Do you feel like your life is on hold?

Mrs.McIrish

I'm in a funk and I need to find my way out. I am really unhappy with the weight I allowed myself to gain since my wedding. I have lots of "excuses" and "reasons" but yada yada yada. I have gym membership that I use maybe 2 times a month(no classes/just machines), 3 personal training sessions DH gave me for x-mas, and several spin classes already paid for at a spinning studio(left over from last summer). I have a weight watcher membership. A co-worker was just raving about a kickboxing studio she joined. I know I need to get started with "something" but then I hear that voice "what if you are pregnant?"  I keep talking myself out of stuff (examples: it is the 2WW, you shouldn't jump around a lot..  AF just arrived: you are crampy and should lay down on the couch.. these IF meds make me feel crappy etc)  I hate all my clothes (nothing fits) and I don't want to go out because I don't look "good".  I really hate going anywhere when I may see people I haven't seen in months because I think they are thinking "geez she got fat".  How do I get out of this funk and live my life as a non-pregnant woman?  I miss my old self pre-IF. Any advice?

jb2rn

Just do it.

Easy for me to say, as I am in my post dx depression right now..but I think you just have to do it. Go to the gym once this week. Then next week two times. Challenge yourself. I think you will find you feel better and think less about the fact that you are not pregnant.

I started Zumba last month and I felt much better emotionally, but yes, I did think "what if it screws with my cycle" with the change in activity level. I haven't gone in over a week due to my work schedule and I feel a difference.

As to your original question, yes, I do feel on hold. We are moving to Germany in June, and we were already overwhelmed with trying to figure out if we should sell our house or just rent it, etc. And now we have to stress about trying to do treatment prior to leaving the states. It's all too much and my response is to want to do nothing.

Bottom line - you have to force yourself. Go for a walk after work if you can't make it to the gym. Don't buy junk, so you won't eat it. Bring your lunch to work so you aren't tempted to buy crap. Start small and you can work your way up.

 

MelleTX

I am right there with you sister. I feel like my life is completely on hold. Like if I could just get pregnant then I could start making some plans.

There is work I need/want to do around my house, but I can't spend any extra money becuase it is all earmarked for TTC and I don't know how much this will cost me.

I also cannot believe how much weight I have gained since July when I started all this. I was no skinny mini to begin with, but it's bad. And again, I feel like if I could just GET pregnant then I could start walking again. I don't want to make any big lifestyle changes until I actually get pregnant. Don't want to throw my system out of whack while TTC.

Right now, there is a transatlantic cruise in October that is super-cheap that I want to book, but  I can't make travel plans yet.

I have no advice because I am in the exact same place. I am just ready for my life to be off-hold and I don't know if there is a solution except pregnancy.

Sucks.

AlmostLoCo

I know the feeling, I've been in a funk for several months now. Oddly enough, making the solid plan for IVF has helped. I also haven't been working out; I've been eating reasonably okay but have been putting on weight to the point where my clothes barely fit. And I've been the same size since graduating college, until now. I don't want to buy new clothes because if I get pregnant I will need a maternity wardrobe.  I don't want to spend money on things in case our IF coverage runs out and we need to pay for this OOP.

Last year a few months before my wedding, I got back in to working out after being off it for ~2 years, and it was tough. I started off slowly, doing things like yoga, pilates, and taking long walks. I bought the 30 day shred and almost died the first few times I did it. Once I built up some confidence I enrolled in a 10 week program at the local kickboxing gym. I loved kickboxing but to be honest, it probably isn't one of the better workouts to do when TTC. I went on a diet at the same time and ended up losing 10 lbs and lowering my body fat by 5 percentage points (I wasn't that heavy to start with). Of course, I've put it all back now - and then some.

I find that setting small goals helps, like saying I'm going to do 50 crunches, or take a half hour walk.

As far as making vacation plans; now that I'm coming up on a year TTC, I've learned to book trips about 4 months out. That's plenty of time to get decent rates, etc. but if I get pregnant I'll only be a few months along.  If you need to book further out you can always get the travel insurance that allows you to get a refund for any reason.

lmydogally

I think of it this way:  The better health I'm in now the better I will feel when I'm pregnant.  The better shape I'm in when I pregnant the easier delivery and recovery will be.  Not to mention when I'm in my spin class the last thing on my mind infertility.  It's my time to focus on something else entirely. 

One thing our RE told us on our last visit is that he loves how we have such a good sense of humor and we will need our positive attitudes and humor during this process.  I try to remember that whenever I get down.  

