Single Parents

I'm nervous...

My ex and his mother are coming into town tomorrow to talk "baby stuff". I'm 36 weeks today and NOW all of a sudden he wants to be involved? Where was he for the past 5 months of my pregnancy? I'm still trying to get over the breakup and I'm expected to put my feelings aside and try to focus on the "baby stuff"? I'm not sure exactly what they mean by that but I think this whole thing is planned by his mother and not him. He made it clear that he hates me and wants nothing to do with me, just our baby. I'm soo hurt still over our breakup, that I don't think I can bare the thought of seeing him.  He became verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive to me and was using cocaine. (I left when I was 4 1/2 months pregnant). He hasn't tried to be there throughout my pregnancy at all or apologize or anything. 
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Re: I'm nervous...

  • First of all I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. But second why do you have to entertain this talk and especially in person? If he was that bad I would think a PO should be in place? And I don't say that in an acusatory way to you but you have to protect yourself and your little one. If his mom is that antsy about being involved let her call and talk to you. It's not her baby it's yours so don't let them push you into anything you're not comfertable with. Good luck, :HUGS:
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  • Just for the record, you don't have to even talk to him if you're not comfortable.

    Sometimes it's best to just say "we'll deal with this when there's a court appointed mediator in the room" and leave it be. You're pregnant and tired, and there's no need to deal with anything like this if you don't feel it will be productive.

    Take care of yourself, and don't let him push you around.

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  • imageMsJosie:
    My ex and his mother are coming into town tomorrow to talk "baby stuff". I'm 36 weeks today and NOW all of a sudden he wants to be involved? Where was he for the past 5 months of my pregnancy? I'm still trying to get over the breakup and I'm expected to put my feelings aside and try to focus on the "baby stuff"? I'm not sure exactly what they mean by that but I think this whole thing is planned by his mother and not him. He made it clear that he hates me and wants nothing to do with me, just our baby. I'm soo hurt still over our breakup, that I don't think I can bare the thought of seeing him.  He became verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive to me and was using cocaine. (I left when I was 4 1/2 months pregnant). He hasn't tried to be there throughout my pregnancy at all or apologize or anything. 

     

    Tell him to go screw.  He can take you to court and pay for a paternity test if he is that dedicated.  And you should get a restraining order if he was abusive and is a known cocaine user.

    You don't owe him anything and it sounds like your baby would be better off without him.

    Hang in there. 

  • Don't meet with them. You don't have to. I bet his mother just wants to get her hands on your baby, he probably doesnt care either way.

  • It sounds like your best bet is not to talk to them.  You need to keep you and your LO safe.  What is there to talk about really?  If he truly does want to be part of LO's life, then he can do so in court.  You don't need to let him into your home.
  • GIRL!!! I am in the same boat. When we initially found out that I was pregnant {at 6 wks} he was asking me to get an abortion because he already had a daughter and was not ready for another child. I told him where he could take his attitude and shove it!! LOL..

    My parents have been wanting to sit and talk with him in reference to the child since OCTOBER!!!!! Now we are practically in March, and he still has not met with my parents. Just 2 weeks ago he was telling me how his mother would like to sit and meet with me in reference to her granddaughter {24 wks now} .. I told him to give her my phone number and i will respectively explain to her the many reasons why I am not even going to begin planning a meeting place for us to get together.

    My ex was/is emotionally and verbally abusive. Unlike yours his drug of choice is Alcohol. and when he drinks, he DRAAANKS!! He gets loose and crazy. He has a great paying job, so I know automatically that my daughter and I will be able to live good off of CS. But, I still seem nervous about the entire transition of living and raising my daughter as a single parent. Especially when I was not even raised in a single parent home. 

    Please do not look for an apology from him... It will come within time. And if he does not happen to offer one, then it doesn't matter take pleasure in raising your precious daughter.

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  • imagebradyg927:
    It sounds like your best bet is not to talk to them.  You need to keep you and your LO safe.  What is there to talk about really?  If he truly does want to be part of LO's life, then he can do so in court.  You don't need to let him into your home.

