Question regarding DS behavior...
Floridamom224
member
Background...we adopted DS when he was just shy of 3. He was our foster son from the time he was 9 months old. He was severely neglected after birth til he was 3 months old (mom would leave him in his crib and not tend to his needs for hours and go out back and do drugs). He learned to get her attention even at that young age by scratching himself til he bled. He still did it when he got upset when we first started fostering him, and we had him evaluated by an early steps program because at nine months old he only weighed 12 pounds do to the neglect, and he still scratched himself, and became very easily overstimulated...like for example, he had not even started crawling yet and would cry uncontrollably if more than one toy was put in front of him at a time. It was too overwhelming for him. After he was removed from mom at 3 months, he bounced around in foster care til he came to us and apparently sat in a swing all.day.long in his previous homes. Anyways, everything came out fine developmentally, and within a couple of weeks he was playing well and crawling everywhere. He just needed the opportunity to do so! They suggested we redirect him when he scratched and became anxious, and to be soothing etc. He eventually stopped probably by his 2nd birthday. Anyways.
He has had a rough go of it through out his twos and threes. He is now 4, and has been doing really well with a behavior system we put in place, and we use positive reinforcement. He is ALWAYS on the go, is VERY active, and is very inquisitive. He is a kid who will probably always keep us on our toes lol. This morning, we had a bad start to the morning...we were running late and I kind of rushed him and when we got in the car and about 10 minutes away I realized I left his "blankie" behind. He ADORES the blankie. Cannot sleep without it. I couldnt turn back (I carpool and needed to pick up my carpool buddy and her son) and DS had a meltdown (understandably) about the blankie. I tried to reassure him and told him that I bet his babysitter had a SPECIAL blankie he could use today. This meant nothing to him. so, I upped his reward if he sat nicely in the car for the ride to school (he earns a coin when he acts good in certain situations where behaviors have been bad), and told him he could get 2 for today instead of one. Didnt matter to him. We picked up the other teacher and DS's nose was runny and he wanted a tissue and she went and grabbed him one and he still was whiny and fussy. All stems back to the blankie. So, we get on our way and he is playing with his a toy, and proceeds to bang it on the window, on his car seat, and then throws it on the floor. This is some of the behavior we have been pin pointing, so when he asked for it back I told him that he could not have it back. So, he got another toy to play with. Well, he continued to fuss, and proceeded to try to hit his little friend with the toy, so I took that away. He had a meltdown. But, this time, he started hitting himself repeatedly in the face while having the meltdown. It really scared me, and I chose to ignore it and watch him in the rearview mirror to make sure he wasnt injuring himself. He stopped after about 15 seconds, but he has never done that before...
I guess I wonder if it was just the overstimulation of the whole morning going awry? How should I handle it in the future?
TIA for any advice!!!!
Re: Question regarding DS behavior...
I don't have much advice to order, but I do think the hitting behavior is normal in kids during tantrums. I think you were right to ignore it. M hits himself a lot, but mostly when he's in a good mood and wants a reaction; we mostly just ignore it. During a tantrum, he has played with a knife and other sharp objects, and we just try to seem really calm and ask him to give us the object. It's panic inducing, but I know he's doing it for the reaction, so paying too much attention to it would only make things worse. Later, when he's calm, I explain why he should never do that again.
Thank you for your input! I feel like so many people looked at this post and I only got one response???? thanks for your help!
I think you handled it as well as you could of. (staying calm and not giving him a reaction are HUGE!- good for you for being able to stay calm!)
The only advice I have would be to process the morning with him this evening. "sometimes mommy and daddy over sleep and we need to move pretty fast so we're not all late. You did great, while we were hurring! Thank you!"
For future times- I always make sure I tell my kids "Mommy over slept and we need to hurry so we can get to school on time!"
Also is there any chance you can cut the blankie in 2 (or get a second one) and keep 1 part at DC so you don't have to take back and forth?