Anyone else have "mama drama"?

HollyBerry25

My mom and I do not have the best relationship.  In fact, my husband calls us oil and water.  It has gone downhill since my Dad died last April.  We had a big fight over the phone today over multiple isses.  I have been WICKEDLY hormonal.  It is really rediculous, but I can't seem to help it.  So my husband walked into me on the phone with her in tears, she hung up one me, and my husband called her back and talked to her.  Apparently she told him that I needed therapy and counsouling and a doctor, and I was crazy and not right and not normal because normal people would not have gotten as mad as I did.  So after a few min of that, he told her I was pregnant.  She replied by saying that that was not a good way to tell her, but that was great, and why was I not happy?  He told her we were both very happy about it.  They got off the phone and she TEXTED me the word "congratulations".  My mother.  Nice, huh?  I was mad at her yesterday for making a comment at church when someone asked her at church if her boyfriend's grandkid was hers and she told them yes right in fornt of me.  So now the one person I did NOT want to tell, knows.  I wish I were not so freakin hormonal!  This is really crazy and not like me.  Usually I can shrug her off, but now I feel like fighing with her all the time.  I hate that it is this way.  Anyone else have mama drama??

Idomoodou2

When i first started dating my (now) husband, the best advice he has ever given me, frankly the best advice i have ever gotten was, There are some people who you just have to deal with, and others that you love.  Lean on those you love.  Tolerate those you have to deal with.  And know who's opinion matters.  This advice was given to me at a time where on a regular basis i would get into screaming yelling fights with my mother to a point where i would just have to grab my keys and go driving just to calm myself down.  After that advice i learned to just "deal" with my mother. 

Shortly after that i think my mom realized that i'm an adult, and if i didn't want to, i didn't have to let her in my life.  She started treating me like an adult, respected me, and talked to me like the adult that I was.  Me and my mother have a great relationship now. 

This advice may not work for you, do what you see fit.  Know that you are not alone. 

 

Also when i first got pregnant i begged my husband to use the phrase "baby mama drama" as often as he could.  I crack up everytime he does.  "I don't really want that for dinner." "Gosh, what's with all this baby mama drama!" 

ericanandy

Yup.

In fact we just told my mom tonight. And she already has this pg on FB although we told her we weren't going public yet.

She also called my sister and relatives........ thanks thunderstealer!  

atizon

sorry I can't relate...I lost my mom 10 yrs ago. I hope you and your mom work things out and hopefully this baby wil make your relationship closer and stronger. Best of luck!!

RC31604

I can relate. I totally have mama drama.  Haven't talked to mine in over 6 years.  No one in my family knows that we're expecting.  I like it that way.  Good luck with your mom.  I wish you the best.

Antigone1984

atizon:

sorry I can't relate...I lost my mom 10 yrs ago. I hope you and your mom work things out and hopefully this baby wil make your relationship closer and stronger. Best of luck!!

 

My heart goes out to you.  I couldn't imagine.

TeamM

I have the Queen of all Mama Drama.

My mother and I stopeed talking 4 years ago, after I got married. She mad about this and that...and that I was enjoying being a newly wed, and got along with my in-laws. My mother wrote me a note, saying she never wanted to speak to me again...etc. I believe that she has a problem. She stopped talking to my Aunt - her sister, and a few other members too. My mother also said that she would not attend her mother's funeral if I was going (my grandmother is alive).

Fast forward - I am pregnant - yea!! Life is going smooth. Then out of the blue my cousin FB me that my mother came over to her house crying that I was pregnant and she wants to met her grandchild...etc. I NEVER speak to this cousin. Then my cousin starts going on, and calling me names. I ignored her.

Today - I am still not talking to any of them. It was hard at first, but we can't choose our family (except for hubby :-)) My experience is way dramatic, and toxic. The best thing that has ever happened was my mother not wanting to talk to me. At first I was so depressed, but it is not me. Then I do think what if my child will feel the same...I have to remember I am not my mother, and to stay positive.

Stay strong, and don't let people stress you out. You need to be calm for the peanut. Good Luck!!

 

Lissa832

Why would it upset you that she considers her boyfriend's grandchild her own. That is admirable, IMO, not something to be upset about. Secondly, what was the fight about? What did you really expect her to say other than congratulations? I obviously don't know the backstory here, but you sound like you are overreacting, and hormones can only be an excuse for so long.

sarahjack2

I just wanted to say Good Luck with things! I know what you are going through. I do not have a good relationship with my mother eaither. In fact the only time I talk to her is if I call. Sometimes she will send me an email and if I do get a phone call it is b/c she wants something lol gotta love mothers. Best of luck and hope things start getting better!!

HollyBerry25

Lissa832:

Why would it upset you that she considers her boyfriend's grandchild her own. That is admirable, IMO, not something to be upset about. Secondly, what was the fight about? What did you really expect her to say other than congratulations? I obviously don't know the backstory here, but you sound like you are overreacting, and hormones can only be an excuse for so long.