     

    YESSS!!! I agreee 1000000%. Allowing him in your home gives him the chance to just come in anytime in the future. the LO is not even here right now for him to want to "bond", so coming into your home now really does not make any sense. 

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  • He has a great paying job, so I know automatically that my daughter and I will be able to live good off of CS.

     

    Your aren't a child. Child support is not for you. If you and your child are living alone, then the cs should pay half of half the bills. Because you are responsible for yourself, and you are responsible for half of the cost of the child. Way to be klassy.

  • He has a great paying job, so I know automatically that my daughter and I will be able to live good off of CS.

     

    Your aren't a child. Child support is not for you. If you and your child are living alone, then the cs should pay half of half the bills. Because you are responsible for yourself, and you are responsible for half of the cost of the child. Way to be klassy

     

    < NEVER ONCE did I say I was Jobless.. I agree with you that child support of the for the CHILD and the CHILD will be taken care of. however; under whose care will she be with? ME!? Ok, so let me make much clear for you.. I am Pretty much set with my career paying job and with his CS, OUR daughter will be SET!!:) >

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  • imagepattismartcoshi:

    He has a great paying job, so I know automatically that my daughter and I will be able to live good off of CS.

     

    Your aren't a child. Child support is not for you. If you and your child are living alone, then the cs should pay half of half the bills. Because you are responsible for yourself, and you are responsible for half of the cost of the child. Way to be klassy.

    Completely Agree here!

    And your child will be a 2 nd child from a second mother you will get less than the first child does.  The state is only allowed to take up to 50% of his paycheck TOTAL.  First and largest percentage goes to the first child.  Yours will get the left overs.  You will probably get much less of a windfall than you expect.

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  • imagegoofyviv:

    He has a great paying job, so I know automatically that my daughter and I will be able to live good off of CS.

     

    Your aren't a child. Child support is not for you. If you and your child are living alone, then the cs should pay half of half the bills. Because you are responsible for yourself, and you are responsible for half of the cost of the child. Way to be klassy

     

    < NEVER ONCE did I say I was Jobless.. I agree with you that child support of the for the CHILD and the CHILD will be taken care of. however; under whose care will she be with? ME!? Ok, so let me make much clear for you.. I am Pretty much set with my career paying job and with his CS, OUR daughter will be SET!!:) >

    Ummmm Never Once did I say you were jobless either. I'm just saying, don't be all takin dat mans dollas to get your hair and nails did at da sal-on while your auntie be watchin your baybay.

     

  • imagegoofyviv:

    GIRL!!! I am in the same boat. When we initially found out that I was pregnant {at 6 wks} he was asking me to get an abortion because he already had a daughter and was not ready for another child. I told him where he could take his attitude and shove it!! LOL..

    My parents have been wanting to sit and talk with him in reference to the child since OCTOBER!!!!! Now we are practically in March, and he still has not met with my parents. Just 2 weeks ago he was telling me how his mother would like to sit and meet with me in reference to her granddaughter {24 wks now} .. I told him to give her my phone number and i will respectively explain to her the many reasons why I am not even going to begin planning a meeting place for us to get together.

    My ex was/is emotionally and verbally abusive. Unlike yours his drug of choice is Alcohol. and when he drinks, he DRAAANKS!! He gets loose and crazy. He has a great paying job, so I know automatically that my daughter and I will be able to live good off of CS. But, I still seem nervous about the entire transition of living and raising my daughter as a single parent. Especially when I was not even raised in a single parent home. 

    Please do not look for an apology from him... It will come within time. And if he does not happen to offer one, then it doesn't matter take pleasure in raising your precious daughter.

    Geesh, how old are you?  I'm guessing you are about 16 if your parents are that involved.  You may want to check out babygaga.  They have a teen pregnancy board.

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  • imagepattismartcoshi:
    imagegoofyviv:

    He has a great paying job, so I know automatically that my daughter and I will be able to live good off of CS.