If your worried about doing too much in the 2WW, maybe do yoga at the gym a few days a week.  

mtlaurel

I try to think of it as the one thing I actually have control over in this process, and try to maintain a level of fitness that is helpful for achieving pregnancy. On days when I'm worried about 2WW or just want to cry, I try to force myself to do yoga or take the dog on an extra long walk. Something active, but not difficult.

I've done a lot of spinning this winter on one of those bikes with video classes attached. There's a segment that comes up periodically in which the instructor says to close your eyes and imagine you're going down a long, flat road, and see yourself at the end, "the you of tomorrow, the you of next month, the you of next year." Not what he would expect, but I always try to see a pregnant me at the end of that road and it motivates me.

mkwt

I am sorry you are having a hard time right now.  When I worked out I had a buddy and we went three times a week, it was easier for me to have a buddy because we depended on each other and there was no excuses for us.  Unfortunately I am underweight and really need to put on weight to be at a healthy wieght number, but what gets me is my stress level is so high that I can't/don't take time to eat.  I have seriously thought about trying to walk in my neighborhood every night just to help relieve my stress, in reality it would be a good 20 mintue walk, but I think it would do me a world of good.  I used to put my life on hold, then I did not get pregnant and I got mad that I did not do what I wanted to for "fear" I would be pregnant, I have totally put that to the way side now.  If I want to do it, then I just do it.  "IF" I get pregnant again I will work aroud it!  Good luck to you!

aurora1974

I completely feel like my life is on hold.  However, I feel like I completely lost all of last year because I was so focused on TTC so I'm making a concerted effort to not do that this year.  It is INCREDIBLY difficult as I find myself saying "but if I'm pregnant then,can I?" and DH does the same thing.  What I am doing at this point as far as working out is concerned is taking it one day at a time.  I try to work out 4-5 days a week, but have found that it doesn't do me any good to focus on that, so I just take it day by day.  If I don't feel like working out one day and can't talk myself into it, then I don't beat myself up about it.  But, I do try really hard to talk myself into it.  And I do feel much better after I work out. 

As for vacations, we are planning a trip to DC this year because we can drive there and hotels can be cancelled, so if for some reason we can't go, we're not out anything.  We're not planning any trips that require a plane ride so we don't have to worry about losing out on any money on trips we may not be able to take (whether pregnancy or TTC related).

 Hang in there.  I know it's really hard to break out of the funk.  DH has finally realized that he can't make me come out of it and if he just lets me wallow for a little bit that I'll bounce back in my own time.  That has also helped me. 

CheezeFace

I'm so sorry you are having a tough time right now.  Just know that you arent alone in this.  Honestly, I feel like I could have written your post, every word.

I have always worked out HS, college, first job, marriage, first house, etc...I've always maintained a workout schedule.  Now I'm lucky if my gym sees me 2x's a month.  What the heck is going on.  I have been asking myself this for weeks.  It's like all my will power has been sucked out of my body.

Here's what I do know (not that knowing it has done me any good):

• Working out is a double-edged sword. The more you do it, the more you want to do it and vice-versa.
• Healthier body = healthier baby.
• 95% of the battle is getting yourself through the front door of the gym.  If you are anything like me, you won't want to waste your time once there so you will make it a great workout worthy of your time.

I have no idea if that helped or if it makes you want to kick me but I really do understand.

And, also - yes.  My I feel like my life is being held hostage by my IF.

Mrs.McIrish

Thanks for everyone's comments. DH was really all over me this past weekend saying I needed to "move on" with life and stop wallowing. I told him I knew this but didn't know how. Part of it is that he is never home with work and school so I'm left alone with my own crazy thoughts. That can be dangerous to an infertile as we all know!  If I'm busy or with others, I do better.  Cheeze- you are spot on about 95% of the battle is getting through the door!  I did tell DH last night that I wanted to plan a trip- nothing exotic but that we can't just not do anything because of what may happen.  Thanks again-- you ladies rock!

UOduckBride2be

I go through ups and downs with this one. I was stuck in a TTC rut until after mc #3 when I decided that it was time to go all in on several fronts. I decided I'm not going to put my life on hold. I had been making every decision with the thought of "how will this work for me in a few months when I'm pregnant?". I just decided, SCREW IT! I'm going to do what I want and tempt fate. For instance, there was a particular car I had been lusting after for a few years that is not a family car. I told myself to go ahead and buy it because then I for sure would be knocked up in no time. I love my car and now i have no stress during my commute. It makes me sooooo happy. I did get ku, but I had another mc. Additionally I decided that I am going to get in the best shape of my life and do anything I can to increase my TTC odds. My dr said that losing 10% of your body weight can also increase your odds and since I am "unexplained" I figured it couldn't hurt to go on a self-imposed fertility diet. I cut out all sugar, flour, alcohol, caffiene and I eat fairly clean and low-carb. I'm happier this way and the effects of what I'm doing make me feel and look better baby or not. Good Luck!

