Done having kids.. having a hard time dealing with it

Rangergal9

So DH is getting a vasectomy on Friday.  We have talked at length and decided we are done having kids.  But now as it gets closer I am having a hard time with it.  With all the BFPs around here it makes me sad that I won't be pregnant anymore.  I don't even know why it bothers me since the last pregnancy was so rough on me.  I don't want to go through another c/s, and OMG I cannot even imagine being pregnant while having Abby and the twins to take care of.  We could fit a fourth kid in our house, but I honestly worry about getting pg with twins again.  Maybe I am just sad about this part of my life being over.  I think maybe I like the idea of more kids, but don't actually want to go through with it?  If I had more kids I'd want them just as close in age as Abby and the twins, yeah, no thanks on that!I also think about adding a fourth kid so Abby wont feel left out as the only non-twin.  I went to a MoMs meeting last night and one of the women talked about how her twins will tell her other daughter she can't join in cause its twins only and it just crushes me to think that could ever happen to Abby. Anyone gone through this?  Am I crazy for even thinking about possibly adding a 4th child??  We want to be done with diapers and the no sleeping, and go to Disney when our youngest are 4 or 5, and if we have more kids we're gonna be going through all that again in 2 years.  I am just rambling and needed to tell this to someone.  

leslie13510

I'm kind of in the same spot as you, but we only have the twins.  I do NOT want to go through another pregnancy even halfway as bad as the last one, I have no desire to go through the newborn/young infant stage again especially with two toddlers, and honestly I just like how our family is right now and don't want to add another kid to the mix.  That said, I get kind of sad when I think that we're probably done having kids.  Maybe one day we'll add another one, but probably not any time soon.  I do think that if you're not sure, your H probably shouldn't go through with the vasectomy just yet.  Maybe give it another year or two.

Also, I was the oldest of three kids (younger twin brothers).  I don't recall ever feeling left out because I was a singleton.  Maybe it's because they were boys, or because we were 4 years apart so I always thought that I was "too old" to be interested in the things they were.  Or maybe it's because I was so gosh darn good at turning one brother against the other one just as a way to pass the time and cure my boredom.    My parents also did a great job of making all 3 of us feel like the individuals we are.  I think if you can manage that, your older daughter won't feel like the odd kid out for not being a twin. 

vlahop

I can completely relate.  I have 3 girls as well, and they are similar to yours in age.  I know that I am done having kids, but when my doctor asked if I wanted my tubes tied if I ended up with a C-section, I said NO so fast!  I do not want more children, but idea of saying absolutely not at this point was frightening to me, even though I am 100% sure.  I had a friend who cried and cried with her husband got the surgery, even though she asked him to!  It is just a hard thing to accept I think. 

Rangergal9

vlahop:

I can completely relate.  I have 3 girls as well, and they are similar to yours in age.  I know that I am done having kids, but when my doctor asked if I wanted my tubes tied if I ended up with a C-section, I said NO so fast!  I do not want more children, but idea of saying absolutely not at this point was frightening to me, even though I am 100% sure.  I had a friend who cried and cried with her husband got the surgery, even though she asked him to!  It is just a hard thing to accept I think. 

It's funny cause your girls are almost the same age difference mine were.  You're right, it is a hard thing to accept.  I also told the OB I did not want my tubes tied cause it seemed so final.  It's just a sad decision to make... 

amanda31H

We definitely plan on having more kids.  We've always said we want 4...but if I end up having another c-section with my fourth I still don't think I'll have my tubes tied.  I think I'd still have to wait a couple years to make sure I'm SURE that we are done...and then DH will get snipped.

Can you wait?  Even if you think you are done if it's causing you some anxiety, maybe postpone it for a year. 

I know a vasectomy reversal is possible, but I don't think it's always successful.  Don't know the stats on that.  Maybe it's something you can discuss with the doctor?

Temp159135562506975

i'm totally done having kids, too - and while i'm totally OK with it- it does weird me out in a lot of ways.  I feel like "wow- i'm past that stage of my life! I'm old! I'll never have a young child again - it's all up from here"... and in some ways that makes me feel good - and in some ways sad b/c the past 5 years have been so amazing.... but i have ZERO desire to have another baby. At all.

as far as the twins saying their sister can't play - FVCK THAT. My children will NEVER talk to each other that way.  That mother makes the twins feel they are that special by something she is doing - period.  My kids have hardly ever heard us say the word "twins" b/c it's not something we focus on at all.  I had to teach Griffin what "twins" meant a few months ago when Sesame Street had the twins episode- Griffin had no idea and had never really heard us even say the word Twins.

And all he knows is that it means that they were in my belly at the same time and have the same birthday... because that is ALL it means, really (esp since mine are not ID).

one of the twins actually gets along better with Griffin in many ways than with the other twin - so i dno't really see it being an issue.... and i would never let my boys talk to each other that way - they would learn fast that it would NOT fly in our house.

