Late onset of PPD or winter blues?

GiGi1221

Lately, I've really been missing our life before babies.  We had been doing everything we would have before babies just with them now.  But now it's a lot harder, they're teething, wanting to be on the move, etc.   Dinners out are now a disaster.  While they were still little I had enough energy at the end of the night to make dinner, shower and have sex with DH. Now I can barely make it to the couch!

I'm opening the art studio in 2 months so the boys will be in daycare M-F and I'm thrilled, the 1-2 days I had at home with them were so exhausting I could barely function.  I have so much guilt in regards to that- what kind of mom wants to put there kid in daycare full time?!?!? ME! I always thought I wanted to be a SAHM and now here I am...

Everyone always tells me what great babies they are- and they are.  They're almost always happy, they STTN, take good naps for the most part, etc.  But it's me, I  have such a hard time with there being two of them.  I love snuggling one or reading to one, but it's so hard because I have to keep my eye on the other one.  I feel like I would have been an AWESOME SAHM to one baby- but two is more than I can handle.

I'm sorry this turned into a major vent- I read a TIMES article today too about how people think babies are going to make them happier but they actually make them delusional and angry.  I'm certainly not delusional but I am quicker to snap.  I do feel more fulfilled since having them and look forward to having grown kids.

Anyway- thanks for listening.

Ruby_Tuesday

Yesterday MIL spent the day with the nanny.  Apparently the nanny said to MIL that if she wins the lottery she is going to give me a million dollars so that I don't have to work and I can stay home with the boys.  I bit my tounge (because MIL is judgy) but what I wanted to say was, "Who says I want to stay home with them???" 

I am actually toying with the idea of becoming a SAHM but lately I have been so happy to get in my car and leave in the morning after being up holding them all night.

Although I feel guilty about it too, I think it's perfectly normal to look forward to going to work.

sawyer918

I could have written this post(except for the daycare part and opening an art studio).  I sometimes wish I could put my kids in daycare to "miss" them a bit.  I sometimes (like this morning when they woke up at 4am) wish I had my old life back.  I think most moms do.  It's a lot of work. And even though I thought I prepared myself for it, I still get pi$$ed a lot easier than I did before.   I often think like you that things would be so much easier with one.  You may have some PPD, but I just think it's stress.  I am getting so anxious for spring and warmer weather so I can get out of the house that I am getting so b%tchy.    GL with everything.  I think we all need to vent a little sometimes so don't feel like you are a bad mother for needing to. 

2shihtzus

GiGi1221:

Lately, I've really been missing our life before babies.  We had been doing everything we would have before babies just with them now.  But now it's a lot harder, they're teething, wanting to be on the move, etc.   Dinners out are now a disaster.  While they were still little I had enough energy at the end of the night to make dinner, shower and have sex with DH. Now I can barely make it to the couch!

I'm opening the art studio in 2 months so the boys will be in daycare M-F and I'm thrilled, the 1-2 days I had at home with them were so exhausting I could barely function.  I have so much guilt in regards to that- what kind of mom wants to put there kid in daycare full time?!?!? ME! I always thought I wanted to be a SAHM and now here I am...

Everyone always tells me what great babies they are- and they are.  They're almost always happy, they STTN, take good naps for the most part, etc.  But it's me, I  have such a hard time with there being two of them.  I love snuggling one or reading to one, but it's so hard because I have to keep my eye on the other one.  I feel like I would have been an AWESOME SAHM to one baby- but two is more than I can handle.

I'm sorry this turned into a major vent- I read a TIMES article today too about how people think babies are going to make them happier but they actually make them delusional and angry.  I'm certainly not delusional but I am quicker to snap.  I do feel more fulfilled since having them and look forward to having grown kids.

Anyway- thanks for listening.

I have said this exact same thing!  I think having twins for some people means changing their plans and becoming stay at home moms (due to daycare costs etc) and while I was planning to go back to work even before I knew I was pregnant with twins, I think having twins has made me sure that I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom.  I work from home on Fridays and have the boys with me and I am 10 times more exhausted and physically drained on those days then any other day of the week.  I personally feel that I am a better and more patient mom when I get time at the office with adults, where I don't have to re-heat my coffee 5 times before I finish it, etc.  Some people may judge that but different strokes for different folks, you know...