 

Because my father has not even been dead a year and she has been dating this guy since thanksgiving.  Whole 'nuther issue.  It upsets me because she goes on about how much his kids love her and think the is the greatest and gives the impression that she has a new, ready made family that doesnt have the issues her "real" family does.  I would expect her to call me and talk to me about it, or come over since she lives right down the street, or attempt to show a little interest.  But that just shows me her true colors, yet again. I realize that works both ways, but I am still upset about our fight to try to talk to her now.   I am 4 weeks, and this is my first pregnancy, so I dont really know how long hormones can be used as an excuse.  I am also coming off zoloft I started after my dad died, which is probably not helping.   Thanks for the responses and the advice, it helps to know I am not alone.    Thanks.

happylady07

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.  The only advice I can give is- it takes 2 people to fight.  You can't control other people but you can control how you react to them and how much contact you have with them.  Limit your contact and be sweet to her when you do talk, if it starts to go south, say "oh I'm sorry to cut you short but I need to get dinner started, walk the dog, take a shower, etc, have a good rest of your day Mom!"

gallaja

When I saw this post I thought we had the same mom.  I am so sorry for what your going through.  My mom is a nurse, so she takes it upon herself to interject her medical opinion every chance she gets,

I was told by My old OBGYN that I had a cyst and could not get pregnant until it came out, and he was already to take it out until my MOM hunted him down to say she didnt think it was a good idea to put me under anesthesia since I am too fat !

Really ?? WTH ?? So the next day he calls and tells me he agrees with her ?? I changed Drs so quick, no Dr should be going behind a Patients  back and changing medical decisions after speaking to someones MOM !!

Then I had made an appt for a new OB for a second opinion when I found out I was pregnant !! Shock of my life !! And now my mom is mad that I am not going to my usual OBGYN. 

But I am trying not to let it bother me, have to stay healthy and stress free for the baby !!

 

Lissa832

From your follow up, it sounds like this is more about your dad's death than it is a out your mom. You are struggling with his death, and feel like your mom has moved on much too quickly. You want to talk to her about your fight, but it is too fresh. She probably feels the same way. Put yourself in her position for a minute. She lost her husband, and she is trying to move on. While trying to move on, her daughter is judging her. I can understand why you feel the way you do, but you can't judge your mother for moving on IMO. I'm sure she's hurting too, and if this man makes her happy, then I don't think you should give her a hard time for it. She should be sensitive to your grieving too, but if she is ready to move on, then you need to let her. You are an adult, and she shouldn't have to put her happiness on hold. I'm sorry for your loss.

kelara1

My mom is a real piece of work. I am pregnant with my 4th baby and my husband and I decided not to tell my mom right away because she has been so negative every time we have announced a pregnancy. We have been married since age 18 and are in our 15th yr of marriage. By now we know what to expect. I unfortunately made the mistake of posting my pregnancy on FB and my mom found out. She flipped out that she didn't get the personal announcement before everyone else. She decided to rip into me then told me that my kids (ages13,11,& 6) have been disowned since they didn't tell her either. Huh? Who does that? I don't think I can ever forgive her for this. Drama, drama, drama!

natalie042205

happylady07:

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.  The only advice I can give is- it takes 2 people to fight.  You can't control other people but you can control how you react to them and how much contact you have with them.  Limit your contact and be sweet to her when you do talk, if it starts to go south, say "oh I'm sorry to cut you short but I need to get dinner started, walk the dog, take a shower, etc, have a good rest of your day Mom!"

Thats pretty much what my therapist has been telling me in regards to dealing with my mother. It really does work. My grandmother treated my mother horribly, and now my mother repeats that pattern, but by not responding to it, I'm breaking the pattern and things are slowly getting better.  

SamJustice

My mother and I are the same. Last year, I got pregnant and jumped the gun by telling everybody. I miscarried about two weeks later. We waited a little longer before telling anyone this time around. When I told my mother, she literally said "Jesus Christ! Is this going to be a yearly thing with you two?!" I've tried my hardest to avoid talking to her, but since she lives with my grandmother and aunt (both of whom I am very close to) I don't have a choice. There have been comments from her like "Oh, you better not do THAT, or do you want to lose this one, too?!" to "My God, you've gotten so fat already!" Everyone just tells me to ignore it because she's jealous that I have a supportive S/O, my own place, and am genuinely excited to be having a baby (she absolutely hated all three of hers). *sigh* Nothing we can do about it.

vanessaipadilla

My mom gets obsessive with boyfriends so this new one made it even worse. I recently got married and she didnt want to be involved with much cause she had to always cook for her bf and whatnot. So they day after my wedding i had planned a party for about a year. a week before my wedding they decided to plan a party also for another reason. none of them showed up to mine. I was officialy done with her making my life depressing, so i don't speak to her anymore or my dad. They don't spend holidays with their kids but they like to tell me how Family is suppose to be there for eachother but they don't want to be around me or their grandchild.  I changed my number and I am sooooo much happier. I have my own family now, and that's my #1 priority.