Shower condundrum

nancyanderik

My brother is planning a baby shower for his wife (they both brought a child from previous relationships to their family, first child together) for the month after the baby is born. I didn't know he was going to do this for her until I got an email from him with her wish list and her not-so wish list.

I already purchased and gifted to her a huge bag of baby clothes, since family had said there would not be any kind of shower, and I knew I wouldn't get to see her until after her baby was born. Do I need to buy her even more for this shower? If so- how much?  If not, how do I get away with arriving empty-handed?

FacciaBella83

Wait, so your brother sent you an e-mail telling you what she wants AFTER you already gave her a gift?  And he knows you already gave a gift?  Was this a mass e-mail or just to you?  

I have heard of people giving gifts after the baby is born, (in addition to shower gifts), but it's normally of their own volition, not something asked/required.

Frankly, it's up to you whether or not you get another gift or show up empty handed.  If you get another gift, how much you spend on this one depends on how much you spent the first time around and how much you are willing to spend total.  If you show up empty handed, I don't think people will point at you or anything, but you will probably have to remind them that you already gave a gift, (if you're not confrontational, this is not a good option). 

An awkward position indeed... 

mybobofo

Although I agree that your bro is being pushy about gifts - I would bring over a big pack of diapers.  Get them a size up - like size 2 so that they have some on hand when the baby grows.  

You can't choose your family.  Just have to deal with them  

RoxyLynn

There's so much wrong with this I don't know where to start.  A shower for a second-time Mom, hosted by the father-to-be... UGH.

Since you "wouldn't get to see her until after her baby was born" then it seems to me you have a built-in good reason not to attend the shower.  Have another obligation that day and bring dinner and a small gift after the baby is born.

AnneShirleyBlythe

This sounds more like a meet-the-baby rather than a shower, which is perfectly OK for the parents to throw. (Unless they are Jewish? I know in that case traditionally a shower is after the baby is born.)

 

However it is not OK for them to expect/dictate/etc. gifts for this sort of shindig. You bought and already gave a gift, but I wouldn't want to show up empty handed. Maybe get a couple books and one more outfit? 

EastCoastBride

No, I would not give another gift.  I personally feel no awkwardness in showing up w/o a gift when I know I already gave or if there is some other reason I don't want to give a gift.  Really- NO ONE but you and the parents to be will "know" you didnt' bring something.

I would, as suggested, though, bring food.  A casserole to the parents of a newborn would be a huge help.

Kdonn15

I would bring a gift even though I picture this shower as more of a Meet the Baby party.  What you decide to bring should be based on your own budget, but I wouldn't go all out or anything seeing as you've already given a gift.  Maybe a small pack of diapers and wipes and a little baby toy/rattle.  I probably wouldn't give more clothes since you already gave them a bunch and with my gift suggestion above your total amount should be in the $20-25 range of useful stuff I can't imagine any parent not being thankful for!

nancyanderik

This was part of a mass email (via Facebook). I like all the ideas for small gifts if I choose to give anything at all. I am not confrontational so I would feel weird coming without something in hand. I have also considered being busy, since I will have my own newborn at home and they live over 2 hours away. I just feel like I have given so much already, and I am not even including all the extra baby stuff I gave them that I will not be using this time around. I think b/c my brother has openly declared how short on cash they are (multiple times), he can ask for all of this. Whatever. I'll let you guys know what happens.

Yellow_Daisy

I don't think you are in anyway obligated to bring a gift.  I always give my family nice gifts before the baby is born to help them set up their nursery, regardless of which baby it is and they would never expect another gift if they had some type of event after the baby was born.  I would have no problem showing up without anything if I had already given a gift. 

Honestly I think it is incredibly rude for anyone to send a list of things they want (even to family), but especially to someone who has already generously given them gifts.  Meet the baby parties are not gift giving events and there shouldn't even be mention of a registry on the invite so there really is no excuse for sending a "gift list" to anyone.

I see no conundrum here, you have fulfilled any gift giving obligation and if you choose to generously give another gift that is fine, but if you don't that is fine as well.

Corts

A box of diapers, maybe. I would feel wrong showing up empty handed since it IS your brother. They certainly seem behind on manners, though. Their financial concerns are not your problem.

 

SSILVEIRA

I don't know what type of relationship you have with your brother.  But if it were my brother, I would tell him that he is having a "meet the baby party" not a baby shower, and that at those parties people aren't expected to bring gifts, it's tacky  -- I have no problem telling him what the deal is.  Also, I would tell him that I am coming but that I already bought a bunch of stuff for them so don't expect me to bring more presents man!  That's just our relationship, it's not like he is a friend that I have to worry about hurting his feelings.  He's family and I think we can speak to family differently.

kimberlymautz

I agree with the person above me. If you can attempt to get out of the shower, I would do it, and then just treat them to dinner and bring baby a toy or cute outfit or something. If you do decide to attend I would just bring a few small things. Maybe a few teethers, a cute outfit, a book. You obviously don't need to bring much, and I'm sure she already has most things she needs if she has other children, but I would probably bring something little just so you don't show up empty handed. Or buy them a gift card for a restaurant and a hand written coupon for a free night of babysitting so they can go to dinner. That would probably be my favorite gift!