the IL's will actually behave.  Mine will be coming over for a short visit but no overnighters.  I do not dislike my MIL or FIL although our relationship has been rocky to say it politely but that doesn't change the fact that your whole family (if like mine) will be over there within the first week to "help" with the baby.  I had to flat out tell me Gma that there was no way in hell I could handle her plus aunts plus mom plus new baby!  In all reality this baby isn't just going to be at your home for a week or two it's there for life so asking anyone to give YOU bc it is your baby a little alone time or to stagger their visits isn't selfish or rude.  

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    I had this same issue. I told her, "Thank you. That is very sweet, but DH has decided he wants to take some time off to help with the baby. WE think we'll have it covered. Thank you again, and of course, family will always be our first call if we need anything."

    I think she was offended (because they always are when I have to speak to them.) but oh well. This is one time in my life, I don't want DH or I judged about how we hold the baby, feed it, put it to sleep, dress it, talk to it, or how clean my house is, or what I look like. 

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    imageaugustjam16:

    Ugh! Thank you. I don't even know why I open these MIL posts. I should know better.

    You're going to want the help. She is going to want to see her grandchild. She could very well be complaining to friends that she has to spend a week with her ungrateful DIL but its worth it to be able to help and spend time with her new grandbaby.

    Unless she has tried to breakup your marriage, burn down your house or calls weekly to tell you she hates you, I'm sure she isn't THAT bad. Take the help. 

    I'll just toss it out there -- not everyone wants or needs help. I didn't. I wanted to figure out breastfeeding/newborn care on my own, without getting feedback from either of our parents. We told everyone that visitors were more than welcome, but houseguests were not, so any out-of-town people stayed at hotels. No one had an issue with that.

    The OP shouldn't deny her in-laws the opportunity to meet and bond with their grandchild, but that doesn't mean she has to let them stay at her house. If she already has a rocky relationship with them, dealing with them while sleep-deprived and going through post-partum hormone changes is NOT going to make the situation better.

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    imageaugustjam16:
    imageJNBrickey:

    First: Confused.  No, I don't think most people here "can't stand" their mother-in-laws.  Generally, the vents sound like self-absorbed, bratty, daughter-in-laws.

    I don't, by any means, want my MIL moving in with me after our baby is born, but I can understand that she would be jealous if my mom was getting to stay with our new baby, and she wasn't.  You do realize it's just as much her grandchild too, right?

    Why don't you just thank her for offering, but say at this point, you don't think you'd be comfortable with the stress of added house guests?   Do they live out of state where they have to fly/drive far?  If they have the money, why not suggest they stay in a hotel, if they want to come, so they can be close if you need help, but you don't feel like you have to play hostess?

    Oh, and there was a woman a few weeks ago who came back after her baby had been born to admit she was eating her own words.  She had vented about not wanting her MIL to stay, and it ended up being the best thing for everyone.

    Try to look at things from your MIL's perspective and be thankful she is so excited about her new grandbaby arriving.

    Ugh! Thank you. I don't even know why I open these MIL posts. I should know better.

    You're going to want the help. She is going to want to see her grandchild. She could very well be complaining to friends that she has to spend a week with her ungrateful DIL but its worth it to be able to help and spend time with her new grandbaby.

    Unless she has tried to breakup your marriage, burn down your house or calls weekly to tell you she hates you, I'm sure she isn't THAT bad. Take the help. 

    Both of y'all get side-eyes from me. You sound like you know what this girl's MIL is like better than she herself knows. 

    Coming from someone who has BTDT with a difficult MIL, we did let her come stay for a week, "just to be fair," and it was the worst effing decision we made that first month. She did nothing but criticize our parenting and try hog the baby from me. She didn't cook, clean, run errands, do laundry, or any other helpful task while giving me a chance to bond with my infant. She did, however, constantly tell me that I wasn't eating enough, and suggested that she take the baby so that I could get up and make "us" lunch.

    Go with your gut, OP. Some MILs really aren't helpful and do a lot more damage than good.

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    I don't understand the snark on some of these responses. I don't think most sane DILs try to completely keep the MIL from the baby, no matter how much they don't see eye-to-eye. But in terms of the "help" that MIL is "offering" (or in my case, practically demanded until things went differently with my pre-e/5 weeks early/baby in NICU for two weeks)... for some people, the biggest help one can offer is space.