Classicoyote

Ladies,

I always felt like I was alone in feeling this way.  We got married last May and I've put on somewhere between 20 and 30 pounds since.  I don't know exactly because I can't bear the idea of getting on a scale.  Nothing fits.  Everything feels like it's crumbling around me.  I've been unemployed for 2 years now and though I've sent well over 100 resumes out there, I've heard nothing.  I was in the legal field for 22 years and now I want something different but I guess my resume makes potential employers feel I am "overqualified."

We started TTC right after our wedding and have had no luck and my RE makes me feel like I am an old woman.  I will be 43.  I just got back to doing my daily walks but they are now inside on the treadmill.  I don't want to be seen outside.  Mrs. McIrish, I feel you as I don't want to go out either because nothing fits and I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I've asked DH for an eliptical bike for my birthday

It's getting really disheartening not being successful in TTC and knowing our time to try is severely limited just makes it worse.  I'm trying to find a job, trying to get pregnant and trying to lose this weight.  Now on top of all of that, I have been having numbness and pain from my shoulders to fingertips and am told that I have carpal tunnel in both hands and two vertebrae in my neck protruding on a nerve.  I have to go next week for an EMG.  Now I just keep wondering, how this is going to effect EVERYTHING.  I feel like I am at my wits end.  I feel like I'm not holding up my end of things on the household as I am not producing income.  I'm not use to not getting a paycheck.

Some days I just want to curl up in a ball and go to sleep and wake up to find everything FIXED.

Sorry this is so long.  It's just been building up.

If any of you need an understanding shoulder or just some place to vent, please feel free to send me a private message.

HUGS and wishes for happy thoughts to all of you.

 

ForTheLoveOf Pink

Classic....OMG it seems you and I are living the same life. I just turned 41, have been unemployed for a year now, keep putting on more weight and I am feeling depressed. All of these things really don't make me a great candidate when it comes to getting a job, which adds to the issues!!!!

I have really put my life on hold....for sure! Right now just in the 2ww after my IUI. I will go out and my husband wanted to buy me some new jeans for my birthday ....I didn't want to get them because gee what if I get pregnant....I read my internal mantra while in the change room......"just forget about ..you will cross that bridge when you get to it!!!".

Good Luck to all......heres to moving on to a better day!! 

 

CheezeFace

McIrish - thanks for the great thread.  You have obviously hit a chord with many of us.

Classic et al. - I lost my job in the economic collapse and it took me a very long time to find another one.  I must have put out 200 resumes and never heard anything.  Until I re-worked my resume and took my MBA off my education.  Then calls started flooding in.  Ridiclious.  I, too, was considered "over qualified".  They saw MBA and thought that I would demand too much money (I'm assuming).   I'm not saying this is the best piece of advice but it worked for me.  (And, since my H is self-employed, we really needed insurance.   I had no idea it cost so much!)

So I know exactly what you are feeling.  Is your H being supportive?  In every relationship one partner pulls more or less weight from time to time. Good luck.  I have a feeling a job will pop up any day now.

rayres

I feel your pain.  I just got married in September 2010 and we?ve been together for nearly two years.  I?ve probably put on 20-30 lbs since we met, so I know how frustrating and how defeating it can be to your self esteem.  I think I?m using the TTC thing as a crutch and excuse.  I?ve called an RE and can?t even get into him. They are supposed to be checking my insurance to make sure what?s all covered, which I?m grateful they?re doing, but HELLO, I?m not getting any younger waiting!  I gave them my info last week and they still haven?t gotten back to me.  I don?t feel like DH is concerned about having a baby, because he already has 4, so that?s hurtful, too.  Yes, he knew before we got married that I wanted a baby and he said he was fine with that and said he wants to have a baby with me, but I don?t feel a lot of support.  As far as curling up, going to sleep, wake up and everything be fixed, I?m totally there!  I feel depressed and don?t want to do anything, even clean house.  I wish there was a quick fix, but I know it?s up to me.  Thanks for listening!

princesschickymonkey

I have felt like all of you! I am older as they say and decided in my 39th year of life that I was going to do something for ME! I have a 2 year and a half year old but want another. Got pregnant over the summer but MC at 7 weeks. Swear I MC again in December because I have NEVER had a cycle like I did. Went to the OBGYN and talked to her about life and trying. Everything came back ok. She told me that even though I am not thinking about it I am. I need to not stress or think about it. Which is hard as we all know. And people who don't want kids are getting pregnant. Makes us think life isn't fair cause some days it isn't. My Dr. wanted to test my husband and I said to myself why I have been pregnant 3 times - I can get pregnant cause I have a great little boy. My 1st pregnancy was a triploidy baby so we had to terminate. Then the MC this past summer.

