Over-parenting VS. making thoughtful decisions

Mrs.Reem

And... discuss. 

schmoodle

I'm going with the latter. I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to do your best to eliminate potentially harmful influences from your child's life, and I think there's a big distinction between (x) worrying about large scale ideas and images and societal messages and trying to control how your child interprets them and (y) letting them learn to navigate life, get a little dirty, make some mistakes and the like.

And I'm pretty in the middle on the specific topics discussed today too, but that doesn't mean I haven't thought a lot about them and how to approach them or worry about them. I'd rather "overparent" than "underparent".

dana316

schmoodle:

 I'd rather "overparent" than "underparent".

This, exactly. 

 

JillRock96

I think there is a big difference between the two.  To me, topics discussed on this board typically seem like the latter -- we are informing ourselves, having thoughtful discussions, and making decisions that work for our own children and families (even though we might disagree at times on what is best).

Over-parenting, to me, is not so much in the thought about how I will raise my child, but more so in the execution.  I work with high school students, and over-parenting to me is when parents ask teachers for extensions on homework/tests (instead of the student approaching the teacher), parents request full-blown meetings because their child got a B+, parents who get involved in the arguments their children have with their friends.

emmyloustu

schmoodle:

I'm going with the latter. I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to do your best to eliminate potentially harmful influences from your child's life, and I think there's a big distinction between (x) worrying about large scale ideas and images and societal messages and trying to control how your child interprets them and (y) letting them learn to navigate life, get a little dirty, make some mistakes and the like.

And I'm pretty in the middle on the specific topics discussed today too, but that doesn't mean I haven't thought a lot about them and how to approach them or worry about them. I'd rather "overparent" than "underparent".

YES! This is pretty much what I was trying to say earlier today, but schmoodle said it much more succinctly and eloquently! 

emiannie

MrsLee04:

JillRock96:

Over-parenting, to me, is not so much in the thought about how I will raise my child, but more so in the execution.  I work with high school students, and over-parenting to me is when parents ask teachers for extensions on homework/tests (instead of the student approaching the teacher), parents request full-blown meetings because their child got a B+, parents who get involved in the arguments their children have with their friends.

I agree with this.  Like she said, this is overparenting.  I think researching and making informed decisions for our kids is just plain parenting (some may think others' decisions are overbearing, but it's not overparenting).  Not doing so is underparenting.

I think perhaps using the term "over-parenting" at all in the posts yesterday was our first mistake, which is where all of this has spawned from.  Choosing whether to let your child play with specific toys, regardless of what they are and how we feel about the message they may or may not send, is not over-parenting.  That is just parenting...and the choices will vary greatly, as we saw yesterday and all of that comes from your background and experiences.  I did not have the same childhood as some of you and therefore don't see the harm in some things you feel very passionately about.  Neither of us is over-parenting.  And perhaps I was a little quick to use "over-thinking" in my comments yesterday.  You are not over-thinking...you are just thinking, using your experiences and making the best decision for you child, which is exactly what you're supposed to do.

I really don't understand how all of this got so heated yesterday.