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Parenting
shopgirl78
member
Would you allow your DD to sleep in the same bed as her grandfather?
shopgirl78
member
in Parenting
Step FIL (MIL's current H) just visited on the way to FL and he told DD he come spend the night with her and he meant in the SAME bed, luckily he feel asleep on the couch. He called on his way back and asked me to ask DD if he could go come sleep with her. He changed his mind when he found out my mother is here--its too crowded. (We have no extra bedrooms). I let DD spend the night with MIL and him when they rent a hotel here. They've been married for 10 years but I don't feel like I know him that well. (I am not a big MIL fan anyway). FIL is pretentious and not the friendliest guy. I think he just tolerates us. He also tries to kiss DD on the lips- also weirds me out. (MIL kisses on the lips too). I am guessing its normal in some families but not with me. Luckily, he rarely visits without MIL. Am I a prude too?
ETA: If it was my father, I wouldn't have any qualms.
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Re: Would you allow your DD to sleep in the same bed as her grandfather?
HAYL fvcking NO.
Never ever ever.
Kaden William 11/4/06 and Dawson Michael 6/30/10
Dawson's first birthday - at the zoo
My father would never ask to sleep with DD but it would weird me out less.
If he does come down again, how do you say now without coming off too rude? If it comes up in an email convo, I might just spell it out there...
I would not be comfortable with that at all.
what the funk? why is this a question? keep your kid away from him.
My kids sleep with my parents. Usually 1-2 kids with my step-mom on the pull out sofa, 1-2 kids with my dad on an air mattress. They think it's a blast that Mamaw/Papaw ditch their own bed for sleepovers. I have absolutely zero concerns.
My FIL? No way in helll. My MIL wants B & N to spend the night. There is no way. B does not want to, I can't guarantee my BIL won't be there, and B doesn't know how to call me if he needs me - and I think IL's wouldn't call if he got upset....it would be "oh, you're fine, we'll call in the morning" or she would pretend to call and tell him we're not home/answering. DH is going to have to figure out what to tell her before this weekend about them not spending the night...she keeps implying it and I've just ignored the comments.
Annelise 3.22.2007 Norah 10.24.2009 Amelia 8.7.2011
My parents have a guest room that DD stays in when she stays over. However, my mom will often fall asleep next to DD. Doesn't bother me. They have trains come by their house, and I think that she sometimes needs comforting during the night because of that. So, if she was scared and my step dad needed to sleep in there with here, I wouldn't think twice about it. I would bet that he would sleep on top of the covers, etc.
He would never just have her sleep in their bed though.
I wouldn't say he was fixated. He asked once on the way to FL and on the way back. Nonetheless, yes, I am still weirded out with no other reasons not to be... We do not have extra bedrooms. My mom is sleeping in DD's room now and DD is sleeping in ours. My mom doesn't like sleeping with DD as she is a tosser.
Yes, that's what I was thinking as well.
THIS.
There is one neighbor of my parents who is friendly with them, comes over for dinner every so often, hangs out with them, etc. He is nice, kind, watches their dog, whatever, but I have told my mom I don't like him. Nothing weird I've seen, just a gut feeling that I would never let my kids hang out with him out of my eyesight. I kind of apologized, since it's based on absolutely nothing, but she said no worries, I have to do what feels right to me.
Nope.
ETA and my gut feeling on him, with what you described? ?Not a good one.
Even bringing it up twice - I find that odd. I don't have a problem if DS were to sleep in the same bed as my parents, but if it ever happened, I know it would be a more natural series of events that led to that. Probably him being older and SAYING "I want to sleep w/ you!".
your step-FIL asking to do it, and twice, is weird.
And what to say? I'd just say "Oh- we need for her to sleep in her own bed. We've had problems in the past w/ her sleeping elsewhere and then thinking that was the norm. we need to be consistent w/ where she sleeps."
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Me? It depends on which grandfather. My step father or father? In a heartbeat, no questions asked. I slept in the same bed as my grandfather a few times when his house was too full at Christmas. No problems.
My FIL? No way in hell, but that's because he abused his kids and (the least of which) he's huge and sleeps like a log and wouldn't notice if he rolled over on the kids.
If he makes you uncomfortable for some reason, just say no. I wouldn't add the kissing in that category - it IS just something some people do.
ETA: This is something that I would allow only if it was necessary or if my kids asked to. If my parents or DH's parents were asking/insisting, I would think it was weird and say no.
It creeps me out to think of my kids sleeping with either set of grandparents. and we're big cosleepers. My 2.5 year old slept by herself for the first time in her little life last night.
no effing way.
I think that he does it to make MIL jealous. Not making excuses for him because yes, it still creeps me out. My kids are not very close with these IL's. No doubt, MIL would like a better relationship. (They have two sets as "real" FIL is remarried.) For some reason, its always uncomfortable when they visit. They don't like kid activities. They don't like rowdy kids. They sit on my couch and redirect my kids behavior all.day.long (when my kids are just excited about visitors) and they make up rules at my house. MH is often gone because he runs his own business and *I* get to put up with them. Then coming up with a dinner plan is always a PITA. Luckily, they don't visit often (every 6 months or so). We hardly ever go there due to DH's work schedule. They generally always stay in a hotel but know I am even questioning as to whether DD should spend the night there (they get two doubles), maybe I should start sending Nathan but he's not that type of kid (introverted but better if his sister is around) and MIL isn't they type to call if there is an issue (crying)....I feel likey they are already alientated and this would just make it and our relationship with them worse...but I know I have to focus on what's best for my child(ren). My the other two sets of grandparents have awesome relationships with my kids.
My parents will often lay down with the kids when they spend the night at their house if the kids need a little extra comfort. But what you're describing would make me uncomfortable too.
My kids have both slept with my Dad but because of night wakings, etc.
If your gut tells you no, then go with your gut.