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August 2011 Moms
Delivery Room
Who will be in the delivery room with you? I really want DH and my mom, but DH is insisting that his mom be in there too. However, I do not want her in the room. We get along, but we aren't close at all. I think he just feels she would be hurt by my mom being in there. Any suggestions?
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Re: Delivery Room
just me & dh (and nurses/doc obviously)
my parents were out in the waiting room last time, which was perfect for us. just remember this is your time, and it's very personal, i wouldn't worry about hurting people's feelings. do what's comfortable for you.
That's the problem I am WAY to nice and want to make everyone else happy. I really want my mom to be in there and if she wasn't then I would want my parents to be the first ones to see LO, but I know that will rise sooooo much conflict with his mom.
Just me and my DH.
I have trouble with wanting to please other people, too. We had to decide that this is an amazing moment that we should keep just for us. We probably won't even call people until after the baby is born to ensure that we get a good amount of time with just the three of us before everyone arrives.
maybe you can start laying the groundwork now and drop some hints, so it's not such a huge deal when the time comes. lucky for me, my inlaws live out of state
Agreed! Like I said before we get along, but we are not close at all. I know we will have everyone in the world in the delivery room, very large family with big mouths haha. I don't mind my mom and dad because I know they will leave when I am ready for them to but MIL will get jealous and DRIVE ME CRAZY
Mine live next door so they will know when its time.
My face exactly. She is going to drive me nuts. I try to be nice, but she is just so overbearing and "Always" right. Sometimes I feel like saying kiss my a$$ but I am too nice. My husband wants everyone there. I understand because our family is a big part in our life. But really. He wanted to call everyone once we got to the hospital but I pushed it to wait until I am pushing. Who knows haha
It has been just H and me everytime. We had the if we let this one in we have to let that one in issue so we decided with #1 that it would be just us. It was very nice having that time even right after delivery together!
With #2 she was born late afternoon and I didn't accept visitors until the next morning after 10am. I learned the first time to set boundries and enforce them because your the only one who knows how you feel and if the visitors are too much.
For DS I had DH and my mom. I wouldn't have been comfortable with my mil either. As a matter of fact I kept going back and forth on having my mom in there, but DS came early and now I am so glad she was there to get the pictures she got. They are the only "wire-free" pictures I have from his first 2 weeks.
So again for this LO I think I will probably have my mom in there again. Honestly, more for the picture taking than anything else though. And to make her feel good too I guess
Were you able to tell the nurses at the hospital no visitors and they made it a rule? My MIL wouldnt listen to me about that. I like that idea and then it doesnt seem like it was me. lol!
Me + H
I don't even want my parents/ILs (who are all local) to come to the hospital until the baby arrives. I don't need that pressure.
With DD I had DH and my mom in the room. His mom was lobbying to be in there, but it was SO not going to happen. DH was nice about it - once I gave my answer (no) he respected it and stood up for me. I had also asked that they not be called as soon as we left for the hospital since it could be hours. He called them anyway, but that was his one big slip up for the day. The in-laws spent the long labor in the waiting room. Not having my MIL there was the right choice for me and you need to stand up for what you need during that time. I still don't regret it.
I think you could just let him know that it is a vulnerable time for you and you'll need to be focusing on the labor and delivery. I also explained to DH that, when in pain, I will likely not have that polite filter on my mouth. So, if his MIL started being...too much...I would likely say something not so nice. Besides, it's your private parts hanging out for everyone to see - if he wants to flash it next time, he can decide who is in the room.
This time I'll likely just have my DH.
I'm not real keen on having my mom or future-MIL see my vagina, so just my FI it'll be.
That's how it was with DD, and that's how it'll be this time.
Ditto, exactly!
DH and my sister if she makes it in time - she's just finishing medical school this semester, knows exactly what my preferences are, and will be able to talk to the nurses/doctors for me while I focus on the laboring part.
I was worried MH would want someone from his family to make things even, but he doesn't seem to care. Plus, when I told him my sister would be fine leaving for the delivery moment if we wanted to be just the three of us, he said "That's ridiculous! That's the most important part, and we need all the help we can get!"