    Due to our circumstances (and then MIL's circumstances with her father's failing health), IL's have just come for day visits as opposed to MIL's stay-for-an-entire-week plan. She always does something helpful while here, whether washing our dozens of bottles and sanitizing them, doing a load of dishes, etc...which is VERY much appreciated. But there's no way we could both survive a week in the same house together, I think her only motivation was because she assumed my mom and sister were staying here (which they weren't). I'm a very private person and can't stand houseguests anyway - and hate socializing on no sleep - and MIL is very opinionated and controlling. I absolutely needed space after my pre-e/emergency c-section/two-week NICU ordeal. My BP still is in the pre-hypertensive range 10 weeks later.

    As far as my relationship with her, it's always been very rocky. And given how BIL finally has his first serious g/f, we're quickly learning that she just has a lot of trouble letting go of her boys as opposed to having anything personal against me. She's "always a victim" and I have good (and proven) reason to worry about every single conversation (no matter how inane) being twisted around and used against me in the future.

    All of that plus a postpartum hormonal self with a newborn would have been a recipe for absolute disaster. But I wouldn't keep her from visiting DD, just not overnight. And I do try to back off and be hands off and just let her enjoy when she is holding DD.

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    imagerssnlvr:
    imageaugustjam16:
    imageJNBrickey:

    First: Confused.  No, I don't think most people here "can't stand" their mother-in-laws.  Generally, the vents sound like self-absorbed, bratty, daughter-in-laws.

    I don't, by any means, want my MIL moving in with me after our baby is born, but I can understand that she would be jealous if my mom was getting to stay with our new baby, and she wasn't.  You do realize it's just as much her grandchild too, right?

    Why don't you just thank her for offering, but say at this point, you don't think you'd be comfortable with the stress of added house guests?   Do they live out of state where they have to fly/drive far?  If they have the money, why not suggest they stay in a hotel, if they want to come, so they can be close if you need help, but you don't feel like you have to play hostess?

    Oh, and there was a woman a few weeks ago who came back after her baby had been born to admit she was eating her own words.  She had vented about not wanting her MIL to stay, and it ended up being the best thing for everyone.

    Try to look at things from your MIL's perspective and be thankful she is so excited about her new grandbaby arriving.

    Ugh! Thank you. I don't even know why I open these MIL posts. I should know better.

    You're going to want the help. She is going to want to see her grandchild. She could very well be complaining to friends that she has to spend a week with her ungrateful DIL but its worth it to be able to help and spend time with her new grandbaby.

    Unless she has tried to breakup your marriage, burn down your house or calls weekly to tell you she hates you, I'm sure she isn't THAT bad. Take the help. 

    Both of y'all get side-eyes from me. You sound like you know what this girl's MIL is like better than she herself knows. 

    Coming from someone who has BTDT with a difficult MIL, we did let her come stay for a week, "just to be fair," and it was the worst effing decision we made that first month. She did nothing but criticize our parenting and try hog the baby from me. She didn't cook, clean, run errands, do laundry, or any other helpful task while giving me a chance to bond with my infant. She did, however, constantly tell me that I wasn't eating enough, and suggested that she take the baby so that I could get up and make "us" lunch.

    Go with your gut, OP. Some MILs really aren't helpful and do a lot more damage than good.

    I get the side-eye from you for rolling my eyes at her because she assumes most everyone on here "can't stand" their MIL?  I said in my post she shouldn't let her MIL stay with her if she isn't comfortable with it, but I can understand where she's coming from jealousy-wise if OP's mom gets to stay and she doesn't.

    My mom is coming to help out, if need be, when my husband goes back to work, but I won't ask my MIL too.  Doesn't mean I "can't stand" her.  I'm not doing anything "just to be fair" and wouldn't recommend that to anyone.  I'm much more comfortable with my own mom, than with my MIL.

    It was the over-generalization that we must all hate our MILs simply because they are our MILs that sounded silly in the OP.  She gave no indication her MIL was crazy.

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    imagemari_gold:
    imageaugustjam16:

    Ugh! Thank you. I don't even know why I open these MIL posts. I should know better.

    You're going to want the help. She is going to want to see her grandchild. She could very well be complaining to friends that she has to spend a week with her ungrateful DIL but its worth it to be able to help and spend time with her new grandbaby.

    Unless she has tried to breakup your marriage, burn down your house or calls weekly to tell you she hates you, I'm sure she isn't THAT bad. Take the help. 