     

    Your aren't a child. Child support is not for you. If you and your child are living alone, then the cs should pay half of half the bills. Because you are responsible for yourself, and you are responsible for half of the cost of the child. Way to be klassy

     

    < NEVER ONCE did I say I was Jobless.. I agree with you that child support of the for the CHILD and the CHILD will be taken care of. however; under whose care will she be with? ME!? Ok, so let me make much clear for you.. I am Pretty much set with my career paying job and with his CS, OUR daughter will be SET!!:) >

    Ummmm Never Once did I say you were jobless either. I'm just saying, don't be all takin dat mans dollas to get your hair and nails did at da sal-on while your auntie be watchin your baybay.

    OMG.  ::dies::   Patti FOR THE WIN! Big Smile

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  • Geesh, how old are you?  I'm guessing you are about 16 if your parents are that involved.  You may want to check out babygaga.  They have a teen pregnancy board.

     

    NOPE!! Not at all, I just happen to come from a Stong supportive family who would like to be involved with what is going on in my life. Sorry *Shrugs* of some of you all don't have that at all. I am far from 16 AND very much responsible. Was responding to the Post where she said that she was nervous when it came to meeting HIS family!!

    How old are some of you women out there? I am living and speaking realistically when it comes to obtaining support from other sources other than the father of the child and the system.

    SIDENOTE: I am DEF not one of those women who gets their hair and nails did while Aunt LeeLee watches lil baby Naynay! so watch it... 

    *ahem*  drops mic and walks off of stage.....

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  • imagegoofyviv:

    Geesh, how old are you?  I'm guessing you are about 16 if your parents are that involved.  You may want to check out babygaga.  They have a teen pregnancy board.

     

    NOPE!! Not at all, I just happen to come from a Stong supportive family who would like to be involved with what is going on in my life. Sorry *Shrugs* of some of you all don't have that at all. I am far from 16 AND very much responsible. Was responding to the Post where she said that she was nervous when it came to meeting HIS family!!

    How old are some of you women out there? I am living and speaking realistically when it comes to obtaining support from other sources other than the father of the child and the system.

    SIDENOTE: I am DEF not one of those women who gets their hair and nails did while Aunt LeeLee watches lil baby Naynay! so watch it... 

    *ahem*  drops mic and walks off of stage.....

     

    Watch it? Watch what, watch you fail English 101. Again?

  • Watch it? Watch what, watch you fail English 101. Again?

    -----> Whomp, Whomp... that my dear was whack. Now try that AGAIN :)

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  • Viv, what's your story?  Are you a single parent or not?  According to your above post, you are, but according to the below post on LGBT, you aren't.  I'm thinking you are a troll.

    imagegoofyviv:

    Well for starters.. I HATE when my damn Partner who also is my coworker takes my damn business to other co workers. We were discussing out daughter's name {i'm 5mths pregnant}.. And I was sharing an interesting post response to the name that we have decided.. Just SHARING the damn story.. and instead of her listening and laughing it off {the way I did}, she assumes that I am going to change her name according to other Bloggers on The Bump!!!

    So as always I don't stand around and wait for an arguement to arise I decided to just walk away .. She has the nerve to follow me and around our other co workers share the damn story which opened up more conversation and opinions from others in reference to the babies name. Knowing damn well that I was not and did not want to share with the friggen world the name of our baby just yet. 

    I do not know what her intentions were, but again, I just left it alone and walked away. I am really pissed off with the entire situation and just wished that she left it alone, because as she was over there trying to HUMILIATE me around my co-workers they of course were puttting up a front on the baby's name. 

    *Side-note: I DEF saw a facial remark from one female, caught her and laughed it off* 

    But still that pissed me off. Who am I going to share my business with if she is over here trying to jump the gun when it comes to affairs concerning OUR child.

    Thank goodness for this site, because I was not trying to tweet or FB this entire VENT!! LOL.. Thank you.. Tongue Tied

    oh, and this one ......

    imagegoofyviv:

    I understand where you are coming from as my DW was going through the same exact issue when she and I found out that we were expecting. She shared it with her ex and of course that is when the attitude and tension was arising within our relationship because then she was pulling the same exact thing that your DW's friend is pulling.

