what's the deal with people not rsvp'ing

SSILVEIRA

My shower is this week and we set the rsvp deadline to today March 14th.  There are a bunch of people that haven't rsvp'd -- I think it is rude, some of them are good friends that I have gone on trips with too.  My MIL is hosting but I decided I wanted to be in charge of the invites and guest list.  I purchased some really nice customer invitations and even took the time to put cute stickers all over the damn envelopes. Also, guests can rsvp on a website, so they don't even have to talk to anyone in person. 

I dont' care about getting presents -- it's just the principle to me. I think it is rude to not even say "hey I'm sorry I can't make it.'  Lie to me, I don't care, just at least have some common courtesy and get a response in.

It pisses me off because I always attend these peoples events!  And I rs freaking vp!!

Also, if some of them don't show up it is going to be really ackward the next time I see them at a social event.  How have any of you ladies handled a situation like getting invited to one of their parties after they failed to rsvp or show to you baby shower?

Corts

Did you happen to mail them with your return address? Or your MIL's?

SSILVEIRA

oh yes, one got returned due to a mistake in address, but I resent.  I gave people 5 weeks notice too.

Corts

There is your problem then....everyone assumes you are hosting it yourself & being greedy.

SSILVEIRA

Uh ok, what makes you think this?  Did I give you the details on what the wording on the invatition is?  The return address is my MIL address, the invite says the hosts are my MIL and my cousin.  People don't think I am hosting this shower.

did you not read the post?I said I didn't care about presents, it is the priciple of the sitution.  Geez, you come on this blog for some advice and you run into some really rude and ignorant people. 

 My god, you are so rude.

 

 

 

Corts

You misunderstood me. I asked if your address was on the return area on the envelopes. The answer you provided made it seem that it was. I was just saying....if someone got an invite for a baby shower and the return address was that of the guest of honor, it would look strange (regardless of what the invite itself said) and seem that you were hosting your own shower.

Relax a little.

SSILVEIRA

oh ok, I didn't read your first question in its entirety -- I thought you just asked me if there was just a return label. 

Regardless, I didn't write this post to fight with Corts who seems to be the almighty Bump baby shower etiquette expert.  (even if I did put my return label on the envelopes, I encourage you to re-read your post and really take a step back and ask myself "am I a rude "B" - the answer will most likely be yes -- so don't tell me to relax.

Getting back on topic --I am looking for some opinions on guests (friends/family) not rsvp'ing to your baby shower.  So if anyone out there has any thoughts let me know.

tlxh7

SSILVEIRA:

oh ok, I didn't read your first question in its entirety -- I thought you just asked me if there was just a return label. 

Regardless, I didn't write this post to fight with Corts who seems to be the almighty Bump baby shower etiquette expert.  (even if I did put my return label on the envelopes, I encourage you to re-read your post and really take a step back and ask myself "am I a rude "B" - the answer will most likely be yes -- so don't tell me to relax.

Getting back on topic --I am looking for some opinions on guests (friends/family) not rsvp'ing to your baby shower.  So if anyone out there has any thoughts let me know.

Wow, overreact much?  If you re-read the entire post, you are the only one who was rude - she was just asking, and really didn't seem to have attitude at all.

Honestly, I thought the same thing as Corts - it sounded (based on information you provided in your OP and your response) like the invites didn't specify who was hosting, and I'd probably not attend a shower if I thought the mother-to-be was hosting it for herself.  I would RSVP no.

For those people who haven't responded, I would have MIL start calling (this is not something you should do, as you are not hosting).  It doesn't have to be awkward at future gatherings - you shouldn't even be privy to the information of who responded on time.

Edit: changed my wording

mybobofo

I had several people not RSVP by the date and then call at the last minute and ask if they could still come.  Of course!  Sometimes it's just hard to remember.

On the other hand, my SIL and MIL did not RSVP and THAT really pissed me off.  I emailed them as soon as a date was set to let them know where/when the shower would be.  They didn't respond then and they didn't respond to the invite later.  My mom asked the day before the shower, "Are S. and L coming?"  She was annoyed too, as she has hosted them for events at her home before.  I thought that was the absolute height of rudeness.

SSILVEIRA

Thanks for the advice.  I didn't think about reaching out to those that didn't respond -- and will defnitely have my MIL or cuz call rather than me. 

In response to me overreacting, I think someone saying "there's your problem...people think you are hosting and being greedy" is mean and just terrible advice.  What if someone didn't know not to put their rtn address on the label and had no intentions of being "greedy?"  It seems like people are so quick to call someone greedy or gift grabby.

