XP: Shower invite question

kate05

I posted this on the Baby Showers board but I wanted to hear your opinions too.  A little background - my SIL is one of the few people on this earth I absolutely hate.  She is a liar and a manipulator who has caused DH's family nothing but pain.  I have some amazing stories but they would take up half the page.  My shower is at the end of April and when I called my MIL to let her know she asked if I was going to invite "troll wench".  Honestly, I do not want her there.  She will only cause drama and chaos and I don't need it.  Plus, my mom is sick and I do not want SIL picking up on something (we haven't told many people about my mom) or stressing out my mom.  Do I have to invite her just because my BIL made a mistake and married her?  I realize I sound harsh but I am talking about a woman who called my MIL a "fing wh*ore" and told my MIL I hated her.

Edit: MIL says I have to invite her.  I cannot believe she would want her there.  MIL is not throwing the shower so I do not have to invite SIL if I don't want to.

SarahP15

Yikes she sounds like a real peach.  That's too bad your MIL says you have to invite her, because I would have said h3ll no! 

My sister and I are in a huge fight right now and haven't spoken in months so I'm in an awkward situation of whether to invite her.  The tough thing is, she has 3 kids who I absolutely want there because we are extremely close.  My mom would like to know whether to invite her and it's a tough decision.  I have no desire for my sister to come, but my nieces will be devastated if they're not invited. 

asl71476

This is tricky - and could make your life more miserable down the road if you don't invite her. 

Is there no way your husband can talk to his brother about the issue? (if I understand the relationship correctly - this is your brother in law's wife?) I feel like this is the kind of thing best handled that way. Good luck to you - I don't envy your situation! 

Sazhrah

I would not invite her. This is your moment, your baby, your family. There is no obligation on your part to make this person a part of it. She made her bed, let her lay in it.

Lolo4283

I think you MIL has no right to say who you "have" to invite! it is YOUR shower, not hers.

mrs mosby

Is it a shower for both sides of the family? If so, I think you need to invite her. If the shower is just for your side then no, I do not think she needs to be invited.

Maybe she will decline the invite anyways.

DreamChaser246

If you don't want to invite her, don't invite her. MIL isn't throwing the shower, and you'll probably get more crap from SIL later about it, but she's going to give you crap anyways it sounds like.

cvl105

I would just weigh it all out...is the short term pain of having her at your shower worth all the future pain of not inviting her?

mammcg88

cvl105:

I would just weigh it all out...is the short term pain of having her at your shower worth all the future pain of not inviting her?

 

This. I had to "suck it up" and invite a cousin I'm not fond of to keep things civil. It sucks but it's sometimes better to invite them than to deal with the possibly bigger problem of not-inviting them sometime down the road. That being said, it's still your decision and your MIL cannot make you invite anyone. If you're willing to explain to her later why you chose to leave her out then by all means do it! I personally didn't want to stir things up so I bit my tongue and added her to the list.

eaduvall

i invite my white trash cousin to family functions, but thankfully she doesn't come to anything. she came to our other cousin's wedding and bitched that she couldn't get drunk because it was a cash bar and she came to my open house but she hadn't bathed or changed her clothes in like a week, so gross!

you may not want her there but what kind of drama will it cause down the road? do you HAVE to? no. should you? yea probably. just remember the family reunion law (my mom says this) FRL: ppl are not allowed to piss you off at the event,if they want to piss you off they have to call you after you go home and piss you off all over again. (most of the time, ppl won't do this)

JuneBug0611

Eh, I wouldn't invite her.  I'm not a big fan of obligatory invitations.  I will do them if it's someone I wouldn't MIND having there but just don't feel the need to invite (like an aunt I'm not that close to but have no problem with), if I think it's important to keep people happy, but I will NOT do an obligatory invite where it will actually make me unhappy to have the person around.