    I am sure there are other friends in the neighborhood that can assist her with moving her items. You are the one who is pregnant and needs the attention at all times. :) Good Luck with that

     

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  • imageMsJosie:
    My ex and his mother are coming into town tomorrow to talk "baby stuff". I'm 36 weeks today and NOW all of a sudden he wants to be involved? Where was he for the past 5 months of my pregnancy? I'm still trying to get over the breakup and I'm expected to put my feelings aside and try to focus on the "baby stuff"? I'm not sure exactly what they mean by that but I think this whole thing is planned by his mother and not him. He made it clear that he hates me and wants nothing to do with me, just our baby. I'm soo hurt still over our breakup, that I don't think I can bare the thought of seeing him.  He became verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive to me and was using cocaine. (I left when I was 4 1/2 months pregnant). He hasn't tried to be there throughout my pregnancy at all or apologize or anything. 

    OP, there is nothing you need to discuss with him.  Anything pertaining to the baby can wait until the baby is born, and then like PPs suggested you can work it out with a mediator or a judge present.  You do not have to meet or talk to him or his mother.  Don't let them run over you. 

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  • imagefauxshelley:
    imagepattismartcoshi:
    imagegoofyviv:

    He has a great paying job, so I know automatically that my daughter and I will be able to live good off of CS.

     

    Your aren't a child. Child support is not for you. If you and your child are living alone, then the cs should pay half of half the bills. Because you are responsible for yourself, and you are responsible for half of the cost of the child. Way to be klassy

     

    < NEVER ONCE did I say I was Jobless.. I agree with you that child support of the for the CHILD and the CHILD will be taken care of. however; under whose care will she be with? ME!? Ok, so let me make much clear for you.. I am Pretty much set with my career paying job and with his CS, OUR daughter will be SET!!:) >

    Ummmm Never Once did I say you were jobless either. I'm just saying, don't be all takin dat mans dollas to get your hair and nails did at da sal-on while your auntie be watchin your baybay.

    OMG.  ::dies::   Patti FOR THE WIN! Big Smile

    Yah, hate to admit it but ITA.

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  • imagefauxshelley:

    Viv, what's your story?  Are you a single parent or not?  According to your above post, you are, but according to the below post on LGBT, you aren't.  I'm thinking you are a troll.

    imagegoofyviv:

    Well for starters.. I HATE when my damn Partner who also is my coworker takes my damn business to other co workers. We were discussing out daughter's name {i'm 5mths pregnant}.. And I was sharing an interesting post response to the name that we have decided.. Just SHARING the damn story.. and instead of her listening and laughing it off {the way I did}, she assumes that I am going to change her name according to other Bloggers on The Bump!!!

    So as always I don't stand around and wait for an arguement to arise I decided to just walk away .. She has the nerve to follow me and around our other co workers share the damn story which opened up more conversation and opinions from others in reference to the babies name. Knowing damn well that I was not and did not want to share with the friggen world the name of our baby just yet. 

    I do not know what her intentions were, but again, I just left it alone and walked away. I am really pissed off with the entire situation and just wished that she left it alone, because as she was over there trying to HUMILIATE me around my co-workers they of course were puttting up a front on the baby's name. 

    *Side-note: I DEF saw a facial remark from one female, caught her and laughed it off* 

    But still that pissed me off. Who am I going to share my business with if she is over here trying to jump the gun when it comes to affairs concerning OUR child.

    Thank goodness for this site, because I was not trying to tweet or FB this entire VENT!! LOL.. Thank you.. Tongue Tied

    oh, and this one ......

    imagegoofyviv:

    I understand where you are coming from as my DW was going through the same exact issue when she and I found out that we were expecting. She shared it with her ex and of course that is when the attitude and tension was arising within our relationship because then she was pulling the same exact thing that your DW's friend is pulling.

    I am sure there are other friends in the neighborhood that can assist her with moving her items. You are the one who is pregnant and needs the attention at all times. :) Good Luck with that

     

    I noticed all of this too but couldn't say anything because I was on my phone. Her story is so inconsistent there is no way it can be true.

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