Soon to be SD and her "life change"
jeno111
member
Sorry this is TMI but I need some advice on what to do. My soon to be 11 year SD recently got her period, not too recently I guess, in May. When she is at our house and has it, she leaves her bloody clothes, used pads, etc lying around. I am beyond grossed out by it but try to put a game face on and have asked her several times to clean up after herself and that we need to be discreet and wrap these items up and place them in the garbage or throw the soiled clothes in the wash. It is not getting through. Last weekend I went down to put away some clean laundry and found 4 pairs of undies, a pair of jeans and shorts all obviously dirty in the middle of my FI's and I's clean clothes. She delibertly put them in the middle of our clothes and I am not sure how to address this and tell her that accidents do happen, however, she can not just throw these items in clean clothes hoping to hide them. How do I approach her about this? She is a very spoiled girl who has never had to clean up after herself (they always had housekeepers who cleaned, did laundry etc) but things are changing at our household and I want to try to teach her some life lessons. I don't want to harp on her for little things but personal hygeine like this isn't so little IMO.
Thanks!
Re: Soon to be SD and her "life change"
Get her off the tv, computer, whatever...
Take her into your room or where ever you're finding the clothes, make her pick them up, rinse them and run them through the washer. Do this often enough and she'll get the picture. You don't have to be nice about certain things.
Usually I would say it's dad that should be dealing with the kid, since you're not the parent, but in this case it's a girl-thing. Take care of it the first couple of times, but let her know that if it doesn't stop, he will be handling it as her parent from a certain point on. She'll stop rather than have daddy see the mess.
She'll foment rebellion in other ways, but the above is how you end this particular one.
And there's NO SUCH THING as "Fi's and I's" It's "Fi's and my." Please never type "I's" again. You wouldn't say it, so why would you type it, hmmm?
my mom made me rinse out all my stained clothes/undies from aunt flo.
As far as leaving them 'out' everywhere, does she have a hamper to herself or is it a 'community' hamper. I ask because we have a community hamper, I do all the laundry. I'm sure as the kids get older this will change. (because that's why you have kids right? slave labor? lol jk). Maybe she needs a 'special hamper' for her aunt flo soiled things?
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
Ooops sorry for the grammer mistake. I guess with running a 102 degree temp, proper grammer slipped my mind this afternoon.
Otherwise, thanks for the advice.
Yes, she does have a hamper in her room so that isn't the issue. I did not do the laundry; I put it in her room and we will talk about it when she is here next.
I appreciate the help!
Oh what she is leaving out is the used pads and toilet paper. I just dont get this. Why would you not wrap them up and place them in the garbage? At that age I was mortified to let anyone know that it was that time of the month.
Ehh.. Was she really trying to hide the dirty undies and pants in clean clothes?
Does she do her own laundry? If not, I would give her a lesson. For the soiled pads, does she leave them fully exposed on the toilet or sink? If so, next time I would ask her to go back in the restroom with you and point out that we don't leave things like this sitting out, and show her (with a clean pad), how to roll it up and dispose of it. If she is that spoiled, maybe she doesn't know how to do it? GL!
This was ME! That's gross... sorry I don't have any advice for that! I can't even fathom that...
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
This! Ugh... I'm sorry... I don't even want to imagine this happening when that time comes...
Thanks Ladies. She hasn't been at our house since I found the dirty clothes in the middle of the clean clothes but we will be having a chat about it. I wasn't sure if I was overreacting but I was exteremly grossed out!
We only keep pads in the bathroom but I am thinking that she brings them from her mom's since the supply that we have bought isn't going down. I honestly shudder to go through her room and clean it out because I am afraid what else I would find. I do think part of it is that she has literally had someone there to clean up after her her whole life so she doesn't know how/where to start.
We all have a family chore list here and one of her chores is her own laundry but she never does it. Normally just takes everything to her mom's. She must have been embarassed for her mom to see it.
She's 11 and you clean her room? That wouldn't fly with me at all. Her mess, her responsibility. Children should start learning this at 2 or even younger. I used to hide soiled clothes but always in MY dirty clothes hamper so my grandmother wouldn't notice it. If she continues I would not only make her clean the underwear I would make her start doing her own laundry. Not because she soils them, because that happens, but because of what she does with the soiled linens.
I do not expect my kids to do their laundry and they are older than your SD. That's my choice. They have other responsibilities instead.
I don't know her so I don't know why she is doing what she is doing. It might not be that she is doing this on purpose. Children forget a lot. Even with constant reminders children can forget. And children will try to hide mistakes sometimes in stupid ways and knowing they will be caught. (they can't think far enough ahead, it's just escaping capture right this minute) I could be giving credit when not due but maybe she really is having a hard time with it and is very embarassed and maybe she really doensn't mean to do what she keeps doing.
Personally I think it is too young to have her do the laundry and if it grosses you out than you should just force her father to talk to her.(or do her laundry) In fact, I really think this is something that her father and mother should be discussing. IT shouldn't be your responsibility to fix this situation. Hopefully her mother will be able to help and that she is mature enough to help you out with this.
This!! I was a huge tomboy so going from nothing to a c cup and a size 2 to a size 7 pants all in one year was a lot for me to take in. You didn't have to tell me to wrap up my pads, I didn't want anyone to know I was a "woman."
I certainly don't think 11 is too young to do their own laundry. I'm teaching my 6 yr old how to start folding his own laundry. I'm thinking by 8 he should be old enough to do it all on his own. I agree with the pp poster to sit down and have a girl to girl talk with her & warn her that if she doesn't fix these things....her dad will have to be notified, and he will have to start bringing her bloody clothes to her. THAT would have scared the daylight out of me at that age.