Downside to qualifying for IEP. Preschool advice?

Bride2bMO

First of all, thank you in advance. I feel like I'm bugging you guys a lot lately! I try to chime in on other posts if I can, but I don't often feel that I have enough knowledge or experience.

Anyway, my son has been in First Steps (our EI program) for a year and turns 3 next month. He's sees an SLP 1/week, an OT 2/month, and a nutritionist 1/month. Mainly he has a speech delay, sensory issues (including extreme picky eating and low appetite), and emotional/social issues. Very withdrawn around other children.

He just qualified for services with the school district. His IEP meeting is next week. I assumed he would be eligible to attend the Early Childhood Center in our district. It is fantastic. Right down the street, we've toured it and loved it, and we have lost count of all the positive referrals from parents we know. It's where we've always wanted him to go, even before we recognized his special needs. We've been on the waiting list for 1.5 years for the half-day preschool that starts at age 3. It is an inclusion program, so SN kids and typically developing peers.

I just talked to our diagnostic coordinator today and she said that he won't necessarily be placed in the ECC. She said it was an option on the table, but that he was pretty high-functioning compared to many of the students in that program. So I said he was already on the list to attend as a typical developing student even before we started EI, and she said that with an IEP, he can NOT attend as a typical student.

So he is too SN to pay tuition and attend, but possibly not SN enough to get one of the SN spots. She said that it's possible he would attend preschool elsewhere and have services come to him.

This is just frustrating for me. Other than Headstarts, which we don't qualify for, this is the only preschool run by the school district. It has an excellent reputation, and the curriculum focuses on readiness for the specific kindergarten he will be entering eventually. We've never considered other area options (which are all church preschools or Montessori). We haven't researched, toured, or been placed on their waiting lists. Many have begun enrollment. I fear spots at the best are gone. We've always just assumed he'd attend the ECC. We're not trying to get something for free, I'd pay the tuition, but I don't want him to be excluded from the school we want.

Should I push hard for this -- how hard? Or roll with the punches and look at other options. Yes, he'll get services either way, but surely being off-site would affect delivery. Like I'd love an OT to spend time on feeding, and I think shorter, more frequent sessions are more likely on-site. 

 One other factor is I can ask for an extension of EI since his birthday is in March, and no one can really agree if this is better than entering the school system now.

Any advice? Thank you! 

Bride2bMO

Thank you both, this is very helpful. Auntie, you are such a great asset to the parents on this board, I've thought so for a long time.