I don't know, I think it might really be a let down if some of my good friends don't show and then I have to see them at the next social event or they invite me to their kids bday party.

Corts

SSILVEIRA:

Thanks for the advice.  I didn't think about reaching out to those that didn't respond -- and will defnitely have my MIL or cuz call rather than me. 

In response to me overreacting, I think someone saying "there's your problem...people think you are hosting and being greedy" is mean and just terrible advice.  What if someone didn't know not to put their rtn address on the label and had no intentions of being "greedy?"  It seems like people are so quick to call someone greedy or gift grabby.

I don't know, I think it might really be a let down if some of my good friends don't show and then I have to see them at the next social event or they invite me to their kids bday party.

Just keeping it real

Anyway, after reading your reactions, I believe you DID use your own return-address labels. I was only pointing out that could be your problem. *I* didn't say you were being rude and greedy, just that it may come across that way by the way the envelopes were addressed.

Have your MIL call these people and say 'I was just wondering if you will be able to come to the shower for X that I am hosting".

SSILVEIRA

Believe what you want   I DIDN"T use my own return address labels -- the one that got returned was sent back to my MILs house who called me to tell me that it was returned so I could resend it.  My reactions are based on the fact that there was a misunderstanding in our original communication and rather than clarify, you said my guests thought I was hosting and therefore a greedy person -- so quick to assume.  The original post is about why people don't bother to RSVP to events and how irritating it is.  Instead you seemed to twist things into a "self hosting/greed" thing.  In all honesty, I don't think any of my guests would have given a damn about whos name is on the return label and if they did -- they are nitpicky and have a stick up their a**.  And it that case it would have been fine if they said "no they can't make it" -- they whole point of my Original post is that some people don't even have the decency to say "no -- can't make it." 

Just keeping it real:)

vanessa11411

To me it wouldn't matter who's address is on the return label, I would just be glad that i was invited to a friend or family members baby shower.

I respond to invitations ASAP, cause I hate it when people don't RSVP on time or RSVP at all when I send out invites.

Just have MIL give them a call

Angiesmommy

I would reach out to those who haven't RSVP'd yet. Maybe by phone or email. After that, my attitude is, if you didn't RSVP and you show up to my baby shower/child's birthday party/whatever.... don't be surprised if you don't leave with a favor or goodie bag.

I try to have extras around but really.... it doesn't take much time to RSVP. It's just plain RUDE not to and then show up.

tlxh7

SSILVEIRA:

Believe what you want   I DIDN"T use my own return address labels -- the one that got returned was sent back to my MILs house who called me to tell me that it was returned so I could resend it.  My reactions are based on the fact that there was a misunderstanding in our original communication and rather than clarify, you said my guests thought I was hosting and therefore a greedy person -- so quick to assume.  The original post is about why people don't bother to RSVP to events and how irritating it is.  Instead you seemed to twist things into a "self hosting/greed" thing.  In all honesty, I don't think any of my guests would have given a damn about whos name is on the return label and if they did -- they are nitpicky and have a stick up their a**.  And it that case it would have been fine if they said "no they can't make it" -- they whole point of my Original post is that some people don't even have the decency to say "no -- can't make it." 

Just keeping it real:)

You do realize that the "misunderstanding" happened because you didn't read her first question entirely, right?  Because that's what you said.  Then you jumped down her throat for giving you a possible reason that people aren't RSVP - your guests might have thought it was greedy, and rather than RSVP no, just ignored the invite.

Yellow_Daisy

This is a pretty standard scenario because people lack the knowledge and/or manners these days that they should RSVP whether they are attending or not.  The normal thing to do is call/email the people who have not responded by the deadline date.  I don't think this is something to get worked up over.  Yes, it's rude and annoying, but it happens to just about everyone throwing a party. 

Good Luck!

alm0309

Although my sister is planning my shower, she is going to keep me updated on the guest list.  When it reaches the RSVP date I will tell her the best way to get in touch with each person, through Facebook or by phone.  I just think it is the absolute rudest thing to not have the common courtesy to RSVP.  My shower venue needs a head count two weeks prior, so last minute RSVP's will not work well.  I completely understand your frustration!  If I were invited to one of their parties then I would RSVP, only because I have class, but would not go out of my way to make it to the event.

snshine23

Yellow_Daisy:

This is a pretty standard scenario because people lack the knowledge and/or manners these days that they should RSVP whether they are attending or not.  The normal thing to do is call/email the people who have not responded by the deadline date.  I don't think this is something to get worked up over.  Yes, it's rude and annoying, but it happens to just about everyone throwing a party. 