Makes me happy that MH and my sisters are so close
__________________________________________________________
DS1 born 08.02.11
DS2 born 12.05.13
When DD was born is was me, DH and my mom. I'm so glad my mom was there. She helped me through labor and was able to take pictures after the birth. Plus, I think it was really special to be there for the birth of her first grandchild.
Also, I think I was really lucky in that I gave birth at 5 a.m. AND we have no family that lives in town. We didn't have anyone come to visit us in the hospital until about noon that day. I liked that time with the baby.
This time around, I think it will be me, DH and my sister. My sister and I are pretty close and she's expecting her first only 9 weeks after me. Oh.... and we are also having a professional photographer friend there to shoot the birth. I'm not shy!
natural m/c and d&c at 10 weeks - 1/24/2014
DX w/ hetero C677t and A1298C MTHFR - 3/4/2014
Just me & DH, although I'll probably joke about having my younger sisters in there for more effective birth-control lol.
It's possible my mom would be in town, but even if she was, she's QUITE content to stay out lol.
www.cozylittlecave.com
i was going to have dh & my mom, but i ended up w/a c/s, so my mom didn't get to be in the room. aiming for a vbac this time around. if it goes well i'll allow my mom to be in the room.
you're the one in labor. you need to do what makes you comfortable. if you don't want mil in there then she doesn't get to be there. i am very much in favor of being fair to both sides, but in a case like giving birth i say stick to your guns and do what you need.
I don't remember where I saw this recently, but if you don't want your MIL in the room, this is great:
Ok, DH, your mom can be there if you agree to first get naked, spread your legs open, and lay there for hours with my mom in the room.
The original poster had said it better, but you can get the gist of this.
Just me and DH for both of my girls and it will be that way for this one as well. We didn't even tell anyone when I was in labor, besides my aunt who toke DD1 when I had DD2.
This may come out sounding crass, but your DH doesn't get a say in who is in the delivery room. Yes, its his baby too, but you're the one spread eagle in a hospital bed pooping on the table and doing all the work. If you aren't comfortable with your MIL seeing that, then he needs to respect that.
If you don't want MIL rushing in the second you deliver, you might want to reconsider having anyone in the waiting room, even your parents. We didn't have anyone come visit until later (and no one was allowed to come before DD1 met DD2) and it was really nice to enjoy some time as a family before we had a rush of visitors.
Annelise 3.22.2007 Norah 10.24.2009 Amelia 8.7.2011
Just DH and my midwife and other necessary staff. We are not even calling anyone when I do into labor. The last thing I need is a room full of people offering their opinion and trying to talk to me while I am in labor.
I have a "backup" in case I were to go into early labor and DH were to be out of town
Is there a maximum? Obviously DH will be there, I also want my mom and my sister, and my MIL. ....yes I am one of the lucky few who has a fabulous MIL and I do want her to share this moment with us.
I am going to tell all of them ahead of time, if I decide last second I want them all out then they have to leave.
Need help with high fat food ideas? Chunky Monkey
DH and I haven't talked about it yet. I want to get his opinion. I think he will only want it to be just us and if he's insistent on that then I will respect that. If he doesn't care either way then I would like to have my mom in there if she can get there in time. If she can't get there then I wouldn't mind my MIL. She's had 5 kids so it would be nice to have someone that experienced in there with me haha, plus I love my MIL so it wouldn't both me if she was there. I don't want both her and my mom though, one or the other or neither is fine with me.
What I"m more worried about is that I know that as soon as both families find out they are all going to rush to the hospital to see us and I'm one of 4 and DH is one of 7 (two are adopted hence they only giving birth to 5). Plus all of his other relatives live in the same town as us... I feel like its going to be a cluster F in there haha.
My mom really wanted to be in there but I said no. I felt really bad but I really just wanted my husband there. Honestly, the only people I really want there are the people actually delivering the baby. My husband gets to be there because he created the child. Anyone else for me would just annoy me. Both sets of parents came and visited me in L&D before my son was born and hung out at the hospital and just left while I delivered him. With DD, it was last minute so my parents didn't arrive until after she was born and my in-laws had to go pick up DS from school so they came after she was born too.
If I were you, I would have both moms or no moms - in order to avoid offending anyone.