feeling bad for DH..

adoubleu12

My husband works pretty long hours, and he just got back from a business trip that was all last week, and the babies came home from the NICU while he was gone, so he hasn't gotten much time at home with them yet...I felt like last week when he was gone and my mom was here, I had things under control and they were sleeping okay.  He got back on saturday, my mom left and his mom came up to stay the week....Now we are having problems at night getting them to sleep..They sleep so soundly and quietly during the day, and then at night they will sleep, but they will make alot of noise!  They didn't sleep very well at all last night, and when DH got up to go to work this morning, he was very cranky and acted almost like he was mad at the babies for keeping him awake...Idk if the babies have their nights and days confused or not, and idk if its too early to really start a bedtime routine...but I feel like this is distancing my DH from the babies and I don't like it at all!!! Any advise?? TIA

AFaul

I felt the same way about my DH when my girls were a few weeks old. He did not handle the lack of sleep well and I was worried he wasn't really going to bond with them. Once the girls started smiling, cooing, etc he became completely smitten. Now he is clearly REALLY bonded to the girls. I think it can just be hard at the stage you're at because of the sleep deprivation and that you don't really get anything from the babies but pooping, crying and sleeping. Hopefully someone will have some good suggestions for you.

parsleyqueen

This is exactly what makes the first few months so difficult.  You will have nights where they sleep really well, and the very next night they will be up screaming for no apparent reason.  I'm not sure a bedtime routine would really help much at this point since they are so young, but you can certainly start laying the foundation for one (it will become incredibly helpful as they grow older).

Do you swaddle your LOs at night?  That might help them to feel more secure if you aren't already doing it.  Another helpful thing is a white noise machine in the room where they sleep.  That seems to keep them in a deeper sleep than they get without noise.

Honestly though, we swaddled and had a white noise machine, and we still went through a stretch where our girls were up crying all night.  The two biggest pieces of advice I can offer are for you to do whatever it takes to get through the night (let them sleep in swings, bouncers, etc.) and to accept that this is reality for a while.  The sleep deprivation stage is really hard and can be very stressful, but there is no magic bullet--you just have to ride it out and trust that it will indeed improve.

It was probably a shock for your DH to spend his first night in that situation, and I can see how he would feel grumpy this morning.  But you guys are going to have many more nights that go the way last night did, so you will both need to support each other and try to make the best of it (easier said than done, I know). 

Try to hang in there.  This early stage can be so hard, but it will pass.  Your whole family will bond and the sleepless nights will be a distant memory.  :-)