I had put on 10 lbs since my MC and I am an active person. Started to feel like crap and decided to do something about it. I joined WW and decided I am going to run a half marathon. I am now putting all my energy into that and focusing on that. It has helped me not think about TTC. We are still trying but this is something I want to do before I turn 40. I signed up for an April run while there is a run in October and that is to far away cause I could be pregnant by then. But April is just around the corner.

Stay positive everyone. It may be hard and I know that for a fact!

Take care!

ginogomermisser

Please please please DO NOT get down on yourself. Everyone here knows that it is difficult not to at times and I'm certainly no exception. IF does change and sometimes destroy things within us, physically and emotionally.

I get very depressed one day(or two) and then fine the next day. I feel sorry for DH because he never knows what kind of mood I'll be in. I also have gained weight and have been eating junk like crazy. I miss intimate times with DH pre-IF, where it didnt seem like there was a goal that needed reached. It has been almost two years of intimacy with purpose and it sucks.

It really hurts me when IF women feel down on themselves and I think that is because I know whats its like to feel bad about yourself. I do almost everyday.

I dont want to sound corny but I sincerely dont want you to feel fat, sad or "crappy". You owe it to yourself to be happy regardless of this stupid IF. Cheer up, things will get better. Good Luck to you   [huggssss] 

Classicoyote

ForTheLoveOfPink:

Classic....OMG it seems you and I are living the same life. I just turned 41, have been unemployed for a year now, keep putting on more weight and I am feeling depressed. All of these things really don't make me a great candidate when it comes to getting a job, which adds to the issues!!!!

I have really put my life on hold....for sure! Right now just in the 2ww after my IUI. I will go out and my husband wanted to buy me some new jeans for my birthday ....I didn't want to get them because gee what if I get pregnant....I read my internal mantra while in the change room......"just forget about ..you will cross that bridge when you get to it!!!".

Good Luck to all......heres to moving on to a better day!! 

 

Thanks to all of you ladies. It's just so hard to be optimistic.  2011 hasn't been great for TTC.  Between DH's back problem and my nerve and muscle problems and then he's dealing with bronchitis we've only TTC'd (to keep this family-friendly) once.  We won't have any luck that way.  This was ovulation week and when I discussed it with him last night, he's like "why didn't you tell me?" My response was why does ovulation have to be the only reason for it? It didn't help the way I'm feeling.  He just doesn't seem to get it.  I told him I don't think I was meant to have a baby and he just says "will you please stop." In a sweet voice but it just makes me realize he doesn't get it.  He has a daughter.  A beautiful almost 14 year-old.  I think part of it is that he waited so long to propose.  We were together 6 years when we got married.

To make matters worse, I got a checking in e-mail from the nurse at my RE's office.  I filled her in on what was going on with us and part of her response was "Time will not improve odds of success but you have to be ready for the physical/emotional, etc. impact of being pregnant.  It might help to use this time to process what your wants/needs are in terms of pregnancy and parenting."

Is she for real?  Is it me, or does that just come off cold?  As if I didn't feel bad enough, she has to remind me that time is not on my side?  I cried when I read this.

As for buying some new clothes, I can't even think about it.  That would depress me even more to buy clothes two sized bigger than I normally wore.

Sorry for being down, ladies.  It doesn't help that it's a dreary rainy day here in Maryland.

Thank you all for caring.

chicagogirl10

Hi there-

I am new to the Bump boards, but I had to say that I also could have written your post.  In fact, I realized I was living my life for two years for TTC.  We bought an SUV.  We moved from a condo into a house.  I didn't apply for a higher level job at work because if I got it, it would require more travel, and I didn't want to get pregnant right away in a new role.  I stayed involved an organization I didn't love because they had fun family events.  Every month I would religiously look at the calendar for the week I was ovulating and try to find the energy for 8-10 nights in a row of having sex (per my gynecologist).  I gained 10-15 lbs over a year because during the 2 ww I would go off my Weight Watchers food plan, and I wouldn't exercise.  Our dog died, and one of my thoughts was maybe we shouldn't get another dog in case I get pregnant.

 And one day I thought, STOP THE MADNESS.  I tried to acknowledge that outside of infertility, I love my husband, we have a lot of fun together, and I am really happy in my life.  It doesn't hurt that I said screw it, and we got a new dog. 

Right now my life is back on hold because of IVF - in case things don't work out with #1 I'd like to move to #2 as soon as possible, but the self-realization I mentioned above helped put me in a better place.

 So, with that said - hugs to you all.  Wishing you the best of luck and sending good thoughts your way!