WWYD?

andrealynn0707

I have a friend whose DH keeps using their grocery money to buy illicit substances. They have a baby on the way. I don't really know what to tell her. 

KeepingItLowKey

She should support her husband, through thick and thin, better or worse. If he is spending their grocery money, can you help her out and give her a few bucks? Don't encourage her to leave her husband, I am sure he is a good guy.

preg_amy

They should have another baby.  Two babies will automatically fix an addict.

SarahPLiz

KeepingItLowKey:

She should support her husband, through thick and thin, better or worse. If he is spending their grocery money, can you help her out and give her a few bucks? Don't encourage her to leave her husband, I am sure he is a good guy.

I respectfully disagree. If she is telling you this, asking for help, then encourage her to speak to her husband and try to get him in treatment. Encourage her to control the money and not give him any. If he refuses, support her in leaving him. I have seen way too many of my friends go through similar things (with both sex spouses) and it usually doesn't end pretty. 

 

I'm sorry, but good guys do not spend their family's grocery money on illicit substances. He is not being a good guy.  Also, you giving her money for grocery only helps her enable him more, and you become an enabler. He needs consequences to his actions. The sooner the better. 

If she hasn't told you this and asked for help with what to do, then let her know you are concerned, but you support her. Don't try to control your friend's life or pass judgement on how she handles it if she sees nothing is wrong or doesn't want help. That's a sure way to lose a friend.  

KeepingItLowKey

Maybe they need to reconnect? Attend a lingerie party? I know she's pregnant but that shouldn't stop her.

Oneday82

SarahPLiz

NM This is obvious MUD. 

andrealynn0707

SarahPLiz:

NM This is obvious MUD. 

Not MUD, my friend. True life.  

KeepingItLowKey

I wish it weren't true.

atack

SarahPLiz:

KeepingItLowKey:

She should support her husband, through thick and thin, better or worse. If he is spending their grocery money, can you help her out and give her a few bucks? Don't encourage her to leave her husband, I am sure he is a good guy.

I respectfully disagree. If she is telling you this, asking for help, then encourage her to speak to her husband and try to get him in treatment. Encourage her to control the money and not give him any. If he refuses, support her in leaving him. I have seen way too many of my friends go through similar things (with both sex spouses) and it usually doesn't end pretty. 

 

I'm sorry, but good guys do not spend their family's grocery money on illicit substances. He is not being a good guy.  Also, you giving her money for grocery only helps her enable him more, and you become an enabler. He needs consequences to his actions. The sooner the better. 

If she hasn't told you this and asked for help with what to do, then let her know you are concerned, but you support her. Don't try to control your friend's life or pass judgement on how she handles it if she sees nothing is wrong or doesn't want help. That's a sure way to lose a friend.  

 

This!  Well said.