I haven't been a fan of the MoMs club  - i have gone to a few things- but i feel like the women there focus so much on having twins/triplets --- and quite honestly- that's not what i'm all about. I love having twins- but in my mind they are just 2 more babies- not anything else --- and having a singleton makes me feel like focusing on the twin  thing too much is weird.... so i haven't done much with the MoM club this year and might not even join next year.

 

MrsLnt

leslie13510:

I'm kind of in the same spot as you, but we only have the twins.  I do NOT want to go through another pregnancy even halfway as bad as the last one, I have no desire to go through the newborn/young infant stage again especially with two toddlers, and honestly I just like how our family is right now and don't want to add another kid to the mix.  That said, I get kind of sad when I think that we're probably done having kids.  Maybe one day we'll add another one, but probably not any time soon.  I do think that if you're not sure, your H probably shouldn't go through with the vasectomy just yet.  Maybe give it another year or two.

This is where I am, too.  The idea of having another newborn makes me want to vomit, then rip my uterus out with my bare hands, but, the idea that I'm done is also kind of sad, too.  It's ridiculous though, because I hated being PG, and I had an easy, complication free pregnancy.

Your girls were spontaneous like my pair were, so I get being scared of another set.  Since you're unsure if they're ID or not, I'd get them tested before worrying about a second set.  Mine are obviously fraternal and the idea of having another set of twins is not a pleasant thought, even though I know I could handle it.  I just don't want to.

dleigh81

Rangergal9:

So DH is getting a vasectomy on Friday.  We have talked at length and decided we are done having kids.  But now as it gets closer I am having a hard time with it.  With all the BFPs around here it makes me sad that I won't be pregnant anymore.  I don't even know why it bothers me since the last pregnancy was so rough on me.  I don't want to go through another c/s, and OMG I cannot even imagine being pregnant while having Abby and the twins to take care of.  We could fit a fourth kid in our house, but I honestly worry about getting pg with twins again.  Maybe I am just sad about this part of my life being over.  I think maybe I like the idea of more kids, but don't actually want to go through with it?  If I had more kids I'd want them just as close in age as Abby and the twins, yeah, no thanks on that! I also think about adding a fourth kid so Abby wont feel left out as the only non-twin.  I went to a MoMs meeting last night and one of the women talked about how her twins will tell her other daughter she can't join in cause its twins only and it just crushes me to think that could ever happen to Abby. Anyone gone through this?  Am I crazy for even thinking about possibly adding a 4th child??  We want to be done with diapers and the no sleeping, and go to Disney when our youngest are 4 or 5, and if we have more kids we're gonna be going through all that again in 2 years.  I am just rambling and needed to tell this to someone.  

Don't let this weigh too heavy on your heart. I grew up in a family of 3 and I was the non-twin. My parents say that when I was younger I had times of jealousy but I don't remember. I remember having a blast with my sisters and my parents always making me feel so important. I love that I am the non-twin in my family.

((Hugs)) for the saddness you're feeling with your decision.

SLM05

I just wanted to add that i relate to your sadness.  I has my tubes tided after the boys were born.  It was the "plan" DH and i alwasy had, but enver expected it to come so early due to the triplets.  Btu the pregnancy was hard and TTC was even harder so i know the doctors asked me about a million times while on the table and before i signed the papers if i was sure and at that time i was, but now i have to admit i have some times of feeling realy sad about it.  It upsets me but then i think about how, i stress and worry as it is on how i want to gie all 4 kids enough one on one time, adding another would just make that worse.  It is hard because it is so final but i know it was the right decision.  As for your DD, i agree with other pp, if you treat them as individuals and give her special time she will be fine.

AmberB711

My DH had his Vasectomy Feb 4th and I think he was the one having the second thoughts. A few nights before the surgery he had a dream that I was in hospital having the boys but there were 3 of them. There were NO second thoughts for me, I would have had it scheduled for him sooner if they could have took him.

We keep getting comments from close friends and family though saying why did you do it so soon they are only 3 months old.

zschick4ever

Yep, I get sad too. I had my tubes tied when I had my c/s. We talked about having 3 and thats what we got. I got laid off when I was pg with the twins, so financially I know we are better off with 3 but having more would have been ok with me. My h on the other hand was more affraid of having twins again.

You are so not alone in this.

volgirl123

I would wait if I were you. We are in the same position, and although I can't stand the idea of being pregnant again and I am frightened of having twins again I don't want to do a thing that drastic right now for all the reasons you mentioned. When I look at my boys I think how We never expected to have surprise twins but now that we do how happy I am that both of them are here and I can't imagine not having one or another. The same goes if we had a fourth. I am going to wait 6 more months and make that call. I figure either way it has to get easier since I will be an expert at raising babies by then!