Non clicky poll about CIO

canthardlywait426

I am notorious for not letting DS CIO. Having said that, DH is, but won't let him CIO when he's around me. Anyways. Yesterday was a nightmare and Cooper was awake for 8 hours and was incredibly over tired. Screaming, thrashing, the works. DH told me to just put him in his crib and let him cry himself to sleep. So here's where your opinions come in.

If your child was over tired and screaming would you put them in their crib to let them cry themselves to sleep if you had already exhausted ALL other options? If so, for how long. If not, why.

On a side note, please no flames to anyone else in this post. It's strictly an opinion and I don't want an argument started between everyone! Friendly poll, friendly discussion!

Nicole0012

I might try it, just to see if it worked. We've put Miles down, letting him cry it out before, and he found his thumb and fell asleep within 10 minutes. I'm not sure if he's just easily satisfied, but I'm glad I tried it because it's another option. I'm not sure I'd let him cry much longer than 10-15 minutes though.

LovesMM

I would try it. I might start at 5 minutes, go in try to soothe/feed/change (meet the basic needs) and if that doesn't work do it again and possibly stretch it to 7 minutes. Wash rinse and repeat gradually increasing but NOT going over 10 minutes. If it hasn't work doing this for an hour then I would honestly call in the reinforcements because I know, personally, I'd be at my wits end and it would drive me to the brink of madness.

canthardlywait426

LovesMM:

I would try it. I might start at 5 minutes, go in try to soothe/feed/change (meet the basic needs) and if that doesn't work do it again and possibly stretch it to 7 minutes. Wash rinse and repeat gradually increasing but NOT going over 10 minutes. If it hasn't work doing this for an hour then I would honestly call in the reinforcements because I know, personally, I'd be at my wits end and it would drive me to the brink of madness.

I basically did this yesterday and finally called DH hysterically crying because I felt defeated.

jillybean800

LovesMM:

I would try it. I might start at 5 minutes, go in try to soothe/feed/change (meet the basic needs) and if that doesn't work do it again and possibly stretch it to 7 minutes. Wash rinse and repeat gradually increasing but NOT going over 10 minutes. If it hasn't work doing this for an hour then I would honestly call in the reinforcements because I know, personally, I'd be at my wits end and it would drive me to the brink of madness.

I'd probably do exactly this.  I wouldn't do over ten, but I do think that sometimes babies need to chill out without a parent stimulating them.  Five minutes alone might be just what the doctor ordered.

CFH79

I'd be willing to try it for 5 min or so. I'm on the verge of trying this overnight to see if she can soothe herself back to sleep. She currently sttn or wakes up once, usually for paci replacement. Since we've quit swaddling and she loves her hand, I'm thinking she might be able to self soothe back to sleep. But she's still at the tail end of RSV and I want to see if being sick has changed her sleeping patterns or if we have trouble putting her back in the crib--she's been sleeping elevated in the RnP.

thatgirl85

I had a similar night last week.  Alec had been up for 6 hours and was overly tired.  I couldn't console him, so instead, I started our bedtime routine.  He cried through his diaper change, pj's, and swaddling (he loves all of these).  I can usually calm him down and console him just by holding him and pacing the floor, but this was doing nothing.  I finally put him in his crib still crying, with a 5 minute time limit in mind.  He cried for not even 2 minutes and then fell right asleep.  I think in a situation where your child is just over tired, there's not much else you can do. 

babyonthebrain2010

yes, I'd definitely try it if it's a situation where you know LO is just overly tired and you're reasonably sure they aren't hungry, dirty or in pain.  I don't know that I'd go over 5 minutes and I'd pay close attention to the cries and if they just continued to escalate I'd go in earlier.  with E the few times we've had to let him it's been more of a fuss-it-out because if/when he actually screams I go to pick him up.. I think it's because he is generally such a happy baby that I feel like he doesn't just scream for no reason, if that makes sense.

canthardlywait426

With Cooper yesterday I had already fed and changed him and we were seriously at 8 hours awake with one 20 minute nap. Nothing I could do (swaddling, bouncing, walk outside, car ride, etc) was working and he was screaming at the top of his lungs. He was sweating he was screaming so loudly. I am not a CIO kinda mom- more for my sake than his. But I did as DH said and let him cry in his crib and he passed out for 3 hours. After texting Juliet and flgirl about 1936741553 times about the situation thru finally made me feel better about doing it. I just felt awful. Like a dagger to the heart. But it was clearly what Cooper needed.

OhSewCrafty

I need to post and run to a meeting, but I just wanted to say that I finally broke down started doing a "five minute fussy" (I don't like calling it CIO) and it has worked WONDERS. It may be a complete coincidence, but Charlie goes to sleep faster than if I was rocking him and sleeps longer. Basically, we just give him five minutes to fuss it out. If he is still crying at five minutes, we rock him for a few, then when he's calm put him back. So far, its only taken the first five minutes for him to fall asleep!