    I'll just toss it out there -- not everyone wants or needs help. I didn't. I wanted to figure out breastfeeding/newborn care on my own, without getting feedback from either of our parents. We told everyone that visitors were more than welcome, but houseguests were not, so any out-of-town people stayed at hotels. No one had an issue with that.

    The OP shouldn't deny her in-laws the opportunity to meet and bond with their grandchild, but that doesn't mean she has to let them stay at her house. If she already has a rocky relationship with them, dealing with them while sleep-deprived and going through post-partum hormone changes is NOT going to make the situation better.

    You're absolutely right. I wasn't really responding to the part about her MIL staying there. It was just a general response about accepting help and giving the grandmother a chance to spend some time with her grandchild. Having her in the house for a week may be too much, again I wasn't really responding to that part.

    And I guess when I think "help" I don't necessarily think of help with learning how to take care of a baby. I think of an extra hand around the house to help out and maybe I can get a shower or a meal. Not necessarily to teach me how to be a mother. I shouldn't assume that is what she would do.

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    I agree with the idea of MIL staying at a hotel and maybe for only a few days instead of a whole week....perhaps try to schedule some down time when no one is visiting between birth and when she comes, that way you're not already overwhelmed from other visitors...

    that being said, I also agree with having a list of things prepared for what you need help with (I may not show her the list, that might make things awkward, but have a mental list of things you know you will need)....

    I know I'm going to have this conversation with my MIL.... she's really nice and sweet, but extremely opinionated especially about baby care... Unfortunately, MIL coming to our house is the only option for visitation with baby since (as mentioned on a PP) her house is nasty (dog poop on floor, over flowing litterboxes, capets that haven't seen a vacuum in years etc...), which also means I don't expect her to "help" much since she doesn't upkeep her house, cook, or anything else...so make sure when you make your list you're realistic about the kinds of things you ask her to do otherwise you'll probably be sorely disappointed...

    HTH even though most of it was repetitive of PPs.... GL!

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    imageJNBrickey:
    imagevalleycat108:

    We got a call from my MIL that she must know now (I am 33 weeks), what WEEK to take off so she can stay and 'help'.  I am sure I am no different than most here in saying, I can't stand her!  And definitely can't stand her and my FIL alone all day for a WEEK!  We think that this i coming out of jealousy of my mother.  When things like this were spoken about a few weeks ago, I had said that I wasn't going to be needing any help past my mother for a day or two, then my DH for a week alone and then my Mom back again for a few......the plan never included any overnights from my MIL and my FIL......

    Is there a semi-gentle way of say that there is no way in hell you are coming to my home for a week to 'help'?

    First: Confused.  No, I don't think most people here "can't stand" their mother-in-laws.  Generally, the vents sound like self-absorbed, bratty, daughter-in-laws.

    I don't, by any means, want my MIL moving in with me after our baby is born, but I can understand that she would be jealous if my mom was getting to stay with our new baby, and she wasn't.  You do realize it's just as much her grandchild too, right?

    Why don't you just thank her for offering, but say at this point, you don't think you'd be comfortable with the stress of added house guests?   Do they live out of state where they have to fly/drive far?  If they have the money, why not suggest they stay in a hotel, if they want to come, so they can be close if you need help, but you don't feel like you have to play hostess?

    Oh, and there was a woman a few weeks ago who came back after her baby had been born to admit she was eating her own words.  She had vented about not wanting her MIL to stay, and it ended up being the best thing for everyone.

    Try to look at things from your MIL's perspective and be thankful she is so excited about her new grandbaby arriving.

     

    AGREED

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    imagekristennd:
    I told my MIL that the most helpful week is the first one that I'm back at work. She can fuss over the baby but I don't have to hang out with her. She's not happy about waiting that long (six weeks), but that was the only option provided to her.

     

    I agree!  i definately don't want live-in house guests the first few weeks!!  Yeah it would be great for people to stop by in the day and cook, do laundry, clean up after me, but to stay over night...  I don't think I'll want anyone's advice when I'm up crying at 3 am trying to feed a baby that won't latch or just trying to have a moment alone with baby and DH.  But once we have adjusted to baby it would probably be helpful to have an extra person when I'm trying to adjust to going back to work!!!  My husband's parents are from OOT so I'm likely going to have to deal with this one too :( and we have an apartment :(

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