Good Luck!

This.  Our shower is this Saturday...my mom and sister put the RSVP date last week and they still had to track people down.  People have more on their minds than your baby shower and they just forget to RSVP...especially if you gave them a 5 week notice.  I tend to think people just think "Oh, I have time before I have to RSVP to that" and then just forget.  Just have someone follow up with them as a friendly reminder and say that you need to know final count for food.  No biggie!

SSILVEIRA

Yes, I think the best thing to do is have the hosts reach out to those who haven't rsvp'd.  I didn't know if it was ok for them to contact them since they don't know each other and I think it would be weird for me to text them and ask if they were coming to the shower. I know there are more than enough party favors so that is a relief at least.  Still waiting on about 8 people, so it could make a difference for seating arrangements since my MILs place is not that big.

 

ccorso

I get a better response when I put "regrets only" instead of RSVP.  I think people know they are going to go but get busy and forget to call...they just put it on their calendar and go about their life.  With regrets though, people seem to respond more.

BLM10

People can be very lazy and inconsiderate. Period. Regardless of whose address label was used, the right thing to do is RSVP, whether it's yes or no. If you need a headcount, someone needs to get on the phone and call all guests.

alubins

vjimenez11:

To me it wouldn't matter who's address is on the return label, I would just be glad that i was invited to a friend or family members baby shower.

I respond to invitations ASAP, cause I hate it when people don't RSVP on time or RSVP at all when I send out invites.

Just have MIL give them a call

This exactly.  The same happened in regards to our wedding shower & wedding itself.  I had my mother or MIL call those that didn't RSVP a day or two after the RSVP date.  You'll get a wide range of responses from "I didn't get the invitation" (I've had to resend invites multiple times), "I forgot" (which does happen), to "Yes or No responses".  Things happen.  The shower's right around the corner.  Try not to stress about it. 

buboo

I am hosting a shower for my good friend and also used the wording "Regrets only" with my contact information.

I have used this in the past also and had success. 

Laayla96

Totally understand where you're coming from. It's a matter of simple courtesy to acknowledge an RSVP, in a timely manner.  For some of us, showers, weddings and celebrations aren't about the receiving of gifts. I'm sure we'd have more fun shopping on our own. Its about celebrating with those near and dear to you.

 And it hurts, when you've attended many such functions for friends and family in the past. But when its time for you to revel in the glow of surrounding love.....people tend to forget.

Don't stress yourself out in these last few weeks. Enjoy the remainder of your pregnancy.

Have darling MIL contact the late respondents. Have some faith. Perhaps the late responders have good reason. Keep smiling.

 

 

 

rhubarb123

I feel it is rude when people don't RSVP by the date listed (and the excuse that they think RSVP means "regrets only" is BS).  People are not that stupid...they just don't do it right away and then forget - although they don't forget they are going to a baby shower. 

I've hosted many showers and I always put an RSVP date because I need to know how much food, favors and seating to have.  I don't want to waste money buying stuff I won't use.  I actually enjoy calling people who have not RSVP'd and putting them on the spot.  Most will tell me they were "going to call or email but..." and I tell them that I need to know if they are coming or not so I can have enough food and seating.  Same goes for birthday parties for my kids.  I need to know how many kids are actually coming because I make very nice favor bags (spend $10-15 on them) and I ONLY have one extra.  If I don't have to use it I give it to my LO so it is not wasted.  Only once have I had to send one kiddo home without a goody bag originally made for party attendees (had to make something up really quick while DH kept the party going).

It is very rude to the hostess not to RSVP.  I wonder if most of the ones that don't, never host anything - so never have to worry about food, favors or seating.

MsManners

SSILVEIRA:

Yes, I think the best thing to do is have the hosts reach out to those who haven't rsvp'd.  I didn't know if it was ok for them to contact them since they don't know each other and I think it would be weird for me to text them and ask if they were coming to the shower. I know there are more than enough party favors so that is a relief at least.  Still waiting on about 8 people, so it could make a difference for seating arrangements since my MILs place is not that big.

 

Yes, it's fine to have the hosts call those who haven't responded.

 Not responding to invitations is a huge pet peeve of mine. I have a friend who is notorious for this...it drives me crazy!