Good luck, CHW. Hang in there!!

MrsTechie

No, I wouldn't.

Wyatt can cry himself to sleep in my arms but I will never set him down with the intent to let him exhaust himself crying.

babyonthebrain2010

canthardlywait426:

With Cooper yesterday I had already fed and changed him and we were seriously at 8 hours awake with one 20 minute nap. Nothing I could do (swaddling, bouncing, walk outside, car ride, etc) was working and he was screaming at the top of his lungs. He was sweating he was screaming so loudly. I am not a CIO kinda mom- more for my sake than his. But I did as DH said and let him cry in his crib and he passed out for 3 hours. After texting Juliet and flgirl about 1936741553 times about the situation thru finally made me feel better about doing it. I just felt awful. Like a dagger to the heart. But it was clearly what Cooper needed.

girrrrl, what phone plan are you all on?!    it sounds like you did the right thing, if you ask me

canthardlywait426

babyonthebrain2010:

canthardlywait426:

With Cooper yesterday I had already fed and changed him and we were seriously at 8 hours awake with one 20 minute nap. Nothing I could do (swaddling, bouncing, walk outside, car ride, etc) was working and he was screaming at the top of his lungs. He was sweating he was screaming so loudly. I am not a CIO kinda mom- more for my sake than his. But I did as DH said and let him cry in his crib and he passed out for 3 hours. After texting Juliet and flgirl about 1936741553 times about the situation thru finally made me feel better about doing it. I just felt awful. Like a dagger to the heart. But it was clearly what Cooper needed.

girrrrl, what phone plan are you all on?!    it sounds like you did the right thing, if you ask me

One that has unlimited texts.. Haha.

futureCLJ

OhSewCrafty:

I need to post and run to a meeting, but I just wanted to say that I finally broke down started doing a "five minute fussy" (I don't like calling it CIO) and it has worked WONDERS. It may be a complete coincidence, but Charlie goes to sleep faster than if I was rocking him and sleeps longer. Basically, we just give him five minutes to fuss it out. If he is still crying at five minutes, we rock him for a few, then when he's calm put him back. So far, its only taken the first five minutes for him to fall asleep!

Good luck, CHW. Hang in there!!

everything she said....

abovewedding

At that point, yes we've tried it. There have been times when Keaton has nursed, swaddled, rocked, walked, sang to etc and he's still crying. Gripe water..nothing. Sometimes he'll be alseep until we put him down and then he'll fuss and wake up. In that case we've let him cry for a few minutes and he's fallen asleep.

Now, if he cries for 2-5 minutes and it gets louder and he's more upeset? Then we go in and I'll nurse him and usually just that crying has tired him out and he'll respond better to whatever methods we're trying. 

Our "CIO" is only when we've tried everything and his crying is isn't redfaced, stop breathing crying and we'll let him cry if there's pauses and you can tell he's starting to get tired. He does this in his swing a lot when you put him in he hates it but after a few minutes he'll slow down and then fall asleep. 

slwprincess

With DS, I couldn't bring myself to try CIO until he was well over 8 or 9 mos old.  But now that I know that it works and it doesn't cause any harm, I think we will be starting sleep training around 6 mos with DD.  I don't think I could do it any earlier than that- but that's mostly b/c her cries = letdown for me!  With DS, I realized that there are times when DS is definitely tired, even exhausted, but still full of energy.  Basically, the only way to get that energy out is to cry.  Sounds harsh, I know... and those of you first timers probably won't understand what I mean for a long time.  But he is 3 now and still can't always communicate exactly what he's feeling and how frustrated he is.  Sometimes crying just helps him get out those emotions and then he can sleep peacefully.  And I should also mention that he is still one of the best sleepers in the world.  3 years old and will still nap for 2-4 hours everyday.  So yeah, CIO works for us. 

Lilystar82

LovesMM:

I would try it. I might start at 5 minutes, go in try to soothe/feed/change (meet the basic needs) and if that doesn't work do it again and possibly stretch it to 7 minutes. Wash rinse and repeat gradually increasing but NOT going over 10 minutes. If it hasn't work doing this for an hour then I would honestly call in the reinforcements because I know, personally, I'd be at my wits end and it would drive me to the brink of madness.

I would do exactly this.

JulietL129

Hun, please don't feel mommy guilt in this situation. You did what was best for you and Coop and I could tell that by what you were texting me. No one can say what they would or wouldn't do until they're in your shoes. I would love to see some people handle everything you have on your plate with the composure and grace that you do. You do what you feel is best and in that situation, it really was best. And this is coming from a non-fan of CIO- but I can also put my personal feelings aside to see a bigger picture when there is one. Letting him cry for 5-10 minutes safely in his crib is better than the stress of him crying for another hour or two in your face or you hitting your breaking point. You are such a good Mom and everything you do is for that little boy, please don't feel bad about this. He's not going to grow up to be the next Ted Bundy because you let him cry for 10 minutes, promise.

