I find myself grilling MoMs of same sex "frats" & it's annoying

leviandlandensmom

I see other MoMs IRL who have same sex twins and when they tell me they're fraternal I always ask them how they know for sure they are. 99% of the time they tell me it's because they were di/di. I tell them mine were di/di and are identical and they should get them tested, blah blah blah. Is that rude?

lgurian

no. i wouldnt have known to get them tested if it werent for this board. my dr's said, 'oh they are most likely fraternal' but never explained any further then that. it really blows my mind what drs DONT tell you.  

violaplayer

I usually say they are fraternal. They were di/di and don't look alike other than being super cute!

#6

I think its different coming from another MoM.  I wouldnt think its rude of another MoM asking me similar questions.

tSquared1987

Coming from another MoM I wouldn't find it rude. Now if some random person who doesn't have multiples but their friends cousins aunt's daughter is a twin tried telling me this, I'd probably think it was.

macchiatto

Lucky*Ducky:

I think its different coming from another MoM.  I wouldnt think its rude of another MoM asking me similar questions.

Ditto this.

Though if anyone looked at my di/di twins and said I really should get them DNA-tested, I would just laugh.

srh08.05.06

macchiatto:

Lucky*Ducky:

I think its different coming from another MoM.  I wouldnt think its rude of another MoM asking me similar questions.

Ditto this.

Though if anyone looked at my di/di twins and said I really should get them DNA-tested, I would just laugh.

This exactly since my girls have different color eyes and hair

Haven1

Is it rude?  Yes.

Aside from looking nothing alike, I "know" they're fraternal because I took a bunch of fertility drugs and triggered with multiple eggs.  The last thing I want to do is have to get into my IF journey with a stranger to defend myself. 

Especially with a fellow MoM who should know better.  Particularly one (and I say this with love), who's been pregnant at least four more times than me and I assume didn't have an IF journey.

 

atc282

I personally wouldn't "grill" another MoM about whether or not her children are frat or ID. If the conversation lent itself, I might say something like "yeah, we were shocked to find out ours were ID after we got them tested..." (mine are frat but just saying hypothetically) and then if they wanted to inquire more/ask your opinion, give it.

I had the reverse happen at Kroger--a lady insisted that my girls were ID (a: didn't know her from Adam, b: my girls have different blood types, c: they have diff. eye color & hair color). She said I should have that test done. I wasn't "offended" but still....

 

 

psyck

Yes, I think it's rude. Who are you to tell me that I should get my children tested. If we choose to get the test, that's our decision. I don't need some random person grilling me about my choice.

adoubleu12

I do not think it is rude, it is only your opinion....I for one have no idea at this point if my girls are identical or fraternal.  I 'think' that they are fraternal because they have different body type, and I can tell them apart easily.  But all other people think that they are identical at first glance because they have the same facial features.  I do plan on doing a DNA test AFTER their eyes change, since DH has brown eyes and I have green eyes, I want to see first if they develope a different eye color..because then we would know they were fraternal....I don't really see what the big deal is about the DNA test..You are just speakin from experience! people should understand that...

leviandlandensmom

lgurian:

no. i wouldnt have known to get them tested if it werent for this board. my dr's said, 'oh they are most likely fraternal' but never explained any further then that. it really blows my mind what drs DONT tell you.  

This is why I mentioned it. I also would never have known to get them tested and I'm so glad this board is here and I found out otherwise we would have always assumed they were fraternal. Oh and I've only ever done it twice and it was because their kids looked identical. It was ladies I knew too. I'd never do it to a stranger, that would be just as bad as random people asking me personal questions about my kids and my life.

leviandlandensmom

Haven1:

Is it rude?  Yes.

Aside from looking nothing alike, I "know" they're fraternal because I took a bunch of fertility drugs and triggered with multiple eggs.  The last thing I want to do is have to get into my IF journey with a stranger to defend myself. 

Especially with a fellow MoM who should know better.  Particularly one (and I say this with love), who's been pregnant at least four more times than me and I assume didn't have an IF journey.

 

I should have clarified in the OP how it all came about. It wasn't strangers I was mentioning it too and I guess I shouldn't have said "grilling", that made it sound like I was being pushy which I wasn't.

I haven't had IF problems (obviously); I've had life problems. My life story is worthy of a good crime novel or a lifetime movie but I won't get into that We all have our struggles. Mine just had nothing to do with getting pregnant.

psyck

Well, since you posted this, it does make me think differently. If it were strangers, yes I still think it is rude. Now if you're telling someone about your experience and why you got your twins tested, I'd be more likely to listen. But yeah, the mental image of being grilled was what made me say it was rude. Now that you've clarified, it makes more sense.

Temp6313048411121614

Mine are fraternal.  They have different blood types for 1, they have different eye colors, different ears, different mouths, different hair lines, different noses, and different head shapes.  I used to have people ask me if they were ID, but haven't in a long while.

veronicacorningstone

Hmmm, I'm not sure if mine are fraternal, should I get them tested?  lol.

OP, now that you clarified things, I don't think it's rude, as long as you're not being the pushy, in your face know-it-all.  Obviously, if a fellow twin mom came up and started talking with me, I'd definitely be more open to listening to her and if my twins did look alike, I would appreciate being told there was a chance they could be ID.