I am also in the same stage as you where we took our boys absolutely everywhere with us and they were so great and now things like eating out etc. are getting more difficult.  This weekend it was rainy and gross and I thought I was going to go nuts if I didn't get out of the house.  I'll be honest that I don't know too much about PPD but I would think it might be some seasonal winter blues.  I think when we are more able to get out and at least be outside with them or just not be in the house playing with the same toys night after night, my husband, myself and even my boys will all be much happier.  Hopefully that's the case for you too!

GiGi1221

Thank you guys so much for the responses.  I do think a lot of it is seasonal.  I love being outside and in the sun.  This never ending snow and cold is driving me bonkers- it has every year so with the added stress of twin boys- why would this year be any different?!

I've also had the stomach flu and food poisoning within a couple of weeks of each other and just wanted to escape... I don't even feel like I'm worthy of being stressed- I mean my kids are at daycare more than they're home- what do I have to be stressed about?!?

amanda31H

Oh I totally get this.

Sunday night I told DH that I feel like I'm in Groundhog Day.  I live the same life 7 days a week!  I told him that what I wanted to do was get up Monday morning, put my power suit on, get my Starbucks coffee, stop at the deli for a bagel, and settle into my windowed office for a morning conference call.  I miss it.  Every day.

Now I feel like I'm working 7 days a week and can't even differentiate between weekdays and weekends.  DH is home on weekends, but he's been renovating our kitchen, so we haven't been spending time as a family.  It's hard.

Starting mid-february we've had invitations every Saturday until the end of March for varying things (birthday parties - we have a lot of friends turning 30, wedding, dinners, etc.) and we can only go to a couple because I can't find someone to baby sit the kids every Saturday night for 6 weeks!  So I'm missing out on some things, and it's hard to swallow. 

I don't think I said anything helpful here...in fact I just vented on top of your vent.  But you're not alone. 

 

CinemaGoddess

I could have written this post except for the part about the art studio and the girls are only 4 months old.  This past weekend was especially trying because both DH and I had colds, but the girls were fine.  I ended up spending the majority of the weekend tending to them while DH slept.  It was difficult not to get frustrated and want to be by myself for awhile, to say the least. 

DH and I both require time away from the house and the girls to maintain our own sanity.  We have a calendar set up and we can put our names on any dates (primarily weekends) where one wants a "me" day to do whatever he/she wants to and the other takes care of the babies.  That me time could consist of hanging out with friends, going to the movies, or just sleeping.   Having that time really helps us each to "reboot" and we're better parents to the girls as a result. 

I would never judge a MoM (or a singleton mom, either) who put her kids in daycare for a day in order to get some stuff done or just take a much needed rest. 

mlgd

Clearly, you're not alone in feeling this way. I SAH with our three, and I've been telling DH lately that I fantasize about waking up (alone) in a nice quiet hotel room and not having to deal with or talk to another person all day long.  I love my children, but the day-to-day "job" makes me want to pull my hair out.  

I do think some of it has to do with the weather and seasons. It's starting to get nicer down South, and my mood has changed (for the better) recently.  And I remember feeling "burnt out" and moody in the winter even when I just had one child.  So hopefully things will get better for you soon... Spring is on the way!

Temp6313048411121614

Don't feel bad for wanting to put them in DC.  There are many days I want to put DS1 in DC.  You have to do what's going to make you the best mom.  A SAHM is no good if she's not happy, some people need the adult interaction and some time to themselves.  While I could use time to myself, DH and I aren't very social people, so SAH is great for me (plus the fact that we literally wouldn't be able to afford DC if I worked, plus all of the other expenses that go along with having a job.  I think it's great that you know what you want to do and have the ability to do it.  I sometimes do get sad that DH gets to go to work (we both argue with who has the harder job).  I can't imagine the stress you must be under trying to open a studio.