JulietL129

canthardlywait426:

babyonthebrain2010:

canthardlywait426:

With Cooper yesterday I had already fed and changed him and we were seriously at 8 hours awake with one 20 minute nap. Nothing I could do (swaddling, bouncing, walk outside, car ride, etc) was working and he was screaming at the top of his lungs. He was sweating he was screaming so loudly. I am not a CIO kinda mom- more for my sake than his. But I did as DH said and let him cry in his crib and he passed out for 3 hours. After texting Juliet and flgirl about 1936741553 times about the situation thru finally made me feel better about doing it. I just felt awful. Like a dagger to the heart. But it was clearly what Cooper needed.

girrrrl, what phone plan are you all on?!    it sounds like you did the right thing, if you ask me

One that has unlimited texts.. Haha.

Lol, me too :-P

LovesMM

flgirl79:

canthardlywait426:

babyonthebrain2010:

canthardlywait426:

With Cooper yesterday I had already fed and changed him and we were seriously at 8 hours awake with one 20 minute nap. Nothing I could do (swaddling, bouncing, walk outside, car ride, etc) was working and he was screaming at the top of his lungs. He was sweating he was screaming so loudly. I am not a CIO kinda mom- more for my sake than his. But I did as DH said and let him cry in his crib and he passed out for 3 hours. After texting Juliet and flgirl about 1936741553 times about the situation thru finally made me feel better about doing it. I just felt awful. Like a dagger to the heart. But it was clearly what Cooper needed.

girrrrl, what phone plan are you all on?!    it sounds like you did the right thing, if you ask me

One that has unlimited texts.. Haha.

Yeah, after I started talking to CHW outside of TB, I had to upgrade our plan to unlimited texts.

 

 

Me too!!! Love ya CHW

canthardlywait426

LovesMM:

flgirl79:

canthardlywait426:

babyonthebrain2010:

canthardlywait426:

With Cooper yesterday I had already fed and changed him and we were seriously at 8 hours awake with one 20 minute nap. Nothing I could do (swaddling, bouncing, walk outside, car ride, etc) was working and he was screaming at the top of his lungs. He was sweating he was screaming so loudly. I am not a CIO kinda mom- more for my sake than his. But I did as DH said and let him cry in his crib and he passed out for 3 hours. After texting Juliet and flgirl about 1936741553 times about the situation thru finally made me feel better about doing it. I just felt awful. Like a dagger to the heart. But it was clearly what Cooper needed.

girrrrl, what phone plan are you all on?!    it sounds like you did the right thing, if you ask me

One that has unlimited texts.. Haha.

Yeah, after I started talking to CHW outside of TB, I had to upgrade our plan to unlimited texts.

 

 

Me too!!! Love ya CHW

Ok, so are y'all saying I text you too much?!?!? Me?!?!?

MrsTechie

JulietL129:

Hun, please don't feel mommy guilt in this situation. You did what was best for you and Coop and I could tell that by what you were texting me. No one can say what they would or wouldn't do until they're in your shoes. I would love to see some people handle everything you have on your plate with the composure and grace that you do. You do what you feel is best and in that situation, it really was best. And this is coming from a non-fan of CIO- but I can also put my personal feelings aside to see a bigger picture when there is one. Letting him cry for 5-10 minutes safely in his crib is better than the stress of him crying for another hour or two in your face or you hitting your breaking point. You are such a good Mom and everything you do is for that little boy, please don't feel bad about this. He's not going to grow up to be the next Ted Bundy because you let him cry for 10 minutes, promise.

What she said.

I may never let Wyatt CIO, but he's a totally different baby than Cooper with different needs. Wyatt is a super clingy, totally attached baby. Being alone just escalates his issues and alwasy has. Cooper isn't like that and you obviously gave him exactly what he needed, which is what a mom's job is. Never feel bad about doing the right thing for your baby.

Also, and I know you'll understand this reference, NO kid is "adorable" after 5+ hrs awake and screaming. Ever.

lulu3061

No, I can't do CIO.  I don't think that it really works at this age but I don't think I would do it even later on, it hurts me to hear him cry.  Even if I just had to lay him down on my bed and lay next to him while he cried I would feel better about that than just letting him cry all by himself in his crib. 

I saw a quote on another board about CIO and I thought it was both funny and totally true:  baby's instinct is to not ever be alone.  it's ensured the survival of the human species for eons, it's a pretty good instinct.  if you are with mom, be quiet and sleep a lot but if mom leaves you behind, scream your head off cause mom might have gotten eaten by a bear so you need to alert another human to come find you and keep you safe.

Gr8ful_m0m

manda2814:

Honestly, if she's been fed, has a clean nappy etc, I've tried everything else and nothing is working, then yes, I'd put her in her cot for 5 minutes. If after 5 minutes she's still crying, then I'd go back in and pat her/rock her and put her down again. I sometimes think that all the calming methods can just overstimulate an already overly tired baby and a few minutes alone is what they need.

this exactly. sometimes she is just overstimulated and needs to stare at the wall or the ceiling to calm down. I wont let it happen for more than a couple minutes....but sometimes it is necessary. 

Angeldcf

We've both been to the point where we needed to walk away for a moment.  LO was inconsolable.  He cried for 2 mins (I watched the clock) and was then completely asleep.  Works well for us.

Chick7806

I would do everything I could to get her comfortable and then walk away and maybe let her CIO for five minutes or so. Tough call though.

lulu3061

I just wanted to add that you should definitely not feel bad about trying CIO with Cooper.  You've done everything you can to try to soothe him, some babies have a tougher time of that than others and you shouldn't feel bad or guilty for trying it.  My opinion in my previous post is about A who doesn't cry unless something is very wrong so CIO would not work for us.

*Hugs* 

heyitsme

No, I wouldn't. DS has had times like that, and yes, the thought is tempting... but I just can't. He's a really easy baby to get to sleep most of the time, so when he's really out-of-sorts like that, I just can't let him cry... I just keep working to try and figure out what will help him settle down. And eventually I figure it out.

PGASTL

Yes, I have let LO cry for a few minutes if she is clean, fed, etc. She is the kind of baby that is SO interested in what's going on and I think she gets overstimulated very easily. It's almost like she needs to cry (whether I'm holding her or not) to wind down. In fact, me holding her seems to make her crying WORSE - like she's saying "Moooom, I am exhausted, put me to bed, please!!!"

This technique is not for everyone, but it is for some people, including me. When LO cries for a few minutes (literally 3-5), she has been known to sleep NINE HOURS and wake up smiling and happy... It's our job as parents to decide what is best for our LO's and sometimes nine hours of sleep is what they need versus endless rocking, patting, nursing, shh-ing, and basically adding to the overstimulation.

lilmgirl

JulietL129:

Hun, please don't feel mommy guilt in this situation. You did what was best for you and Coop and I could tell that by what you were texting me. No one can say what they would or wouldn't do until they're in your shoes. I would love to see some people handle everything you have on your plate with the composure and grace that you do. You do what you feel is best and in that situation, it really was best. And this is coming from a non-fan of CIO- but I can also put my personal feelings aside to see a bigger picture when there is one. Letting him cry for 5-10 minutes safely in his crib is better than the stress of him crying for another hour or two in your face or you hitting your breaking point. You are such a good Mom and everything you do is for that little boy, please don't feel bad about this. He's not going to grow up to be the next Ted Bundy because you let him cry for 10 minutes, promise.

Big fat dittos.

Normally Kamikaze goes down easy for bedtime, but not last night.  We did everything we could and then we put him down and set a limit of 5 mins.  He fell asleep within 2.

GavsMomAlready+Newbie

Not exactly. I think you did the right thing for you, but I do a modified CIO. (I think?) 

With Annelise if I can't figure out what is wrong with her, and she has been screaming for a long time, I'll give her a half dose of tylenol figuring she is probably in pain. -This has happened two times since birth.- Then after about fifteen minutes I swaddle her nice and snug, give her her wubanub, and lay her in her crib. But at this point she will stop crying if her paci is in her mouth. So I stand by her crib making the "shhhhhhhhh" noise where she can't see me. If she spits out her paci, only then do I touch her to put it back in her mouth. She is out in minutes.

[Deleted User]

P does that sometimes.  She went go for 6+ hours without sleeping several days on a nap strike a few weeks ago.  It sucked.  We tried EVERYTHING.  Walked her around, shhh'd her, put her in the swing, drove her around.  And dangit if that little turkey didn't just stay awake for that 40 min drive! 

In the end, we just tried our best & did end up letting her WIO (whine it out) when we were frustrated and eventually let her cry in her PnP at night.  We did have a consensus that the when she started getting worked up, we'd get her though.  It sucked.  I hate having LO cry, but it was just out of frustration & exhaustion on her part, and with no other option & an intervention plan we OK'd it here.  

Definitely NOT something I would do just to put her to bed every night though.  Ack, it's kill me to hear that more than necessary.  

tiffanyp

MrsTechie:

No, I wouldn't.

Wyatt can cry himself to sleep in my arms but I will never set him down with the intent to let him exhaust himself crying.

 This - although it's never taken me more than a few minutes to calm her down, so I can't say 100% what I would do in the situation.